Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...

[Sweet Pete]

I missed a great chance there to say "I'm not your fucking mate". That's exactly the kind of thing I'd usually do. I must be slipping. Need to up my game to promote the brand.

[Bert Raccoon]

12 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

How much are they.

A nicker.

[Sweet Pete]

Well it would considering its my only attempt at university thus far.

I did fail my first attempt at a driving test although I learned to drive at 17 like a normal person.

Yeah it was a play on words, "getting a first" / "that's a first". Absolutely raging at myself for that. It's like a Michael McIntyre joke, like I've been replaced with dad humour. Need to go and make some edgy jokes to compensate.

I didn't learn to drive when I was 17 because I was into birds and pubs, not cars. Cars are dull. As is driving. I've always preferred commuting, walking and drinking.

[Sweet Pete]

I have one, as does the wife. It's just that I find driving to be purely functionary and therefore boring.

[Sweet Pete]

f**k, I've missed it again! Must be off the boil today.

[Silvio Tattiescone]

15 minutes ago, throbber said:

 

Well it would considering its my only attempt at university thus far.

I did fail my first attempt at a driving test although I learned to drive at 17 like a normal person.

 

 

Wait, what? You failed your driving test? How the f**k can anyone fail a driving test? How can you live knowing you've failed at one of life's most simple hurdles?

[Sweet Pete]

I changed instructors recently. The first c**t refused to write my name the proper way in his appointment book as he said my way is "the Catholic way", wouldn't take lessons certain evenings as they clashed with his lodge meetings, called another driver a "nigger" during one of my lessons and shouted and swore at his ten year old granddaughter over the hands free while I was driving. He also spent most of his time talking about his junkie daughter, the army, Rangers or how Gary Glitter gets a hard time of it, rather than actually teaching me anything about driving.

[Swarley]

I changed instructors recently. The first c**t refused to write my name the proper way in his appointment book as he said my way is "the Catholic way", wouldn't take lessons certain evenings as they clashed with his lodge meetings, called another driver a "nigger" during one of my lessons and shouted and swore at his ten year old granddaughter over the hands free while I was driving. He also spent most of his time talking about his junkie daughter, the army, Rangers or how Gary Glitter gets a hard time of it, rather than actually teaching me anything about driving.

I thought Jim Traynor was doing PR at Ibrox these days?

[Sweet Pete]

c**t's name is Jim funnily enough.

[Fullerene]

6 minutes ago, Sweet Pete said:

I changed instructors recently. The first c**t refused to write my name the proper way in his appointment book as he said my way is "the Catholic way", wouldn't take lessons certain evenings as they clashed with his lodge meetings, called another driver a "nigger" during one of my lessons and shouted and swore at his ten year old granddaughter over the hands free while I was driving. He also spent most of his time talking about his junkie daughter, the army, Rangers or how Gary Glitter gets a hard time of it, rather than actually teaching me anything about driving.

In all fairness, maybe he was trying to teach you about road rage.

"Keep your hands on the wheel and concentrate while I think of everything I can to annoy you."

[Sweet Pete]

I'm not known for being a patient sort, so it was astounding to me that after that lesson I didn't hit him. I think it was only shock that prevented me. And during the lesson I was driving so didn't fancy crashing for the sake of punching a fat, racist, bigot.

[Sweet Pete]

I left an open goal for you mate. The sweet Pete of two years ago would never have missed this.

I'm not your fucking mate

[Sweet Pete]

I'd paid for a block of lessons before the first one as well, so had the choice of listening to his bile for a few lessons then moving on or saying goodbye to my dolla dolla. A genuine fruitcake. I said to him straight away "I bet you're from Drumchapel" and I was spot on. They're all like that in the Drum.

[Sergeant Wilson]

3 minutes ago, throbber said:

Bigoted Rangers men? I don't think I have ever met anyone who has spouted proudly about going to lodge meetings or disliking Catholics.

Move to Airdrie.

[Sweet Pete]

Yeah, there's a whole culture of that in Drumchapel. There was a Catholic church there and it was like Rhourke's Drift. The priest had to get private security and survival training from ex-military. They taught him how to always carry coins in his pocket to chuck at attackers. He told me all about it when he was drunk once. His primary aged niece was in the church house garden one day when a grown man climbed the wall and started calling her a "****** bitch". It's like Larkhall but in Glasgow.

[Sweet Pete]

Move to Airdrie.

#1977 #B #GSTQ

[Sweet Pete]

Move to Airdrie.

In fairness, is he not from the East Coast? Aside from a few pockets in Lothian it's much more of a West Central phenomenon than elsewhere that kind of behaviour. I have seen sectarian bigotry in North and South Scotland, but never to the same extent.

[Bert Raccoon]

10 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

Move to Airdrie.

Worst. Advice. Ever.

[Sergeant Wilson]

4 minutes ago, Bert Raccoon said:

Worst. Advice. Ever.

We're working on some plans to increase tourism in the Buckfast Triangle.

 

Eta: Come to Airdrie. You'll feel better about yourself!

What do you think?

Edited April 8, 2017 by Sergeant Wilson

[Sweet Pete]

We're working on some plans to increase tourism in the Buckfast Triangle.
 
Eta: Come to Airdrie. You'll feel better about yourself!
What do you think?

I did a crude MSPaint picture on Facebook a while back that had the Welcome to Clydebank sign and I'd added "at least it's not Drumchapel". Everyone agreed that it was very droll and much mirth was made.