The Minertaur Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 I was dragged along on a double date by my mate who was seeing this girl. Of course this girl had a friend: if anybody ever tells you that the girl they're seeing has a friend for you to meet then run away as fast as you can! I wasn't interested when we got on the date but being the good pal I feigned enough interest to keep everybody happy. My mate ended up getting lucky that night. I didn't. Got to the end of the night and we were all back at my mates having some drinks and she asked me to walk her home. Thought fair enough I'll get her home and then head back to mine - we're both students and she said she lived near the uni so wouldn't be too far. We were both a bit drunk and I doubted she would be able to navigate her way round the Aberdeen streets. Turns out though that her flat was about an hours walk away and by the time we go there it was close to 4am. About a minute before we got to her door it started pissing down with rain and she insisted that I crash there (I had no jacket or money for a taxi) but we had to be quiet as her brother was working early. Went into her house which was an absolute shit-tip and within 2 minutes she had KO'd and was snoring loudly. Rain was still pissing down so I stayed and fell asleep myself. Woke up to a strange knocking sound at the window. Looked up and seen what can only be described as the most junky looking junky in the world looking in right at me. If you look up junky in the dictionary you'll see a picture of this guy. Next thing you know there's banging on the front door and somebody screaming for Mike. All the while this junky stares at me through a window. Turns out her brother was a dealer and that his 'work' was dishing out all sorts of shit to the junkies in the neighbourhood. She ended up trying to sneak me out the back door as Mike was furious that there was somebody he didn't know in his house. I managed to escape out of her en-suite window and hurdled their pretty high back garden fence like Colin Jackson to the freedom of Aberdeen. So to summarise I didn't get lucky, almost got attacked by a drug dealer and then had to do a walk of shame back across Aberdeen in the rain. Got back to my flat and it turns out that my mate had a great night and that he was wanting to arrange a second double date. Strangely enough I declined. I had the last laugh though. He ended up dating his girl who turned out to be an absolute psycho and made his life a living hell for a few months. The only reason it lasted so long was that he didn't want to end it until he'd gotten his DVDs back from her flat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M0rtonfc Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 On 25/10/2018 at 21:32, NewBornBairn said: Pretty sure I've told this one before but, hey-ho. In 1989 I was working in London and flat-sitting a place in Holland park for a guy that was on a round the world yacht race. For those that don't know, Holland Park is very posh. I was in a basement flat and my neighbours were (I was told) somebody from Pink Floyd and the writer Carla Lane (Bread). Anyway, I met this lassie and we were doing the horizontal tango quite vigorously at the flat when her back clicked, very loudly and she screamed. I thought she was joking but it quickly became clear that she wasn't - her back had locked and she was in a lot of pain. I panicked a little bit perhaps and called an ambulance then realised I needed to cover her up to preserve her dignity. Did I mention that her back locked when her legs were spread wide and in the air? I couldn't get her legs to go flat and I tried but failed to get a pair of boxer shorts on her (couldn't find her knickers) so gave her a towel to put between her legs as the ambulance guys arrived and she pulled on a sweatshirt. To their credit they didn't laugh as they brought in a stretcher but they couldn't get her legs shut or flat either so they loaded her on the stretcher and tried to get her out to the ambulance. Did I mention that this was a tiny basement flat down a flight of steps? No matter how they tried they couldn't get this girl lying on a stretcher with her legs spread in the air out the narrow door. Every time they tried to move her legs she screamed in agony so eventually they gave her laughing gas, which kinda worked. By this time a small crowd had gathered outside attracted by the blue flashing lights. Every curtain in the street was twitching as the half naked girl was carried out on a stretcher with her legs spread and in the air laughing her head off. HAHAHAHAHAHA that is brilliant, burst oot laughing at the attempt to slip a pair of boxers on her haha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 6 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: An Asim, Shandon, June Brown 3 way IMO. The things Dot can do once she takes her teeth out is quite incredible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 29 minutes ago, Hand As Porn said: The things Dot can do once she takes her teeth out is quite incredible. Spoiler Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 1 minute ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Reveal hidden contents Spoiler Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duszek Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 I was working as an English teacher in a small town in the Czech Republic. I was leaving the job and an American bird had been hired to replace me. She arrived two days before I was due to leave. I took her out for a night on the (small) town, things were clicking between us and I invited her back to my place. I found a bottle of whisky and poured us both large drinks. I hate whisky and never drink it as it makes me sick, but I forgot that in my excitement. We were on the sofa, groping each other, when i made my excuses and went to the toilet. The next thing I knew, it was some hours later and I was sprawled on the toilet floor, hands round the toilet bowl, head spinning, and to my surprise and shame, 'soiled'. When i ventured out to the living room, she'd quite sensibly fucked off. I had to clean up the shit, dust myself off, and then go into work to complete the 'handover' to the American girl. Ah, memories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flybhoy Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 John Leslie's dinner date with Ulrika Johnson in the early 90's didn't go too well.....allegedly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ah-dee Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 I was working as an English teacher in a small town in the Czech Republic. I was leaving the job and an American bird had been hired to replace me. She arrived two days before I was due to leave. I took her out for a night on the (small) town, things were clicking between us and I invited her back to my place. I found a bottle of whisky and poured us both large drinks. I hate whisky and never drink it as it makes me sick, but I forgot that in my excitement. We were on the sofa, groping each other, when i made my excuses and went to the toilet. The next thing I knew, it was some hours later and I was sprawled on the toilet floor, hands round the toilet bowl, head spinning, and to my surprise and shame, 'soiled'. When i ventured out to the living room, she'd quite sensibly fucked off. I had to clean up the shit, dust myself off, and then go into work to complete the 'handover' to the American girl. Ah, memories.[emoji23][emoji23] thats brilliant. did you actually soil yourself? youre a brave man admitting that. i once fell asleep on the toilet floor but i only woke up with a bruise in the shape of a straight line (where the grout was between the tiles) down my forehead. that was bad enough! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speckled tangerine Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 8 hours ago, ah-dee said: thats brilliant. did you actually soil yourself? youre a brave man admitting that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross. Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Not exactly a dating disaster, but certainly an odd experience. Was out on a date with a girl I was having a casual relationship with(10/10 stunner, fwiw). We had ended up in the Garage, as a means of continuing the drinking, and for whatever reason it wasn't the busiest of nights. Any time I had to go to the bar, I was up and back in a couple of minutes. Any time it was her shot to go up, she would disappear for 15 minutes at a time before re-appearing with the drinks. Eventually asked her why it took so long for her to get served when I could manage it much quicker. Turned out she would walk round to one of the other bars in there, wait for another guy to start chatting her up, flirt with him until he bought the drinks, and then she would leave him there and come back round to me. She reckoned that on most nights out she would get the majority of her drinks bought in this way, and rarely got any hassle from the eejits who paid up. Any time after that that we went out I was half expecting to get my head kicked after she had been at the bar. Somehow never happened! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Moonster Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 1 hour ago, Ross. said: Not exactly a dating disaster, but certainly an odd experience. Was out on a date with a girl I was having a casual relationship with(10/10 stunner, fwiw). We had ended up in the Garage, as a means of continuing the drinking, and for whatever reason it wasn't the busiest of nights. Any time I had to go to the bar, I was up and back in a couple of minutes. Any time it was her shot to go up, she would disappear for 15 minutes at a time before re-appearing with the drinks. Eventually asked her why it took so long for her to get served when I could manage it much quicker. Turned out she would walk round to one of the other bars in there, wait for another guy to start chatting her up, flirt with him until he bought the drinks, and then she would leave him there and come back round to me. She reckoned that on most nights out she would get the majority of her drinks bought in this way, and rarely got any hassle from the eejits who paid up. Any time after that that we went out I was half expecting to get my head kicked after she had been at the bar. Somehow never happened! *xbl reacted angrily to this* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrewDon Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 2 hours ago, Ross. said: Not exactly a dating disaster, but certainly an odd experience. Was out on a date with a girl I was having a casual relationship with(10/10 stunner, fwiw). We had ended up in the Garage, as a means of continuing the drinking, and for whatever reason it wasn't the busiest of nights. Any time I had to go to the bar, I was up and back in a couple of minutes. Any time it was her shot to go up, she would disappear for 15 minutes at a time before re-appearing with the drinks. Eventually asked her why it took so long for her to get served when I could manage it much quicker. Turned out she would walk round to one of the other bars in there, wait for another guy to start chatting her up, flirt with him until he bought the drinks, and then she would leave him there and come back round to me. She reckoned that on most nights out she would get the majority of her drinks bought in this way, and rarely got any hassle from the eejits who paid up. Any time after that that we went out I was half expecting to get my head kicked after she had been at the bar. Somehow never happened! 'Reader, I married her.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross. Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Just now, DrewDon said: 'Reader, I married her.' Alas, she will forever be one that got away. And I don't mean that from a Fred West/Peter Tobin perspective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Way more people here have gone on dates than I would ever have expected. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
senorsoupe Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Probably the worst date I had didn't have any problems with the girl. I was in Nice in 2008 during my backpacking adventure and there was a cute Japanese girl staying in the hostel who really wanted someone to go for seafood with her. She was pretty, I like seafood so I decided to go on a date with her. Unfortunately whatever restaurant we went to had dodgy seafood and I got the worst food poisoning in my life, I think I spent the next 2 days on the toilet (having to postpone my departure to Rome) and had a sensitive stomach for a good week or so afterwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ2 Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Alas, she will forever be one that got away. And I don't mean that from a Fred West/Peter Tobin perspective.At least you did manage to kill her then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsimButtHitsASix Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 1 hour ago, BillyAnchor said: Way more people here have gone on dates than I would ever have expected. Only since I got to London has "dating" been a thing. Before that it was either pulling someone on a night out or the classic "everycunt else at this party has crashed out apart from us two. I know I'm only staying up to see if she wants a ride so gonna presume she's the same" Never fails Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross. Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 31 minutes ago, NJ2 said: At least you did manage to kill her then. I'm admitting to nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweaty Morph Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 22 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 4 minutes ago, Sweaty Morph said: Imagine their love child? @Unleash The Nade Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.