Autism

[RH33]

49 minutes ago, effeffsee_the2nd said:

The one thing I feel is hard to get the balance right with in terms of treatment is; the NHS see people on a priority based on severity, the NHS doctors I've seen as an adult were surprised at how well my life was on the surface to the point of not taking me seriously, whereas the private ones( which weren't cheap btw) definitely appear to tell you what they think you want to hear . It was only on getting a prescription through a private one that my GP wasn't too happy about that i even got into the NHS by the backdoor anyway.

 I think I was fortunate to get diagnosed as a child in the mid 1990's though I actually have no idea my parents had to wait to get things moving. I was given help and support for the remainder of my schooling & TBF I had a pretty instant transformation from dunce boy to doing pretty well academically as soon as it kicked in. But broader  understanding of the condition was less advanced then than now, for instance my parents were told it was a childhood condition that I would grow out of, the doctors were purely concerned with classroom performance and behaviour, there was nothing beyond that which seemed to matter, like the awful social skills that take years of (extra) practice and learning by calamities to get right. Or the fact that I was told upon leaving school that since I wasn't going to be doing an office type of job, I would no longer need support or medication -  Turns out it was spectacularly wrong. 

 I also received zero guidance on approaching the adult  world with it, the impulsiveness or short temper being two things that can easily get you into big trouble in no time. I was a problem drinker for maybe 8 years and had to cut out alcohol entirely because as soon as I'd had 2 pints I would impulsively get blootered and spend the night harassing uninterested women until I ended up chucked out or in a fight.

long story short, It's a c**t of a condition to be lumbered with & I really hope it turns out your youngest doesn't have it, but if he/she does then at least now there's enough knowledge that they don't have to go down the same route as those before did. If it turns out they do though I'm more than happy to offer some advice, my parents got a lot wrong but only because they never knew better.

I have BPD. Diagnosed at 24. By sounds.of it we went through school same kind of time. I think now I'd have probably been given an ASD. But they have many similarities. They all have lifetime impact and learning coping skills is key. Thankfully as parents we are more knowledgeable than ours were.

I've spent a fortune on all sorts activities but have found being around animals soothes my youngest. Three farm days on bank hols at £45 a time though plus horse riding once a fortnight. I have someone who comes about once every six weeks and works on helping her understand her emotions and reactions/manage anxiety.

I've also made it clear that being an arsehole won't be accepted no matter what!

 

[effeffsee_the2nd]

40 minutes ago, RH33 said:

I have BPD. Diagnosed at 24. By sounds.of it we went through school same kind of time. I think now I'd have probably been given an ASD. But they have many similarities. They all have lifetime impact and learning coping skills is key. Thankfully as parents we are more knowledgeable than ours were.

I've spent a fortune on all sorts activities but have found being around animals soothes my youngest. Three farm days on bank hols at £45 a time though plus horse riding once a fortnight. I have someone who comes about once every six weeks and works on helping her understand her emotions and reactions/manage anxiety.

I've also made it clear that being an arsehole won't be accepted no matter what!

 

Yeah that last bit is interesting and there's no easy way to deal with it, it may just be that you'll need to accept that she's going to be in "trouble" a bit more often than you want, but at the same time don't let that define her if that makes sense?

You just can't accept it though and there has to be consequences  because no one in the wider world will tolerate your pish, I've had a few punches that were definitely my own fault for mouthing at folk, but at the time I thought the other person was at fault. Thing is I hate the thought of me being an arsehole, but it's never stopped me from being one.  either through impulsiveness or more often because a sudden feeling of anger or frustration just total overwhelms any sensible part of your brain that any thought of consequences goes right out the window, until you're left to deal with the ramifications later..

[Raidernation]

All he kids we have at the school here have some diagnosis, hence why they're with us not in "mainstream" education.

Today has been particularly rough however.....

[RH33]

12 hours ago, effeffsee_the2nd said:

Yeah that last bit is interesting and there's no easy way to deal with it, it may just be that you'll need to accept that she's going to be in "trouble" a bit more often than you want, but at the same time don't let that define her if that makes sense?

You just can't accept it though and there has to be consequences  because no one in the wider world will tolerate your pish, I've had a few punches that were definitely my own fault for mouthing at folk, but at the time I thought the other person was at fault. Thing is I hate the thought of me being an arsehole, but it's never stopped me from being one.  either through impulsiveness or more often because a sudden feeling of anger or frustration just total overwhelms any sensible part of your brain that any thought of consequences goes right out the window, until you're left to deal with the ramifications later..

No it's not easy to get the balance correct, sometimes its clear the meltdown is from being overwhelmed. 

[Lucyintheskywithdiamonds]

9 minutes ago, RH33 said:

No it's not easy to get the balance correct, sometimes its clear the meltdown is from being overwhelmed. 

My cousin has autism he is 12 years old he has been brought up in an environment with a lot of siblings so his therapist says that has helped him a lot more with social skills having so many siblings but he is very much in his routine and a sudden change to that results in a meltdown to that so it is like you say getting that balance right and trying not to overwhelm him or stress him out. I know a few adults some with mild autism and some at the other end of the spectrum that use it as an excuse for not doing something almost like a “get out of jail” card for example a friend of mine was in a relationship with a man with mild autism for a few years they lived three hours apart,she did 99% of the travelling to him,2-3 times a week and back his excuse for not making the effort was he found travelling tiring but on the other hand he travelled near enough an 8-9 hour trip to see a football game every other week and had no issue booking holidays for himself and travelling then. So he just used his undiagnosed autism as an excuse for not putting in effort. I do agree with the above statement about autism becoming one of these things everyone has to have almost like “the newest trend” the same way lgbt etc has. Which is sad because some people really do suffer with it. 

[s_dog]

This appears to be the downside of people being much more aware of autism nowadays, people who think they have some personality/behavioural traits that are similar to some of the characteristics, so they must be autistic, or think that most people are maybe a wee bit autistic. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, s_dog said:

This appears to be the downside of people being much more aware of autism nowadays, people who think they have some personality/behavioural traits that are similar to some of the characteristics, so they must be autistic, or think that most people are maybe a wee bit autistic. 

Very much so. Autism is a victim of its own success so to speak. People think they know about Autism and think that Rainman or bloody Sheldon is at all relevant

[Lucyintheskywithdiamonds]

4 hours ago, s_dog said:

This appears to be the downside of people being much more aware of autism nowadays, people who think they have some personality/behavioural traits that are similar to some of the characteristics, so they must be autistic, or think that most people are maybe a wee bit autistic. 

Like you say they think that some of the characteristics are similar so they self diagnose themselves and it. Someone I knew with “self diagnosed autism” was selective with when he was autistic if that makes sense. Like they’d stay nights at their friends house a few times a year,had stayed in student accomadation and stayed in various different hotels multiple times a year when they travelled however when his partner asked him to stay a night at her house he had a “meltdown” over it because he claimed didn’t like staying new places or any place that wasn’t his home. So in that instance I do think it was put on to a degree because my cousin with autism and close friends that have autism or Asperger’s aren’t selective with their autism my cousin doesn’t like big crowds of people at all but that would be like him saying he didn’t want to go to a family event but on the next note was going to a concert or football match with thousands of people. It’s not something they can control. 

[RH33]

I've asked for a diagnosis review. It'll take a long time and not a lot will change, apart from hopefully if I continue in employment, better support. I don't tend to disclose BPD as no one knows what it is.

I've been in my job for a year, mainly as it is wfh, so no office crap, my team lead and another person I know asked me recently to consider a review. 

On balance I've nothing to loose, there's a weight of evidence about the timeline and presentation of female ASD which fits. It simply wasn't as well understood twenty years ago.

I apologised to the doctor as I know it's a 'popular' thing at moment but she said she knew my request was.coming from place of knowledge and thirty years MH issues and not tiktoc.

Edited July 18, 2023 by RH33

[Guest]

8 minutes ago, RH33 said:

I've asked for a diagnosis review. It'll take a long time and not a lot will change, apart from hopefully if I continue in employment, better support. I don't tend to disclose BPD as no one knows what it is.

I've been in my job for a year, mainly as it is wfh, so no office crap, my team lead and another person I know asked me recently to consider a review. 

On balance I've nothing to loose, there's a weight of evidence about the timeline and presentation of female ASD which fits. It simply wasn't as well understood twenty years ago.

I apologised to the doctor as I know it's a 'popular' thing at moment but she said she knew my request was.coming from place of knowledge and thirty years MH issues and not tiktoc.

Go for it. No need to apologise. If you're autistic you're autistic. It's only "popular" now because more people who have it are realising it. 

[RH33]

1 hour ago, Autistisches Nilpferd said:

Go for it. No need to apologise. If you're autistic you're autistic. It's only "popular" now because more people who have it are realising it. 

I agree, but I do think there's a certain amount bandwagon jumping at moment. There's a very profitable but dodgy market in private diagnosis too. Panorama had episode about it recently.

[Jives Miguel]

What's the main positives of getting a diagnosis as an adult? Is it just mainly peace of mind of having that confirmation and understanding about yourself? 

 

 

[RH33]

24 minutes ago, Jives Miguel said:

What's the main positives of getting a diagnosis as an adult? Is it just mainly peace of mind of having that confirmation and understanding about yourself? 

 

 

The main reason I'm asking for a review is because I'm back in the workforce and while my current job is wfh and my boss is supportive, I've never lasted anywhere more than 12/18 months prior without crisis and resignation. 

All my coping mechanisms and medication will remain the same but I'd more likely declare ASD as nobody has a clue what BPD is and assume you're a psycho when you say personality disorders.

Basically, if my suspicions are confirmed I'll feel more confident declaring an issue to employers so that I can access support. Until I started this wfh job I just assumed I'd never hold steady employment. But with understanding manager (who was like are you sure you're not ASD) and wfh I've flourished. 

 

[Jives Miguel]

2 hours ago, RH33 said:

The main reason I'm asking for a review is because I'm back in the workforce and while my current job is wfh and my boss is supportive, I've never lasted anywhere more than 12/18 months prior without crisis and resignation. 

All my coping mechanisms and medication will remain the same but I'd more likely declare ASD as nobody has a clue what BPD is and assume you're a psycho when you say personality disorders.

Basically, if my suspicions are confirmed I'll feel more confident declaring an issue to employers so that I can access support. Until I started this wfh job I just assumed I'd never hold steady employment. But with understanding manager (who was like are you sure you're not ASD) and wfh I've flourished. 

 

 

Interesting, thank you. I'm quite similar as you with regards to jobs, never had one over 18 months. 3 spells of a year+ unemployed since I left school. Interviews are a painful experience. Was sacked from the last one for performance and (less so) social reasons, caused by my presumed ASD. That was yer stereotypical open plan office job, where everyone was friends with one another, chatting all day, needed to walk over to someone's desk if you needed something from them etc. Was hellish for me.

I think I have always resisted going to to the doctors partially because I think I'd honestly rather not even know. And also because what's the point now I'm no longer a child, bit like locking the stable door after the horse has bolted.

Edited July 19, 2023 by Jives Miguel

[Gaz]

9 hours ago, Jives Miguel said:

What's the main positives of getting a diagnosis as an adult? Is it just mainly peace of mind of having that confirmation and understanding about yourself? 

For me, this was exactly it. My wife is autistic and has ADHD and had recognised the signs in me a long, long time ago. I would do things in a certain way, fixate on certain things and I didn't know why. Getting a diagnosis helped me realise why.

[Boo Khaki]

11 hours ago, Jives Miguel said:

What's the main positives of getting a diagnosis as an adult? Is it just mainly peace of mind of having that confirmation and understanding about yourself? 

 

 

It can be helpful in a number of circumstances. Technically, once you have a formal diagnosis your employer is then obliged to consider you as someone with a disability, so there can be good grounds for asking for some reasonable adjustments and so on. It can also be significant with regards to Welfare, certain benefits, and what DWP can realistically ask and expect of you. 

Obviously no two people with Autism will present exactly the same, and some people will never ever have need of the above, but the main thing is that it gives you a legally protected status that you might not have had otherwise.

[the snudge]

Has anyone taking the Autism Quotient test and would it have any weight behind it if you went to the GP? I scored fairly high.

I have an initial first appointment for an ADHD diagnosis, I was wondering if anyone has any experience if they would flag up suspected autism in that?

[Guest]

8 minutes ago, the snudge said:

Has anyone taking the Autism Quotient test and would it have any weight behind it if you went to the GP? I scored fairly high.

I have an initial first appointment for an ADHD diagnosis, I was wondering if anyone has any experience if they would flag up suspected autism in that?

As mentioned above. We send out the AQ10 (there's also an AQ50). Our advice is to answer it then go to your GP with it as evidence along with how your communication, interaction, planning and sensory processing may be different from what would be expected.

[Boo Khaki]

AQ is just one of a multitude of tools they use. I don't know whether your own GP would give it any credence, but that's not really here nor there because your GP wont be carrying out an assessment anyway, it's just their job to refer you on to the appropriate people.

Personally I don't put much stock in AQ test alone, because it's very obviously intended to flag some pretty stereotypical autistic traits but doesn't take any account at all of some other pertinent factors. I don't score particularly highly on AQ test, above the threshold, but barely so, whereas my female relatives who are what I would describe as 'screamingly obviously autistic' don't score highly on it at all. 

The problem with self-administered AQ test is it depends on the respondent actually having some insight into their own behaviours. A lot of genuinely autistic people honestly believe they have no issues with social cues, nuance etc, so they'll answer so on the AQ test despite the test 'fishing' for a 'definitely agree' answer to detect a possible autistic trait. It's horrendously flawed and poor methodology IMO.

[Richey Edwards]

34 minutes ago, the snudge said:

Has anyone taking the Autism Quotient test and would it have any weight behind it if you went to the GP? I scored fairly high.

I have an initial first appointment for an ADHD diagnosis, I was wondering if anyone has any experience if they would flag up suspected autism in that?

I had never took the test, but took it just now and got 32.