bishopburn boy Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 First rule of w**k club don’t shake hands with other members of w**k club 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 I just asked siri “Surely it won’t rain today”?She said “it will, and don’t call me shirley”...forgot to take my phone off airplane mode. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Master Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office - I will hunt you down and take it back. You have my Word. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 My mate was shot by a starting pistol. Police suspect it's race related... 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 I was wondering what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted August 26, 2018 Share Posted August 26, 2018 I'm reading a book about how super glue was invented, I can't put it down. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted August 26, 2018 Share Posted August 26, 2018 3 hours ago, Zen Archer said: I'm reading a book about how super glue was invented, I can't put it down. Better call Sol...vite. These glue jokes are not to be sniffed at. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bold Rover Posted August 27, 2018 Share Posted August 27, 2018 6 hours ago, tamthebam said: These glue jokes are not to be sniffed at. When I was young, adhere them all the time. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnydun Posted August 27, 2018 Share Posted August 27, 2018 I remember trying to impress a girl by putting my foot down on the pedal ... Spoiler But it turns out she had seen a bin open that way before. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted August 28, 2018 Share Posted August 28, 2018 What’s grey, Scottish and depressing?Scotland. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted August 28, 2018 Share Posted August 28, 2018 Thought I'd try and spice up the love life with a bit of auto asphyixiation. I wouldn't recommend it. It's been five days and she's still lying on the couch giving me the silent treatment.... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted August 28, 2018 Share Posted August 28, 2018 7 hours ago, Cerberus said: What’s grey, Scottish and depressing? What's pink, is often wet & smells of fish? Peterhead 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 Just found out that anal sex is illegal in Iceland. I'm not sure about Aldi, so be careful people... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted September 4, 2018 Share Posted September 4, 2018 I've surrounded my property with 3 feet tall dildos. My neighbour hates it, but his wife is sitting on the fence... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted September 4, 2018 Share Posted September 4, 2018 How can you tell your zits are really bad? Blind folk try to read your face. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 Man making his way home from the pub with several pints inside him. As he walks past the end of a dark alley he hears a woman's voice: "Hey, big boy, d'you fancy a good time?" He's had enough to drink that his inhibitions are low, so he thinks "What the hell?" and goes into the alley. He's been enjoying himself for a few minutes when suddenly a policeman shines his torch into the alley and calls out, "Hey, what's going on there?" The man thinks quickly and calls back, "It's all right, officer - I'm just having an amorous moment with my wife!" The policeman says, "Oh, I'm terribly sorry, sir - I didn't realise that the lady was your wife!" "Don't worry about it," replies the man. "Until you shone your torch this way, neither did I!" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 I was banned from a Hawkwind Facebook group for sending Dik Mik pics. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebanda's Handyman Services Posted September 8, 2018 Share Posted September 8, 2018 Was playing darts down the pub last night. First dart hit the 20. Second hit the treble 20. Third dart bounced out and hit a nun in the throat severing her main artery. ONE NUN DEAD AND EIGHTY! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 Q, Aarhus? Where's that? A, In the middle of our street. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 20 hours ago, Zen Archer said: Q, Aarhus? Where's that? A, In the middle of our street. It's Denmark m9... My internet was down yesterday so I chatted to my wife for a change. I was surprised to learn that she didn't work for Woolworths anymore. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.