CarrbridgeSaintee Posted August 30 Share Posted August 30 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted August 30 Share Posted August 30 Never get stuck behind the devil in a post office queue, for the devil can take many forms. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superwell87 Posted August 31 Share Posted August 31 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted August 31 Share Posted August 31 8 hours ago, superwell87 said: It's like Dens and Tannadice. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greendot Posted August 31 Share Posted August 31 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted August 31 Share Posted August 31 11 hours ago, superwell87 said: Two fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "you'll have to leave, we don't serve your type here". 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted August 31 Share Posted August 31 The wife was standing in front of the mirror and said "I look awful.” She then turned to me and said “I need a compliment to make me feel better.” I said “You have 20/20 vision.” 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soapy FFC Posted August 31 Share Posted August 31 A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. 'Nurse,' he mumbles from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?' Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.' He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?' Concerned he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!' The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...... 'A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?' 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarrbridgeSaintee Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted September 8 Share Posted September 8 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted September 8 Share Posted September 8 8 hours ago, Old Diamond said: Wid although 30 seconds probably more my style (wonder if I could get a discount). 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted September 8 Share Posted September 8 Edward Deidde, the man who spent his entire life explaining that his surname was "deed" has collapsed. He was airlifted to hospital where he was pronounced dead. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted September 9 Share Posted September 9 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted September 9 Share Posted September 9 It's good that Elon Musk isn't involved in a scandal Elongate would be really drawn out. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted September 12 Share Posted September 12 What do you call a girl who's shite at drawing? Spoiler Tracey 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greendot Posted September 14 Share Posted September 14 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted September 15 Share Posted September 15 A Scotsman, Englishman and Irishman walk into a bar. The bartender points to a sign that says, "NO JOKES SERVED HERE" and asks them to leave. The next day, a horse walks in. Same deal—bartender points to the sign, and with a long face, the horse leaves. The following day, a chicken walks in. The bartender points to the sign again and says, "Sorry, no jokes served here." The chicken, annoyed, asks, "Fine, but where can I get a drink?" The bartender replies, "There's a bar across the road." 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted September 15 Share Posted September 15 On 14/09/2024 at 11:45, greendot said: It's a ferry tale. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted September 15 Share Posted September 15 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted September 16 Share Posted September 16 Why is love like a fart? If you have to force it, it's probably shite. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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