Gaz FFC Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I'm like the Kevin Bridges sketch when it comes to new borns. Absolutely useless at all that chat. I take about £1.50 to work with me so if anyone is having a collection, I'm gonnae be in the tight category. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capybara Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 People that choose to do their food shopping at petrol stations........some of us have fcuking work to get to! Go to the supermarket FFS! Rant over. I did this yesterday. And I said as much to my mum. Sorry. Hope you were not at the BP at the swallow roundabout Dundee. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 This 1 both baffles and annoys me. Why do people take a lot of money to work? I work wi a guy who dropped his wallet on the way to work a few years back and lost £100. Why on earth would you need that kind of cash at work? When you leave the house in the morning, why would you need any more than a few quid for lunch? What are people doing at work that i'm not involved in or done in 17 years of working? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raidernation Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Drugs and prostitutes for lunch? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 As an extension to the "baby collection" moan, as someone who isn't likely in the next thirty years to get married, have weans, leave or die, I'm pretty much never going to get a card or a payout. Contrast this to the guy who has got married and fired out 3 weans in the last few years. He's coining it in. I'm basically paying folk to have unprotected sex (I'm sure I've moaned about this before, but it's still a sore point). 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mizfit Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 This 1 both baffles and annoys me. Why do people take a lot of money to work? I work wi a guy who dropped his wallet on the way to work a few years back and lost £100. Why on earth would you need that kind of cash at work? When you leave the house in the morning, why would you need any more than a few quid for lunch? What are people doing at work that i'm not involved in or done in 17 years of working? I don't even take money, if I can't be bothered making lunch then it is an exception and it's usually only a fiver to buy my lunch 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Drugs and prostitutes for lunch? Must be 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Cuddy Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 As an extension to the "baby collection" moan, as someone who isn't likely in the next thirty years to get married, have weans, leave or die, I'm pretty much never going to get a card or a payout. Contrast this to the guy who has got married and fired out 3 weans in the last few years. He's coining it in. I'm basically paying folk to have unprotected sex (I'm sure I've moaned about this before, but it's still a sore point). Make up a new girlfriend. In about a year, you can start mentioning that you're thinking of proposing. A couple of weeks after, say you've popped the question and she's said yes. There's your first collection right there. A year after that you can elope, "get married" in secret. Tell your workmates that not even your family were invited. Buy a cheap wedding band to wear to work. I'm sure you can find one in a pawn shop or a H Samuel easily enough. Then start bringing in photos once every couple of years of new babies. The best bit about this is that you can make up and use names that you'd never even dream of using in real life because your children don't exist. You can never, ever socialise with your workmates after that of course but who really wants to anyway? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrcat1990 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 (edited) At my work they send round a departmental email with a picture of the newborn. I delete them without even opening themThen to make matters worse they send a thank you card and write it as if it's the babies writing the card ie "thanks guys for my lovely baby gear. Love (insert babies name)". Worst c***s. Edited June 10, 2014 by mrcat1990 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Make up a new girlfriend. In about a year, you can start mentioning that you're thinking of proposing. A couple of weeks after, say you've popped the question and she's said yes. There's your first collection right there. A year after that you can elope, "get married" in secret. Tell your workmates that not even your family were invited. Buy a cheap wedding band to wear to work. I'm sure you can find one in a pawn shop or a H Samuel easily enough. Then start bringing in photos once every couple of years of new babies. The best bit about this is that you can make up and use names that you'd never even dream of using in real life because your children don't exist. You can never, ever socialise with your workmates after that of course but who really wants to anyway? A top hole idea Mrs M, but with one major flaw. I've been here so long that I'm friends with most of them on FB and enjoy socialising with them. Added to that, I think it's pretty much the done thing to parade your baby in front of the cooing masses if they've been kind enough to chip in for its upbringing. And then there's the added toil of standing outside Mothercare trying to hawk the useless gift card I've been donated. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Cuddy Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 No, men don't bring new babies into the office! Men just bring in a photo on their first day back after paternity leave and spend the next 5 years looking shattered and falling asleep at their desk. What kind of oddball men do you work with? -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~~~ Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I do love the light nights, but it's a pain in the arse when trying to get an early night. Cannot sleep 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florentine_Pogen Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 'Retirement collections' are a common thing at my workplace. I never contribute. Feckin' ridiculous. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 No, men don't bring new babies into the office! Men just bring in a photo on their first day back after paternity leave and spend the next 5 years looking shattered and falling asleep at their desk. What kind of oddball men do you work with? It's a web of lies I'm not sure I can negotiate my way out of. It's pretty much a given that if you've taken two weeks off your work that you have to pedestal your baby to show that you weren't just "at it". Cue wheeling in your non-compliant / still-ailing loved one to justify your vouchers. The chicanery involved with keeping up the ongoing pretence might be a task best suited to someone better than me, but in the meantime, I'll just moan (and donate) from the sidelines. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Cuddy Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Ok, you're clearly too honest for that. Are you above making up family members abs having them bumped off in all manner of unusual ways, such as diseases so rare they have no name but need lots of research and awareness campaigns to make sure no one else has to suffer the way your family have? I'm just thinking of you, mate. It's not right that you should miss out on your fair share of the collection pot. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Cuddy Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Petty thing that gets on my nerves: my phone thinks I mean "abs" every time I swipe in "and". How often am I likely to need to use "abs" in a text? Why would it choose that over "and". Ducking piece of sit. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Petty thing that gets on my nerves: my phone thinks I mean "abs" every time I swipe in "and". How often am I likely to need to use "abs" in a text? Why would it choose that over "and". Ducking piece of sit. Andsolutely. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
die hard doonhamer Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 No, men don't bring new babies into the office! Men just bring in a photo on their first day back after paternity leave and spend the next 5 years looking shattered and falling asleep at their desk. What kind of oddball men do you work with? This. I got moaned at by my team (majority are women) at work for not bringing my daughter in just after she was born. The are 2 reasons, 1) I don't particularly like any of them and 2) there is no way I am going on to work when I have time off. f**k that. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 This. I got moaned at by my team (majority are women) at work for not bringing my daughter in just after she was born. The are 2 reasons, 1) I don't particularly like any of them and 2) there is no way I am going on to work when I have time off. f**k that.You don't like any of your daughters? Ooft wait until Mrs DHD reads this! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Fuckwits who put their hands out to signal the bus to stop at y he very last second forcing the driver to perform an emergency stop. Then not even thanking the driver for stopping. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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