LincolnHearts Posted March 10, 2022 Share Posted March 10, 2022 Just watched a bloke at pump 3 put £10 of diesel in his van. Where's he going? Pump 1? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
N5 Spur Posted March 10, 2022 Share Posted March 10, 2022 A man walks into a library and says "I hope you don't have any books about reverse psychology" 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted March 10, 2022 Share Posted March 10, 2022 I was at a seminar yesterday and they asked me to write down 10 sexual innuendos. I accidentally wrote down 11 and had to rub one out. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 I made a movie about the spirits industry in Scotland, it didn't do that well, it went straight to OVD. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welly boy Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peedzy Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 2 hours ago, Welly boy said: I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off. You're lucky, my 2 mates got sent to jail for stealing a calendar. They got 6 months each. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Play Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 16 minutes ago, Peedzy said: You're lucky, my 2 mates got sent to jail for stealing a calendar. They got 6 months each. No, no, you’re lucky. My two mates stole a battery and a firework. They got caught by the Polis. One got charged the other got let off. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welly boy Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 17 minutes ago, Shadow Play said: No, no, you’re lucky. My two mates stole a battery and a firework. They got caught by the Polis. One got charged the other got let off. Taking of mates.. My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, Took her 15 hours to Hoover the house Turns out she was a Slovak. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hearthammer Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustOneCornetto Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 A new strain of Covid has been identified. It's called Carownervirus Symptoms include sweating while filling your car up with petrol and feeling sick when you have to pay. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 9 minutes ago, JustOneCornetto said: A new strain of Covid has been identified. It's called Carownervirus Symptoms include sweating while filling your car up with petrol and feeling sick when you have to pay. You should have socially distanced yourself fro that “joke”. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 I have become obsessed with the feet of golf legend Tiger Woods. That's right, that's right, that's right, that's right... 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mozam76 Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 Three wise men entered a stable in Bethlehem, when one of them trod on a rake, which sprung up and struck him square between the eyes. "Jesus CHRIST!!" he yelled in agony. "What a lovely name", said a young woman who was swaddling an infant child. "To think we were going to call him Wullie." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 (edited) I went to see a Spanish magician last night. He said he was going to do a disappearing act. "Uno...Dos..." and Bang! He vanished without a Tres Edited March 17, 2022 by scottsdad 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking... Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean discovered survivors of a ship that just sunk. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark as he led him to the mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did. "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did. "Now we eat everybody." And they did. When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?" His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without all the shite inside!" 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 Carrie Johnson is worried that Boris wants to seize another rich Russian's asset - Rachel Riley! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 Two war criminals and their very rich friends. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killiepiemuncher Posted March 21, 2022 Share Posted March 21, 2022 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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