Stellaboz Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 Fucking hell, this. We had to go through to pick up a kitten recently (new addition and a wee bit of early Christmas cheer.) and the satnav took us slightly off, since the house was off-road up a dirt track, so it didn't like it. She phoned the guy regarding directions and the exchange was (almost painfully literally) along the lines of "Oh, right, so when we come back out of this wee cul-de-sac bit, we go left?" I shot her a slightly confused look purely because of the right-left-in-the-same-sentence thing, she picks up on my expression and asks the guy again. "So definitely left then? Right, that's great." I'm a little exasperated but, satisfied that we're meant to be going left, I pull the car forward. I'm just about to start turning left out onto the main road but she stops me by waving a hand in front of me and starts angrily waving in front of my face pointing off towards the road on the right. Somehow kept relatively calm and deadpan despite dying a little bit more inside and said "You're pointing right, did the guy say left or right?" *ohwhitamalikehahasofunnyfacialexpression* "Oh sorry haha! Yeah, go left." If it had turned out we'd actually needed to go out towards the right I think I'd have had a total breakdown. Happily we found the correct road, found the way back safely one kitten up and I'm still clinging onto my sanity for now.Actually feel my heart rate pumping up reading that. Give her a boot from me. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShaggysBeard Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 (edited) 11 hours ago, JamesP_81 said: Just in from work and realised the Motherwell games on the TV. Her :- awch football.. You're gonna want to watch this aren't you? Me:- aye well I didn't realise it was on, anything you want to watch? Her :- anything but football. Me:- OK stick whatever you want on, i can watch it in the spare room. Her:- (huffy) no its fine. Me :- I can see how the game goes then turn over to your programme at 9. Her:- no, I want to watch it myself coz you'll be sitting there thinking its shit and it'll annoy me. I'm away upstairs to the shitty wee TV in the cold room. Me :- ill watch this upstairs I don't mind. Her :- no. I'm away upstairs now before I get really annoyed. FFS.!!! I do this but in role reversal when she puts the Hollyoaks on, I can be as much of a right cow as the wife can. Right, where do I start... She leaves the rubbish beside the bin and not in the bin, I don't even see the logic. I offer to put the ironing away. She'll say 'no I'll do it before bed', then when going to bed 'I'm too tired to put that ironing away, I'll do it tomorrow'. The same conversation happens the next day until I do it without letting her know. She's bought one of them wee dishes where you put the tea bag on, like some sort of holding bay before it goes in the bin. I don't drink tea, I had to dispose of a tower of 8 of them the other night. Pointless wee dish. Edited December 6, 2018 by ShaggysBeard 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 1 hour ago, ShaggysBeard said: I do this but in role reversal when she puts the Hollyoaks on, I can be as much of a right cow as the wife can. Right, where do I start... She leaves the rubbish beside the bin and not in the bin, I don't even see the logic. I offer to put the ironing away. She'll say 'no I'll do it before bed', then when going to bed 'I'm too tired to put that ironing away, I'll do it tomorrow'. The same conversation happens the next day until I do it without letting her know. She's bought one of them wee dishes where you put the tea bag on, like some sort of holding bay before it goes in the bin. I don't drink tea, I had to dispose of a tower of 8 of them the other night. Pointless wee dish. Does she not notice that it's been put away? Anything that gets moved in our house is followed by 20 questions - "Who moved that?", "Did anyone (i.e. me) ask you to move it?", "Why did you move it? You knew I'd left it there for a reason.", "Where is it now", and so on. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShaggysBeard Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 25 minutes ago, Jacksgranda said: Does she not notice that it's been put away? Anything that gets moved in our house is followed by 20 questions - "Who moved that?", "Did anyone (i.e. me) ask you to move it?", "Why did you move it? You knew I'd left it there for a reason.", "Where is it now", and so on. Yes. I get the same questions, incessantly. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LondonHMFC Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 (edited) It's always this time of year that I realise my Mrs was born in a barn, and possess no ability to close a fucking door. I am usually in the door for 5, pop the heating on for an hour before she comes in. Everyday this week she will open the front door, then march back out to the car to bring in her school work (she is a teacher to confirm), thus letting all the heat that has nicely built up piss off out the door. Last night it started a huge argument, as she came in and left the door open, I politely reminded her to "close the door for f**k sake", she looked bewildered "stop going on at me", I tried explaining I will keep going on at her, if she continues to fail to shut the door. She went into the bedroom, slamming the door for dramatic effect before screaming "HOPE THAT'S CLOSED ENOUGH FOR YOU", I went to the door and let her know that didn't make sense, before retreating to the bathroom and locking the door whilst she stormed about the house. The thing that really frustrates me, she will then put the heating back on to build the temperature back up, and when the time comes for the electricity bill she will be confused as to why it's so ridiculously high. I actually despise her. Edited December 6, 2018 by LondonHMFC 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 3 hours ago, ShaggysBeard said: She's bought one of them wee dishes where you put the tea bag on, like some sort of holding bay before it goes in the bin. I don't drink tea, I had to dispose of a tower of 8 of them the other night. Pointless wee dish. I've become a convert to them. Saves splashing tea down the bin/wall/floor. You're right too - 8 is about the tipping point. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widge Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 Girlfriend was in a mood with me the other night cause when she came in she dumped all her work stuff, coat, scarf, shoes, etc on the living room table. I don’t know why she does it, but she does having walked past the coat rack and bedroom to get there. Anyway, I went out to Football and asked her to put her stuff away whilst I was gone. Hour and a half later I come back, stuff still lying there and even more mess in the living room. I stand of taking 2 minutes to put it away, she’d gone for a bath, decided to rearrange all her makeup stuff and take over the living room. On the phone as I walk in, I have time to go for a shower, make food and sit down, as she’s on the phone. Having had enough I decide to get up, tidy her stuff away and let out a little sigh of despair. At which point she ends her phone call and goes in the huff, totally failing to realise that yet again I’ve cleared up all her mess. I don’t know how many times I’ve said that the floor is not meant for storage but it never goes in. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 19 minutes ago, Widge said: Girlfriend was in a mood with me the other night cause when she came in she dumped all her work stuff, coat, scarf, shoes, etc on the living room table. I don’t know why she does it, but she does having walked past the coat rack and bedroom to get there. Anyway, I went out to Football and asked her to put her stuff away whilst I was gone. Hour and a half later I come back, stuff still lying there and even more mess in the living room. I stand of taking 2 minutes to put it away, she’d gone for a bath, decided to rearrange all her makeup stuff and take over the living room. On the phone as I walk in, I have time to go for a shower, make food and sit down, as she’s on the phone. Having had enough I decide to get up, tidy her stuff away and let out a little sigh of despair. At which point she ends her phone call and goes in the huff, totally failing to realise that yet again I’ve cleared up all her mess. I don’t know how many times I’ve said that the floor is not meant for storage but it never goes in. Women in a fucking nutshell m8. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 3 hours ago, ShaggysBeard said: I do this but in role reversal when she puts the Hollyoaks on, I can be as much of a right cow as the wife can. Right, where do I start... She leaves the rubbish beside the bin and not in the bin, I don't even see the logic. I offer to put the ironing away. She'll say 'no I'll do it before bed', then when going to bed 'I'm too tired to put that ironing away, I'll do it tomorrow'. The same conversation happens the next day until I do it without letting her know. She's bought one of them wee dishes where you put the tea bag on, like some sort of holding bay before it goes in the bin. I don't drink tea, I had to dispose of a tower of 8 of them the other night. Pointless wee dish. My wife has a thousand habits that are designed to make me lose the plot. Common ones include bags of rubbish randomly placed around the house. For weeks I will see a bag of clothes lying on the landing. Once I finally snap and ask what it's doing there she informs me it's for the recycling. If I don't ask it will be removed from our house by a family member who gets the job of emptying our house once we are dead because sure as shite she won't take it to the recycling. Another 1 is to buy something online and inform me she is returning it for whatever shitey reason. 6 months later when I ask what is in that bag lying she tells me it's that item she's "returning" but clearly hasn't had a single minute to do so in 6 months. Lastly my wife is gonnae learn to drive for about 15 years now. She 100% is definitely gonnae do this. Meanwhile I'm expected to do 100% of the driving whilst she sits on her phone not having a clue where she is and where anything is or how to get there. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 If Greenpeace want to help with cleaning up non recyclable plastics in the world, they’d do well to come round my house and remove the 500 tonnes of poly bags of my wife’s shit lying about the place. Most of which is lying just as you enter every single fucking room in the house. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dons_1988 Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 Not my wife but her parents. We were round for dinner at theirs and they made coffee for after dinner. The exchange went like: Mother-in-law - "For goodness sake, that is the wrong coffee pot" Father-in law - "I couldn't find the other one, it wasn't in the cupboard" Mother-in-law - "I moved it because YOU were putting it away in the wrong place!" I sincerely hoped he was just waiting until we left to boot her in the pie. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 Who makes coffee in a pot? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 4 minutes ago, IainMorton said: Who makes coffee in a pot? Dons_1988's inlaws. Try to keep up. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heedthebaa Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 1 hour ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: If Greenpeace want to help with cleaning up non recyclable plastics in the world, they’d do well to come round my house and remove the 500 tonnes of poly bags of my wife’s shit lying about the place. Most of which is lying just as you enter every single fucking room in the house. Mine took last week off to de clutter the house, 15 bin bags between charity shop and skips !! But it’s the shoes I’m waiting on her doing, 88 b*****d pairs on the last count I did and I would say well over a 100 now. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florentine_Pogen Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 Mine took last week off to de clutter the house, 15 bin bags between charity shop and skips !! But it’s the shoes I’m waiting on her doing, 88 b*****d pairs on the last count I did and I would say well over a 100 now. .....I thought you were deid, Mr. Marcos.....[emoji44] 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heedthebaa Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 Just now, Florentine_Pogen said: .....I thought you were deid, Mr. Marcos..... 10 pairs of slippers ffs and only one pair of feet, why ? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 1 hour ago, IainMorton said: Who makes coffee in a pot? Turkish fowk. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 25 minutes ago, heedthebaa said: 10 pairs of slippers ffs and only one pair of feet, why ? You can never have too many pairs of shoes. I'm with team mrsheedthebaa here. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 7 minutes ago, Deontay WildPar said: You can never have too many pairs of shoes. I'm with team mrsheedthebaa here. When you said you were light on your feet I thought you meant boxing. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 38 minutes ago, heedthebaa said: Mine took last week off to de clutter the house, 15 bin bags between charity shop and skips !! But it’s the shoes I’m waiting on her doing, 88 b*****d pairs on the last count I did and I would say well over a 100 now. My wife has been doing that for years (and I mean years) but we're still cluttered to our oxters. She just moves it around, tbh. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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