GordonD Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 9 hours ago, Silverton End said: A couple of weeks ago I witnessed a large, 3-seat settee being forced out of a 1st floor flat window. The window was a large, 2 panel affair, one side which opened wide enough enabling the furniture to be squeezed through. It landed vertically on the grass & is still in the same position. ^^^^^ Doesn't match his wallpaper 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShaggysBeard Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 (edited) 18 hours ago, 19QOS19 said: 19 hours ago, The Moonster said: The more annoying thing with work toilets isn't the shite splattered on the pan, it's the lazy, nae user, scummy c***s that enter a cubicle for a pish (because they're ashamed of their wee willies), leave the seat down and then proceed to pish all over it before leaving without wiping it up, meaning the next c**t who goes in for shite (me) needs to wipe their pish off the seat before I can release. Scum of the earth IMO. Paruresis is a real thing brother! I do agree not lifting the seat is scumbag behaviour though. If I go to a urinal and someone is at the immediate urinal left or right then I can't pee until they finish up and go away. It's particularly bad if they try to talk. This leads to me having an internal paddy for 30 secs thinking that the other guy will be wondering why I'm just standing at a urinal with my knob out not doing a pee; occasionally I'll tut and shake my head and/or knob in the hope the guy just thinks I've some sort of pisser problems rather than just being odd. In reality they probably don't notice and if they do they certainly couldn't care less. Luckily I've never stood by someone with the same affliction, we'd be there for days. Edited March 12, 2019 by ShaggysBeard 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTChris Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 Best way to deal with this is to stand at the urinal right next to the other person, drop your trousers and pants round your ankles and stare directly into their eyes, while holding your penis. Soon you won't have to worry about anyone standing near you in a urinal or anywhere else! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Moonster Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 23 minutes ago, ShaggysBeard said: If I go to a urinal and someone is at the immediate urinal left or right then I can't pee until they finish up and go away. It's particularly bad if they try to talk. This leads to me having an internal paddy for 30 secs thinking that the other guy will be wondering why I'm just standing at a urinal with my knob out not doing a pee; occasionally I'll tut and shake my head and/or knob in the hope the guy just thinks I've some sort of pisser problems rather than just being odd. In reality they probably don't notice and if they do they certainly couldn't care less. Luckily I've never stood by someone with the same affliction, we'd be there for days. Seek help man. It's all in the heid. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
++Ammo - Airdrie++ Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 I get that in my work a lot too. But when you see they guys I work with (all overweight, a couple obese) then you can probably understand why. Their diets are horrendous, meaning their shites will be like liquid arse magma. Not a solid jobby between the lot of them.Their weight still doesn't excuse getting shite ON the toilet seat. I've seen it a few times and still cannot fathom how someone gets themselves into a situation they actually shite partly on the seat.Parking in the parent and child spaces at supermarkets when you don't have kids in the car. All so they have a little tiny bit more room so their pish car doesn't get scratched. A couple of times, the Mrs, Kids and I have been packing the shopping into the car when said scumbags are either getting out of, or.just going back into the car in the parent and child space with no kids.Twice I've stopped the person, pretending to be very concerned that they've left their kids somewhere as the don't seem to be in the car. The first time the guy sheepishly ignored me and put his head down and half jogged into Morrison's. The second time the boy hit out with some shite excuse about being in for surgery and was waiting on a blue disability badge, after I pointed him to the direction of the actual disability spaces, he thanked me and walked away into the shop.Bellend. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 Some c**t has just plastered tomato soup over the walls and floor near the vending machine at our trade counter. Not scummy behaviour in its own right, but not telling anyone they did it so it could be cleaned up definitely is. Makes you wonder what their house is like, the sket. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 On 11/03/2019 at 17:18, I'm Brian said: The cure for that shy bladder thing is copious amounts of beer. It never fails A few Hogmanays ago I was in a Wetherspoon's. After several pints (not beer) I went for a pish, to find some middle-aged men in Stone Island jumpers setting up lines on a cistern. I left it, but the blood that was left there went I went back wasn't really any more inviting. 8 hours ago, ShaggysBeard said: If I go to a urinal and someone is at the immediate urinal left or right then I can't pee until they finish up and go away. It's particularly bad if they try to talk. This leads to me having an internal paddy for 30 secs thinking that the other guy will be wondering why I'm just standing at a urinal with my knob out not doing a pee; occasionally I'll tut and shake my head and/or knob in the hope the guy just thinks I've some sort of pisser problems rather than just being odd. In reality they probably don't notice and if they do they certainly couldn't care less. Luckily I've never stood by someone with the same affliction, we'd be there for days. Try doing long multiplication in your head 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 20 minutes ago, Miguel Sanchez said: A few Hogmanays ago I was in a Wetherspoon's. After several pints (not beer) I went for a pish, to find some middle-aged men in Stone Island jumpers setting up lines on a cistern. I left it, but the blood that was left there went I went back wasn't really any more inviting. Try doing long multiplication in your head Isn't that for premature ejaculation? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 21 minutes ago, Miguel Sanchez said: Try doing long multiplication in your head Isn't that the cure for premature ejaculation? I'm told. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venti Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 7 hours ago, ++Ammo - Airdrie++ said: Their weight still doesn't excuse getting shite ON the toilet seat. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 7 minutes ago, GordonD said: Isn't that for premature ejaculation? I wouldn't know. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShaggysBeard Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 15 hours ago, Miguel Sanchez said: Try doing long multiplication in your head I sing in my head, that often works. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wuffster Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 I sing in my head, that often works.The writer Nicholson Baker had a top tip: imagine turning towards the person standing next to you and pishing all over their shoes/legs. Works a treat. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Busta Nut Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 On 10/03/2019 at 11:27, Big Chief Toffee Teeth said: On 09/03/2019 at 16:15, GordonD said: Guy did that to me outside Waverley Station once - was short of money for his train fare. A week later he came up to me again with the same story - I asked him if he'd been there since last week and he quickly went away. Old guy in Gordon Street in Glasgow asked me for a pound for a can of beer. (This was back when that's what it cost.) I was so impressed that he hadn't pretended it was for a cup of tea that I gave it to him. There's an English guy in Malaga airport who wanders about with his gear in a supermarket trolley. His spiel is that he missed his flight and his mates had all his cards and euros. He's tried this line with me five times in three years. Fair play to him : there have to be easier days jobs! I am sure the folk in town could make 200/300 quid a day. easy. On 10/03/2019 at 13:27, Deanburn Dave said: People who leave wee bags of dog crap hanging in trees and bushes. rips ma knittin this. Also, how do you folk who can't piss next to someone ever managed to fúck? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ2 Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 Also, how do you folk who can't piss next to someone ever managed to fúck?I’m not affected by this but I think you’re doing it wrong m8 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Busta Nut Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 Depends on whut yer into 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ2 Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 Depends on whut yer intoAh, so you to have met Mrs Shandon Par. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derry Alli Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 3 hours ago, Busta Nut said: how do you folk who can't piss next to someone ever managed to fúck? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 Last night as I was leaving work I saw some orange peel on the ground next a bin. This was inside the building as well. Lazy, jakey scumbag behaviour. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 11 minutes ago, DA Baracus said: Last night as I was leaving work I saw some orange peel on the ground next a bin. This was inside the building as well. Lazy, jakey scumbag behaviour. Rats/vermin don't like citrus. It's code m8 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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