theentomologist Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Annoying wee smarmy gits who smile all the time and laugh on quiz shows wear stupid shirts and or cardigans and react like they have climbed Everest by getting a actually quite easy questions right to win only £5K. why don't you do a wee dance with it eh? might as well only slightly harder than the weakest link as well 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saints1884 Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Banks fucking about with charges. I've called them fuckwits three times these past three months to change my direct debit to the day after I get paid. They said they'd refund one of the charges then I can't claim anything back for a year. Maybe calling them fuckwits didn't help you. *Get's coat* 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xbl Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 That was horrible! I was in the bog (in work) having a shite in peace and tranquility, when I heard the main door open and a womans voice shouting something. Now I assumed (apparently correctly) that it was the cleaner, and so, fighting british awkwardness, I made a non committal noise to signify my presence. Unfortunately, fear evidently clammed up my throat, for instead of a clear and polite "haud on", this "auuhu" noise whispered out, sort of like a socially inadequate telytubby. And she didn't hear it! Because I then heard walking about, rustling, the sound of a box of cleaning equipment being put down, she moved to one of the end cubicles, opened the door, and flushed it...then moved to the next one along, flushed that one, getting ever closer to my one at the end. I was trapped! Couldn't say anything, because she never heard me the first time, and I missed the polite window of opportunity, and one of the cleaners might have recognised my voice too. I didn't want the door to be tried, and I didn't want to have to walk out while she was there...awkward! So I did the only thing I could think of. I flushed. Dead silence fell. Neither of us moved from our respective positions for a few seconds. I waited like a trapped animal. And then she ever so quietly sneaked her way out, and closed the main door softly behind her. I gave her a few seconds to disperse, then left my cubicle, washed my hands, opened the main door..saw no cleaner, but big piles of equipment. So I did the only manly thing I ran like buggery. Across the corridor, down a couple flights of stairs, back along a few more, up some stairs, and then approached my office from a completely different direction, giving no clue to the fact that I had recently been in a bog near my office. It was horrible, such a moment of FEAR! Still, on the positive side, an even more awkward encounter was averted, so it wasn't all bad news! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breaking Decency Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 That was horrible! I was in the bog (in work) having a shite in peace and tranquility, when I heard the main door open and a womans voice shouting something. Now I assumed (apparently correctly) that it was the cleaner, and so, fighting british awkwardness, I made a non committal noise to signify my presence. Unfortunately, fear evidently clammed up my throat, for instead of a clear and polite "haud on", this "auuhu" noise whispered out, sort of like a socially inadequate telytubby. And she didn't hear it! Because I then heard walking about, rustling, the sound of a box of cleaning equipment being put down, she moved to one of the end cubicles, opened the door, and flushed it...then moved to the next one along, flushed that one, getting ever closer to my one at the end. I was trapped! Couldn't say anything, because she never heard me the first time, and I missed the polite window of opportunity, and one of the cleaners might have recognised my voice too. I didn't want the door to be tried, and I didn't want to have to walk out while she was there...awkward! So I did the only thing I could think of. I flushed. Dead silence fell. Neither of us moved from our respective positions for a few seconds. I waited like a trapped animal. And then she ever so quietly sneaked her way out, and closed the main door softly behind her. I gave her a few seconds to disperse, then left my cubicle, washed my hands, opened the main door..saw no cleaner, but big piles of equipment. So I did the only manly thing I ran like buggery. Across the corridor, down a couple flights of stairs, back along a few more, up some stairs, and then approached my office from a completely different direction, giving no clue to the fact that I had recently been in a bog near my office. It was horrible, such a moment of FEAR! Still, on the positive side, an even more awkward encounter was averted, so it wasn't all bad news! Shitting Stories thread please. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Phoenix Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 (edited) Shitting Stories thread please. More accurately "Shitting Himself Stories" Thread. If he'd been a real man he'd have exited the cubicle with his kegs at his ankles holding an empty bog roll tube and demanding a replacement. Anyway my PTTGOYN - Dundee! The Shore Road is closed coming into the City and I had to come up the Kingsway and down Lochee Road to get into the centre. With all due respect to Locheeians, it's no bonny. Staying at the Hilton ce soir - there'll be another PTTGOYN if they don't have Sky Sports. Edited March 16, 2009 by The Phoenix 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xbl Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 If he'd been a real man he'd have exited the cubicle with his kegs at his ankles holding an empty bog roll tube and demanding a replacement. I am not a real man though, I am a passive aggressive man (apparently). Plus I live in a fantasy world so I did (very briefly) contemplate pulling the trousies up, quietly unlocking the door, standing on the bog seat, and then clambering over the cubicle wall when the door started to open. I quickly dismissed this though, as my life is not an action movie. Its a farce. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Phoenix Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 I am not a real man though, I am a passive aggressive man (apparently). Plus I live in a fantasy world so I did (very briefly) contemplate pulling the trousies up, quietly unlocking the door, standing on the bog seat, and then clambering over the cubicle wall when the door started to open.I quickly dismissed this though, as my life is not an action movie. Its a farce. On a brighter note I was in Lidl in Stirling for the first time. The brighter note is somewhat nullified by the smell in the building - took me a while to work out it is actually a trademark of the customers. There were 4 customers ahead of me in the queue - I kid you not 3 of them had a loaf of plain bread, a bottle of wine and precious little else. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xbl Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 There were 4 customers ahead of me in the queue - I kid you not 3 of them had a loaf of plain bread, a bottle of wine and precious little else. The fools! If they had waited until later in the day, Lidl often give bread away free. I only shop on a day by day basis in there, and I imagine most locals are the same. Its not like Tesco where you buy your weekly shop. We Lidlers buy one days worth of food, and then head back the next day for more! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudge Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 In an airport toilet in America I facing to the urinal (one of the walls with trough type) and a woman came into the toilet with her son. The wee boy stood next to me to piss and his mum stood directly behind him, no more than a foot away from me! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gall09 Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Danielle out of Eastenders. As soon as i see her, i become bored. Thank God she's being written out. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShakehandsTom - DFC Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 The West Ham vs West Brom game is possibly one of the most dire games I have ever seen. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Dufresne Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 The West Ham vs West Brom game is possibly one of the most dire games I have ever seen. Didn't you watch the OF game yesterday But yes it is a rather poor game. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShakehandsTom - DFC Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Didn't you watch the OF game yesterday But yes it is a rather poor game. I did watch the game yesterday, and granted it was poor, but I think this has been worse. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Dufresne Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 I did watch the game yesterday, and granted it was poor, but I think this has been worse. I was that bored with the OF game yesterday i went and put a blind up in the bathroom and i hate diy 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraser_smfc Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 (edited) Danielle out of Eastenders. As soon as i see her, i become bored. Funny that, because as soon as many see her, they become hard. Edited March 16, 2009 by fraser_smfc 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Hahn Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 The West Ham vs West Brom game is possibly one of the most dire games I have ever seen. All those sort of games are. I usually turn over to Dave when they are on. Speaking of Dave, is it just me or is that "Dave Original" Argumental one of the worst thing to ever grace television? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Danielle out of Eastenders. As soon as i see her, i become bored. Thank God she's being written out. She appears to look permanetly frightened. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hank Scorpio Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 SiiLLii W33 LASSii3S HU PiiT THUR NiiM LiiKE DiiS ON 3M 3SS 3NNN!! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael W Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 SiiLLii W33 LASSii3S HU PiiT THUR NiiM LiiKE DiiS ON 3M 3SS 3NNN!! YoO SHuD LiiEk PYoOR BLocK D3m!!111 Luckilly, I'm passed the age where I have to put up with this. Sadly, people still seem to like signing in and out 400 times. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonofjenova Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 SiiLLii W33 LASSii3S HU PiiT THUR NiiM LiiKE DiiS ON 3M 3SS 3NNN!! Just delete them then, and fire into more mature specimens. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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