Bold Rover Posted December 26, 2018 Share Posted December 26, 2018 The old ones aren't always the best. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPhone Posted December 26, 2018 Share Posted December 26, 2018 1 hour ago, Bold Rover said: The old ones aren't always the best. You talking about your birds again? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRob72 Posted December 27, 2018 Share Posted December 27, 2018 “It’s that time of year again, when that Big Fat C*nt with the beard arrives unannounced, over-spoils the weans with presents and scoffs all my food and drink”........I fuckin hate the mother-in-Law 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPhone Posted December 27, 2018 Share Posted December 27, 2018 You know what they say about Cliff Hangers 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted December 27, 2018 Share Posted December 27, 2018 You know what they say about Cliff Hangers 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted December 29, 2018 Share Posted December 29, 2018 Nicked from Viz, but topical: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted December 30, 2018 Share Posted December 30, 2018 Jimmy saville, rolf Harris, and Stuart hall walk into a pub. The barman says "f**k sake, not yewtree again" 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennysmassiveego Posted December 31, 2018 Share Posted December 31, 2018 I just started a company selling landmines that look like prayer mats Prophets are going through the roof 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted December 31, 2018 Share Posted December 31, 2018 To help my dad quit smoking, I bought him a petrol infused cigarette for Christmas. His face lit up. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted December 31, 2018 Share Posted December 31, 2018 On 29/12/2018 at 23:39, tamthebam said: Nicked from Viz, but topical: Piemans Wig for Christmas? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted December 31, 2018 Share Posted December 31, 2018 If anyone gets an email from me about tinned meat don’t open it, it’s spam. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeeVanTeeth Posted December 31, 2018 Share Posted December 31, 2018 The missus just called me there sounding dead angry and snarled, 'Where the hell are you?' 'Well, do you remember that wee jewellery shop in the city centre that we passed by on Saturday,' I replied. 'The one with those earrings on display in the window that you really liked.' 'Yeah, those cute little silver earrings that I thought would look great on me,' she said, suddenly a lot cheerier. 'Well. I'm in the pub next door to it with all my pals.' 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennysmassiveego Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 A man walks into the bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase He asks “ what are you doing ?” She replies “ I’m off to New York . I read that prostitutesthere get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free “ Later , on her way out , the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase “ where are you going ? “ she asks “ I’m coming with you , I want to see how you live on $800 a year “ 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennysmassiveego Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 Paddy gets arrested for beating his wife The judge asks “ why do you keep beating her ? ‘“ Paddy replies “ I think it’s my weight advantage , longer reach and superior footwork “ 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Steele Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 Wee boy: Mum, can we get coconut dog? Mum: There's no such thing Wee boy: But dad pointed to one yesterday and said to Uncle Dave "look at the coconut dug". 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 Walking down the street and a woman stopped me for a market research survey. She asked, "What grooming products do you use?" I said "Facebook, puppies and sweeties". -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 Went into the public library and asked, "Where are your books on feng shui?" The librarian said, "I don't know - people keep moving them." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 Is it bad I know who that is? (Not on a personal level of course) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 10 minutes ago, 19QOS19 said: Is it bad I know who that is? (Not on a personal level of course) Did he teabag you? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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