City guide- Cologne

[the snudge]

Thanks for that post. We're there for 6 days.

Anyone have any experience of the theme park there? 

[newcastle broon]

We're staying Bonn for match night travelling up from Augsburg.

is there anywhere we can dump bags in cologne to collect after the match and how difficult is it to get from/to Bonn?

I know its just down the road but not sure whether just to detour (train tickets booked Augsburg Cologne) to Bonn pre match and check in hotel?

 

[PSJ.84]

19 minutes ago, newcastle broon said:

We're staying Bonn for match night travelling up from Augsburg.

is there anywhere we can dump bags in cologne to collect after the match and how difficult is it to get from/to Bonn?

I know its just down the road but not sure whether just to detour (train tickets booked Augsburg Cologne) to Bonn pre match and check in hotel?

 

There’s a storage locker in the train station and not that expensive if I remember correctly. Bonn is in the free travel zone though, so easy enough to get to. 

[Stellaboz]

2 hours ago, the snudge said:

Thanks for that post. We're there for 6 days.

Anyone have any experience of the theme park there? 

Phantasialand? Nah never been. 

1 hour ago, newcastle broon said:

We're staying Bonn for match night travelling up from Augsburg.

is there anywhere we can dump bags in cologne to collect after the match and how difficult is it to get from/to Bonn?

I know its just down the road but not sure whether just to detour (train tickets booked Augsburg Cologne) to Bonn pre match and check in hotel?

 

Aye what PB said. There's lockers at the station if you turn left from the main entrance from the Dom. 

Bonn is easy, should be trains still after the game from main station, might want to consider taking it from Deutz as the 1 tram goes from the stadium to there instead of main station. Worst case you can get the 18 tram or a bus. 

[Connor7]

On 15/05/2024 at 23:16, Stellaboz said:

Right, as a resident of this fine city I wanted to put together a wee guide for those coming during the Euros in June. I hope that I can give a few tips and pointers for those who haven't been over here before. This is a brilliant place to live and the people here (myself included) are quite proud of where we live. It's by no means perfect and although some say it's not a pretty place, in the summer it's an absolutely terrific place to be. If I remember more things that could be relevant I'll add them and highlight where. Really hope this is useful for someone. Long post alert!

I've split the guide up into sections: 

1. General advice
2. Bars and booze
3. Eating out
4. Things to do
5. Transport/Matchday

1. General advice

This is just some random stuff for being in Germany in general so if you have been here before this isn't for you.

Germans in my experience are much nicer than the profile that I felt was given back home. They're very helpful and most people here under the age of 30 speak at least a little English, so if you need help with directions or something I would ask someone younger if possible. Cologne itself has a vast and colourful ethnic mix, you might hear all kinds of languages while walking about on a non-matchday. 

One thing that really sticks out in my mind though, is that you don't get as much personal space. People will brush past you without meaning to be aggressive, or not give you as much space maybe when queuing or something. I know that sounds weird but just incase anyone gets the wrong idea. It just seems to be accepted, whereas I think back home people would run across the street before the thought of even brushing past a stranger.

This also might sound ridiculous but under no circumstances make any nazi jokes, even if in the unlikely event someone is being a dick to you. It's a huge taboo and you can literally get arrested for such things, so leave the Basil Faulty personas at home unless you want to find out what a German jail looks like from inside, which I can't help you with. Germans are brought up with a tint of shame about this subject and have done incredibly well to have moved on as a society, they take it very personal when someone starts making jokes in their own backyard. 

You can be fined for jay-walking. Yes you read that correctly. If the police catch you crossing the lights when they are red, the are perfectly entitled to give you an on-the-spot fine. I think it's like 10 euros or something, so just be aware that it's a thing. I've seen people wait in the dead of night when there was no traffic around for the green man (Ampelman!) which looks and is hilarious, but it's 100% a thing. 

For help with translation, use the DeepL app https://www.deepl.com/translator  Disclaimer- I actually work for DeepL but it's vastly superior to Google and I'm not ashamed to tell people about it. There's an absolute shit-load of effort that goes into making it accurate and the English-German translation is second to none. 

Shops are closed on Sundays. Only restaurants, bars, cafes, kiosks and bakeries for the most part are open on Sundays. That goes for all of Germany. Public transport is fine though and many shops at the main station will be open if you do want something. So your local supermarkets, like Rewe or Lidl will be closed on Sunday. The only exception is the Rewe at the airport which I think is open 24h.  

You can pay with card in more places than you could 5 years ago, but there is still a culture of cash in Germany. So be on the safe side and carry a little on you just incase. There are many places that still don't take card, although it's getting much better now. You should be able to pay with card in the stadium for food and drink.

2. Bars and Booze

Let's just get into the good stuff. Right, as most people know, Cologne is famous for it's Kölsch beers and for good reason. Many of them are tremendous, and I could write a whole topic dedicated to them but I'm not much of a wordsmith and won't do them justice, so for quickness sake I'll recommend a handful and discourage a few. Before that, you should know that they serve them in small half pint-like glasses in pubs. Something to do with the the way it's brewed that it's not great when it goes flat. Tip- don't bother ordering a large, just go with it and keep ordering smaller ones but faster, they taste better. 

Great- Reissdorf, Gaffel, Gilden, Schrekenskamer, Sünner, Pfaffen. 

Average- Mühlen (very hoppy), Peters, Sester, Früh (not from bottle though- disgusting)

Awful- Hansa, Kuppers, Dom (do not try)

There are also many other fine Cologne beers such as Gaffel Wiess (lovely almost blonde tasting beer, highly recommend on hot days) and Nolte, another lovely helles beer. Avoid Zappes- it's a hipster brand and must be avoided at all costs. Tastes putrid. 

And if you haven't been living under a rock for your whole life, you'll  be aware that the whole of Germany is famous for it's beer. You probably can't go wrong with any Munchen or Augustiner helles you find anywhere, but like anywhere you might come across an utter stinker like Paderborner Pils. 

Cologne has many brauhauses to visit like any good German city. I haven't even come close to visiting them all yet, but be aware they'll be tied to a specific brewery so you if you want to try different ones you'll have to hop between them. You also get the best of traditional German food in these places too, more on that later. I haven't been to a bad brauhaus yet, but be aware that if you're in with a group they'll expect a tip if you're there and spending a lot.

*Also, if you want to stop drinking, you need to place your beermat ontop of your glass, or many places will simply pop another beer down for you*.

Some of my favourites are:

Brauhaus Pffaffen (you can ONLY get this Kölsch in their brauhauses), one in the old town and one near Friesenplatz: https://zum-pfaffen.koeln/

Brauhaus Walfisch (Sünner Kölsch) https://walfisch.de/

Brauhaus Schreckenskammer (a short walk from the main station) https://schreckenskammer.com/ 

In terms of pubs, there are far too many to mention. But if you want something other than Kölsch and you're in the old town, try Delirium (you can play the SNES!) https://www.deliriumcafe-koeln.de/ or the Craft Beer Corner Cologne https://craftbeercorner.eu/ which has fucking thousands of beers (or so it feels). There is also Lost Level https://lostlevel.bar/ where you can drink and play video games. The area around Zulpicher Strasse has tons of great places but it's a slightly younger crowd. 

The old town next to the river has tons of places, but if you're elsewhere in the city during a longer stay, feel free to DM me for specific areas. Friesenstrasse, Zulpicher Strasse Belgiun Quarter and Ehrenfeld are all districts with a lot of varied and lively nightlife. Where Düsseldorf only has one lively bar area, Cologne has at least half a dozen. 

TOP TIP- please don't restrict yourself to just boozing in the brauhaus. You can drink anywhere in the city except on buses and trams (there is around a 60 euro fine if you're caught- probably not on a matchday, we'll get to that later). If you want to really enjoy Cologne, I thoroughly recommend grabbing a beer from a kiosk and staying outside, go down to the river, or do what many of us do here and "hop" from kiosk to kiosk. It's literally a thing, there are books and tours on this specific activity in Cologne. There are hundreds and hundreds of kiosks everywhere and they are open 24 hours, there is no 10pm curfew for drinking and any good kiosk has a bottle opener at the door on the way out, or at the till. It's also the best way to try all the different beers you might want. Let me repeat that- 24 hour drinking anywhere you want. 

If you are drinking outside, please don't destroy your beer bottles. They have what's called "pfand" or in other words, people can get money back for them. Around 8-12cents. Many poor and homeless people go around collecting these and taking them to supermarkets to get cash back, so if you're finished with one, please just leave it sitting next to a bin and someone will take it eventually. 

If you want a good cocktail, try Papa Joes for a Zombie and they have live music every night https://www.papajoes.de/ or if you want something very fancy with the missus go to Woods https://www.woods-cologne.de/ or Samuel's Shep down near Zulpicher Strasse. 

3. Eating Out

As I've mentioned already, if you want to taste the best traditional German dishes, go to any Brauhaus. Schnitzels are 99.9% guaranteed amazing, I like the one with the mushroom and pepper sauce. 

Sadly, if you want a good old fry-up, the only place in town is Jamesons Irish bar on Friesenstrasse https://jamesondistillerypub.com/ but at least it's a good fry up and you'll get a pint without straying outside the city centre. 

For a really good steak, Collina's is the best but VERY pricey https://www.colinakoeln.de/

Want to go eat in the middle ages? Lord of the Grillz is the best bet BUT it's hard to get a reservation and it's not exactly central. Still, if you're in Cologne longer than a day or two this is worth the effort. Great food, you can drink proper mead and the bar girl might even just casually drop a fucking Morningstar on your table (no euph) https://lordofthegrillz.de/

BEST BURGER- Peter Pane https://peterpane.de/standorte/#!/l/koln/friesenplatz-2-8/3044562 or Hans Im Gluck is decent too. 

There's so many places to eat though. If you want recommendation for something specific like Italian, DM me. 

Word of warning- they charge you for water, they don't normally serve tap water in bars or restaurants and THEY WILL CHARGE YOU STUPID PRICES for it. Don't say I didn't want you. You can try ask nicely, some places will but most will look at you like you've murdered their only child. 

4. Things to do

If you're only staying a day or two over the Swiss game, probably just skip this bit. You may have heard the interview with our Mayor Henrietta Reker saying you should enjoy all the museums. Don't bother, especially the chocolate museum. Under no circumstances should you visit the chocolate museum. It's a complete and utter waste of time and that is coming from someone who eats a lot of chocolate. So here are a couple of more fun activities for those who have a little more time and need a break from the Brauhauses!

The best view of the city is from the Deutz Triangle http://www.koelntrianglepanorama.de/ it's only about 3 euros to go up and it has a 360 panorama. Actually, you're not allowed to drink up there, so add that to buses and trams on that previous list, but it gives a stunning view of the city and beyond. On a clear day, you can see Bonn and Dusseldorf, and the clear glass screen actually shows you what is in that direction you're facing. 

Of course, Cologne is famous for it's cathedral known here as The Dom. You can go up to the top of this but the view is honestly not even close to the triangle and the stairs going up are narrow, shit and too busy. Instead, go inside for a moment of peace and cool air if it's roasting.

Cologne Zoo is pretty cool and easy to get with the 18 tram. 

If a group of you want to go do something fun, go here https://fun-and-sport.de/arena/ it's pool, darts and bowling but with footballs. And it has a bar. But it's reservation only now, so don't just turn up. Should be easy to reserve during the day though. 

Bars in Germany don't have pool tables, but should you want to scratch that itch, go to https://www.giga-center.de/ where you can of course drink and there are other stuff like darts too, and big screens showing sports. 

If you want to do a day trip from Cologne, feel free to visit Bonn. It's a beautiful city and worth a thread all on it's own to be honest. Dusseldorf not so much, it's a boring city with not much to do. If you're in a group and with a car, go to the Ahr valley. It's less than an hour from Cologne and is fucking stunning, and very famous for it's wine. Aachen is also lovely, with Maastricht not much further, or Koblenz to the south. 

Cologne has Europe's largest brothel building- La Pasha. There's a nightclub downstairs and the brothel is apparently a fiver to get in. No idea how much it is for your hole mind (honestly!). There is also another large brothel directly across from it, as well as smaller ones dotted around the city. It wouldn't be much of a city guide without mentioning this...

5. Transport/Matchday

After clearing my cookies and my underwear, let's talk about matchday. There is one tram line towards the Rheinenergie stadium. That's the number 1 line and if you're drinking centrally before the match, go to Heumarkt and take it from there. It's about 30 minutes from there to get to the ground. On matchdays, the city puts on loads more trams than normal but they get packed quickly. As it's not a "normal" matchday, I'm not sure how it'll be but you should be able to get on at Heumarkt fine. Just give yourself a little bit longer just incase there's a problem on the line. Coming back from the stadium to the city centre after, again there should be loads of trams. Infact, when you're walking out after I would even recommend walking a little to the left once you are at the tram stop and walk a short distance to the previous stop to get a decent seat. Remember what I said about no drinking on the trams? Well, normally on a matchday this never gets enforced because it's so busy. But just be aware that it is a thing. 

For those that are going on the "march to the ground" you want to take an S12 or S19 from the main station (Hauptbahnhof) to Mungerdorf Technologiepark. It takes less than 10 minutes and is only 3 stops. It's the last platform, I think 11. If you go over the river, you're a choob and taken it the wrong way from platform 10, so just get off at Deutz and take the next one from the adjacent platform. 

I don't recommend walking to the ground from the city centre at all. It's an absolute trek and although it could be a bit of a kiosk hop, it's still a fucking trek. Probably 1h 30 or longer. 

Near the stadium there are some chain restaurants and bars but not a great selection and they might be packed pre-match. However, UEFA have been talking about putting stuff on for the fans on matchdays and I would expect some cool stuff to happen outside the ground itself. There's a large green area and there'll hopefully be loads of food and drink stalls put up on gameday. Might even be room for a kick-about. 

Fan zones are Heumarkt and Tanzbrunnen for Cologne. So central, and just across the river. Hopefully going to Tanzbrunnen for the opening game so I can tell you more about that after the Germany game if it's worth it or not. Heumarkt FZ sounds like it'll be absolutely rammed constantly due to it's location. 

If you need a taxi, I would recommend using Uber or Bolt instead. They're far cheaper and you don't need to worry about cash. I've had some poor experiences with taxi drivers here especially when they think you're not from there. Uber is definitely the best option. 

If you're coming from the airport, there are trains direct to the main station, you'll see the signs clearly marked when you're at the airport station. You can also get an Uber from the airport too, just need to be clear where exactly you are to be picked up. 

Public transport is good around the city, but when delays happen they happen big time. Same goes for the train network around Germany, whatever your perception of German efficiency, you'll soon find out it's a complete and utter myth. Possibly their best export. Give yourself time if you have connections while travelling, this is not Switzerland. 

I have a ton of other things, but hopefully this is enough to help people out a wee bit in this wonderful city. If you need any recommendations or advice, feel free to DM and I am happy to help out. 

 

Great info mate thank you. We arrive at Düsseldorf airport on the Sunday. 108 to get an Uber  to our hotel in Bonn between 4 of us.
 

Is there a train station at Düsseldorf that would get us to Bonn? Or are we as well just getting the Uber for time/price

[Pie Of The Month]

6 minutes ago, Connor7 said:

Great info mate thank you. We arrive at Düsseldorf airport on the Sunday. 108 to get an Uber  to our hotel in Bonn between 4 of us.
 

Is there a train station at Düsseldorf that would get us to Bonn? Or are we as well just getting the Uber for time/price

The regional train straight from Dusseldorf airport to Koblenz stops at Bonn. 

There's 2 stations at the airport though so make sure you follow the directions to the SkyTrain in the airport and jump on that to Dusseldorf Flughafen station which will be where you get regional trains, only the S-Bahn runs from the station underneath the airport.

[Billy Jean King]

17 hours ago, the snudge said:

Thanks for that post. We're there for 6 days.

Anyone have any experience of the theme park there? 

We are staying in Bruhl, its almost walking distance from our hotel so every chance we might give it a spin on a down day.

[Aufc]

I feel as a non beer drinker that I am going to stand out like a sore finger. 

[lanky_ffc]

@Stellaboz brilliant guide 

Are there any pubs you'd recommend for watching the football on the Friday evening? We won't be in the city centre until 5pm and I'd like some options in case the fanzones are already full 

[Stellaboz]

32 minutes ago, lanky_ffc said:

@Stellaboz brilliant guide 

Are there any pubs you'd recommend for watching the football on the Friday evening? We won't be in the city centre until 5pm and I'd like some options in case the fanzones are already full 

Ironically I'll be in the same position, fly back from Spain about 3pm and bit worried about the fanzones...

 

Honestly I can't recommend any specific bars in the centre. There are so, so many places in and around the city centre and beyond. 

Any of the Brauhaus I mentioned would do, Guilden I'm Zims, maybe even The Corkonian if you don't mind an Irish bar. Watched a couple games there before. Or Barney's round the corner but that place is tiny.

That's my list of first tries if the fanzones are already jammed. I'll you look up Salzgasse on the map I'm going to try any of the bars down that way if not  

[Stellaboz]

Have I mentioned the beer pong bar? 

There's a beer pong bar. 

www.beerpongbar-koeln.de

Edited June 6 by Stellaboz

[Nightmare]

First time I’ve noticed this thread. We’re in Cologne for 6 days, and I’d just like to add my thanks for all the effort that’s gone into this guide @Stellaboz - can’t wait to visit your city. Cheers.

[wee walker]

Hi

Thank you so much for all the helpful information . 

We'll be travelling from mannheim to cologne, is there any part of this journey we can do a cruise along the rhine? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Stellaboz]

3 hours ago, wee walker said:

Hi

Thank you so much for all the helpful information . 

We'll be travelling from mannheim to cologne, is there any part of this journey we can do a cruise along the rhine? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Absolutely! Travelled back by boat from Bonn to Cologne after an all-nighter. Was brilliant. Check out these websites, the KD cruises also do round trips within Cologne but they go to other cities too. 

https://www.k-d.com/en/cruises/cologne

https://www.bonner-schifffahrt.de/en/journeys/rhine-cruises-bonn-cologne-scheduled-cruises-day-cruises

[Stevie Kirk]

I see the weather is looking rather pish in cologne next week. How will that affect the fan zones?

[DG.Roma]

36 minutes ago, Stevie Kirk said:

I see the weather is looking rather pish in cologne next week. How will that affect the fan zones?

Hopefully filter out some of the locals and leave enough space for us battle hardened Scots!

[stevieKTID]

On 16/05/2024 at 00:16, Stellaboz said:

Right, as a resident of this fine city I wanted to put together a wee guide for those coming during the Euros in June. I hope that I can give a few tips and pointers for those who haven't been over here before. This is a brilliant place to live and the people here (myself included) are quite proud of where we live. It's by no means perfect and although some say it's not a pretty place, in the summer it's an absolutely terrific place to be. If I remember more things that could be relevant I'll add them and highlight where. Really hope this is useful for someone. Long post alert!

I've split the guide up into sections: 

1. General advice
2. Bars and booze
3. Eating out
4. Things to do
5. Transport/Matchday

1. General advice

This is just some random stuff for being in Germany in general so if you have been here before this isn't for you.

Germans in my experience are much nicer than the profile that I felt was given back home. They're very helpful and most people here under the age of 30 speak at least a little English, so if you need help with directions or something I would ask someone younger if possible. Cologne itself has a vast and colourful ethnic mix, you might hear all kinds of languages while walking about on a non-matchday. 

One thing that really sticks out in my mind though, is that you don't get as much personal space. People will brush past you without meaning to be aggressive, or not give you as much space maybe when queuing or something. I know that sounds weird but just incase anyone gets the wrong idea. It just seems to be accepted, whereas I think back home people would run across the street before the thought of even brushing past a stranger.

This also might sound ridiculous but under no circumstances make any nazi jokes, even if in the unlikely event someone is being a dick to you. It's a huge taboo and you can literally get arrested for such things, so leave the Basil Faulty personas at home unless you want to find out what a German jail looks like from inside, which I can't help you with. Germans are brought up with a tint of shame about this subject and have done incredibly well to have moved on as a society, they take it very personal when someone starts making jokes in their own backyard. 

You can be fined for jay-walking. Yes you read that correctly. If the police catch you crossing the lights when they are red, the are perfectly entitled to give you an on-the-spot fine. I think it's like 10 euros or something, so just be aware that it's a thing. I've seen people wait in the dead of night when there was no traffic around for the green man (Ampelman!) which looks and is hilarious, but it's 100% a thing. 

For help with translation, use the DeepL app https://www.deepl.com/translator  Disclaimer- I actually work for DeepL but it's vastly superior to Google and I'm not ashamed to tell people about it. There's an absolute shit-load of effort that goes into making it accurate and the English-German translation is second to none. 

Shops are closed on Sundays. Only restaurants, bars, cafes, kiosks and bakeries for the most part are open on Sundays. That goes for all of Germany. Public transport is fine though and many shops at the main station will be open if you do want something. So your local supermarkets, like Rewe or Lidl will be closed on Sunday. The only exception is the Rewe at the airport which I think is open 24h.  

You can pay with card in more places than you could 5 years ago, but there is still a culture of cash in Germany. So be on the safe side and carry a little on you just incase. There are many places that still don't take card, although it's getting much better now. You should be able to pay with card in the stadium for food and drink.

2. Bars and Booze

Let's just get into the good stuff. Right, as most people know, Cologne is famous for it's Kölsch beers and for good reason. Many of them are tremendous, and I could write a whole topic dedicated to them but I'm not much of a wordsmith and won't do them justice, so for quickness sake I'll recommend a handful and discourage a few. Before that, you should know that they serve them in small half pint-like glasses in pubs. Something to do with the the way it's brewed that it's not great when it goes flat. Tip- don't bother ordering a large, just go with it and keep ordering smaller ones but faster, they taste better. 

Great- Reissdorf, Gaffel, Gilden, Schrekenskamer, Sünner, Pfaffen. 

Average- Mühlen (very hoppy), Peters, Sester, Früh (not from bottle though- disgusting)

Awful- Hansa, Kuppers, Dom (do not try)

There are also many other fine Cologne beers such as Gaffel Wiess (lovely almost blonde tasting beer, highly recommend on hot days) and Nolte, another lovely helles beer. Avoid Zappes- it's a hipster brand and must be avoided at all costs. Tastes putrid. 

And if you haven't been living under a rock for your whole life, you'll  be aware that the whole of Germany is famous for it's beer. You probably can't go wrong with any Munchen or Augustiner helles you find anywhere, but like anywhere you might come across an utter stinker like Paderborner Pils. 

Cologne has many brauhauses to visit like any good German city. I haven't even come close to visiting them all yet, but be aware they'll be tied to a specific brewery so you if you want to try different ones you'll have to hop between them. You also get the best of traditional German food in these places too, more on that later. I haven't been to a bad brauhaus yet, but be aware that if you're in with a group they'll expect a tip if you're there and spending a lot.

*Also, if you want to stop drinking, you need to place your beermat ontop of your glass, or many places will simply pop another beer down for you*.

Some of my favourites are:

Brauhaus Pffaffen (you can ONLY get this Kölsch in their brauhauses), one in the old town and one near Friesenplatz: https://zum-pfaffen.koeln/

Brauhaus Walfisch (Sünner Kölsch) https://walfisch.de/

Brauhaus Schreckenskammer (a short walk from the main station) https://schreckenskammer.com/ 

In terms of pubs, there are far too many to mention. But if you want something other than Kölsch and you're in the old town, try Delirium (you can play the SNES!) https://www.deliriumcafe-koeln.de/ or the Craft Beer Corner Cologne https://craftbeercorner.eu/ which has fucking thousands of beers (or so it feels). There is also Lost Level https://lostlevel.bar/ where you can drink and play video games. The area around Zulpicher Strasse has tons of great places but it's a slightly younger crowd. 

The old town next to the river has tons of places, but if you're elsewhere in the city during a longer stay, feel free to DM me for specific areas. Friesenstrasse, Zulpicher Strasse Belgiun Quarter and Ehrenfeld are all districts with a lot of varied and lively nightlife. Where Düsseldorf only has one lively bar area, Cologne has at least half a dozen. 

TOP TIP- please don't restrict yourself to just boozing in the brauhaus. You can drink anywhere in the city except on buses and trams (there is around a 60 euro fine if you're caught- probably not on a matchday, we'll get to that later). If you want to really enjoy Cologne, I thoroughly recommend grabbing a beer from a kiosk and staying outside, go down to the river, or do what many of us do here and "hop" from kiosk to kiosk. It's literally a thing, there are books and tours on this specific activity in Cologne. There are hundreds and hundreds of kiosks everywhere and they are open 24 hours, there is no 10pm curfew for drinking and any good kiosk has a bottle opener at the door on the way out, or at the till. It's also the best way to try all the different beers you might want. Let me repeat that- 24 hour drinking anywhere you want. 

If you are drinking outside, please don't destroy your beer bottles. They have what's called "pfand" or in other words, people can get money back for them. Around 8-12cents. Many poor and homeless people go around collecting these and taking them to supermarkets to get cash back, so if you're finished with one, please just leave it sitting next to a bin and someone will take it eventually. 

If you want a good cocktail, try Papa Joes for a Zombie and they have live music every night https://www.papajoes.de/ or if you want something very fancy with the missus go to Woods https://www.woods-cologne.de/ or Samuel's Shep down near Zulpicher Strasse. 

3. Eating Out

As I've mentioned already, if you want to taste the best traditional German dishes, go to any Brauhaus. Schnitzels are 99.9% guaranteed amazing, I like the one with the mushroom and pepper sauce. 

Sadly, if you want a good old fry-up, the only place in town is Jamesons Irish bar on Friesenstrasse https://jamesondistillerypub.com/ but at least it's a good fry up and you'll get a pint without straying outside the city centre. 

For a really good steak, Collina's is the best but VERY pricey https://www.colinakoeln.de/

Want to go eat in the middle ages? Lord of the Grillz is the best bet BUT it's hard to get a reservation and it's not exactly central. Still, if you're in Cologne longer than a day or two this is worth the effort. Great food, you can drink proper mead and the bar girl might even just casually drop a fucking Morningstar on your table (no euph) https://lordofthegrillz.de/

BEST BURGER- Peter Pane https://peterpane.de/standorte/#!/l/koln/friesenplatz-2-8/3044562 or Hans Im Gluck is decent too. 

There's so many places to eat though. If you want recommendation for something specific like Italian, DM me. 

Word of warning- they charge you for water, they don't normally serve tap water in bars or restaurants and THEY WILL CHARGE YOU STUPID PRICES for it. Don't say I didn't want you. You can try ask nicely, some places will but most will look at you like you've murdered their only child. 

4. Things to do

If you're only staying a day or two over the Swiss game, probably just skip this bit. You may have heard the interview with our Mayor Henrietta Reker saying you should enjoy all the museums. Don't bother, especially the chocolate museum. Under no circumstances should you visit the chocolate museum. It's a complete and utter waste of time and that is coming from someone who eats a lot of chocolate. So here are a couple of more fun activities for those who have a little more time and need a break from the Brauhauses!

The best view of the city is from the Deutz Triangle http://www.koelntrianglepanorama.de/ it's only about 3 euros to go up and it has a 360 panorama. Actually, you're not allowed to drink up there, so add that to buses and trams on that previous list, but it gives a stunning view of the city and beyond. On a clear day, you can see Bonn and Dusseldorf, and the clear glass screen actually shows you what is in that direction you're facing. 

Of course, Cologne is famous for it's cathedral known here as The Dom. You can go up to the top of this but the view is honestly not even close to the triangle and the stairs going up are narrow, shit and too busy. Instead, go inside for a moment of peace and cool air if it's roasting.

Cologne Zoo is pretty cool and easy to get with the 18 tram. 

If a group of you want to go do something fun, go here https://fun-and-sport.de/arena/ it's pool, darts and bowling but with footballs. And it has a bar. But it's reservation only now, so don't just turn up. Should be easy to reserve during the day though. 

Bars in Germany don't have pool tables, but should you want to scratch that itch, go to https://www.giga-center.de/ where you can of course drink and there are other stuff like darts too, and big screens showing sports. 

If you want to do a day trip from Cologne, feel free to visit Bonn. It's a beautiful city and worth a thread all on it's own to be honest. Dusseldorf not so much, it's a boring city with not much to do. If you're in a group and with a car, go to the Ahr valley. It's less than an hour from Cologne and is fucking stunning, and very famous for it's wine. Aachen is also lovely, with Maastricht not much further, or Koblenz to the south. 

Cologne has Europe's largest brothel building- La Pasha. There's a nightclub downstairs and the brothel is apparently a fiver to get in. No idea how much it is for your hole mind (honestly!). There is also another large brothel directly across from it, as well as smaller ones dotted around the city. It wouldn't be much of a city guide without mentioning this...

5. Transport/Matchday

After clearing my cookies and my underwear, let's talk about matchday. There is one tram line towards the Rheinenergie stadium. That's the number 1 line and if you're drinking centrally before the match, go to Heumarkt and take it from there. It's about 30 minutes from there to get to the ground. On matchdays, the city puts on loads more trams than normal but they get packed quickly. As it's not a "normal" matchday, I'm not sure how it'll be but you should be able to get on at Heumarkt fine. Just give yourself a little bit longer just incase there's a problem on the line. Coming back from the stadium to the city centre after, again there should be loads of trams. Infact, when you're walking out after I would even recommend walking a little to the left once you are at the tram stop and walk a short distance to the previous stop to get a decent seat. Remember what I said about no drinking on the trams? Well, normally on a matchday this never gets enforced because it's so busy. But just be aware that it is a thing. 

For those that are going on the "march to the ground" you want to take an S12 or S19 from the main station (Hauptbahnhof) to Mungerdorf Technologiepark. It takes less than 10 minutes and is only 3 stops. It's the last platform, I think 11. If you go over the river, you're a choob and taken it the wrong way from platform 10, so just get off at Deutz and take the next one from the adjacent platform. 

I don't recommend walking to the ground from the city centre at all. It's an absolute trek and although it could be a bit of a kiosk hop, it's still a fucking trek. Probably 1h 30 or longer. 

Near the stadium there are some chain restaurants and bars but not a great selection and they might be packed pre-match. However, UEFA have been talking about putting stuff on for the fans on matchdays and I would expect some cool stuff to happen outside the ground itself. There's a large green area and there'll hopefully be loads of food and drink stalls put up on gameday. Might even be room for a kick-about. 

Fan zones are Heumarkt and Tanzbrunnen for Cologne. So central, and just across the river. Hopefully going to Tanzbrunnen for the opening game so I can tell you more about that after the Germany game if it's worth it or not. Heumarkt FZ sounds like it'll be absolutely rammed constantly due to it's location. 

If you need a taxi, I would recommend using Uber or Bolt instead. They're far cheaper and you don't need to worry about cash. I've had some poor experiences with taxi drivers here especially when they think you're not from there. Uber is definitely the best option. 

If you're coming from the airport, there are trains direct to the main station, you'll see the signs clearly marked when you're at the airport station. You can also get an Uber from the airport too, just need to be clear where exactly you are to be picked up. 

Public transport is good around the city, but when delays happen they happen big time. Same goes for the train network around Germany, whatever your perception of German efficiency, you'll soon find out it's a complete and utter myth. Possibly their best export. Give yourself time if you have connections while travelling, this is not Switzerland. 

I have a ton of other things, but hopefully this is enough to help people out a wee bit in this wonderful city. If you need any recommendations or advice, feel free to DM and I am happy to help out. 

 

Fantastic! Good job Sir sehr gut, I'm not even going to be there but I love Köln, picked up a couple of bottles of Sester for tonight.

[Stellaboz]

8 minutes ago, stevieKTID said:

Fantastic! Good job Sir sehr gut, I'm not even going to be there but I love Köln, picked up a couple of bottles of Sester for tonight.

Where on earth did you find Sester?

[MazzyStar]

Anyone that’s in Cologne should go a few hours to Trier and visit the house of the great man himself 

https://www.trier-info.de/en/museums/karl-marx-house

 

[stevieKTID]

15 minutes ago, Stellaboz said:

Where on earth did you find Sester?

There's a beer store in my neighbourhood that has a wide selection of German beer ( which imo is the best in the world) also picked up some tegernseer helles and Schneider Weiss, auf gehts.