Cerberus Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 me: i'm about to put an item in ubagging area: u got itme: ok here i gobagging area: this is so unexpected 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Minertaur Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 10 hours ago, Cerberus said: me: i'm about to put an item in u bagging area: u got it me: ok here i go bagging area: this is so unexpected 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeeVanTeeth Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 Just back from Switzerland where I had a great time. Skiing, Alpine views and flirting with blonde Swiss girls. But the absolute highlight was dropping the mother-in-law off at Dignitas. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 Sunday Sport with another 9 darter 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Pikey Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 What do you get for breakfast at the Dignitas clinic? Cheerios!! 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 Told my butcher I would bet him £100 if he could reach the sirloins he keeps on the top shelf. He said he wasn’t taking the risk as the steaks were too high. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPhone Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 The first rule of Fight Club is that you don’t talk about how Brad Pitt and Edward Norton turn out to be the same guy at the end. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPhone Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 I remember doing security at the Brits a few years back when it all kicked off between Steps and Jamiroquai. I was the only thing between H and JK. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 A cat walks into a vets. The vet says, “What seems to be the problem?” The cat says, “Meow.” The vet says, “Okay, where?” 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 Yorkshireman walks into the vet's and says, "I've come about me cat." The vet says, "Is it a tom?" The man says, "No, I've brought it wi' me." 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 Man takes his cross eyed Rottweiler to the vet, who picks it up to have a proper look. Vet - I’m really sorry sir, but I’m going to have to put him down Man - why, because he’s cross eyed? Vet - no, cos he’s fucking heavy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennysmassiveego Posted December 20, 2018 Share Posted December 20, 2018 My missus has asked for something silk for Christmas No doubt this tin of emulsion will be the wrong f&&King colour 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nsr Posted December 20, 2018 Share Posted December 20, 2018 42 minutes ago, kennysmassiveego said: My missus has asked for something silk for Christmas Does she smoke? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted December 20, 2018 Share Posted December 20, 2018 1 minute ago, nsr said: Does she smoke? Only after sex. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted December 20, 2018 Share Posted December 20, 2018 1 hour ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Only after sex. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 Just had the police at my door to tell me my two dogs have been chasing people on bikes. What a load of shite, my dogs don’t have bikes. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennysmassiveego Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 I entered a blindfolded masturbation competition F**k knows where I came 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AberdeenHibee Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 (edited) What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil? You wouldn't pay to have a Lentil on your face. Edited December 23, 2018 by AberdeenHibee 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Viewparker Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 Guy standing on one leg at an ATM outside the bank looking a bit agitated. Asked him if he was ok. Said he was just checking his balance. -2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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