Sweaty Morph Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Old people and lifts. Take so long to get in that the lift shuts and we've missed it. Too scared to put their hand between the doors because they don't want their hand crushed apparently. Old people and cups of tea. One as soon as they wake up, another an hour later with breakfast, one at lunch, one at 3pm, another about 7pm and a final one for the road before bed. No wonder incontinence is common in the elderly Old people and washing up. Nothing is cleaned properly then instead of putting everything away is all stacked on the kitchen counter with the "I don't know where it goes" excuse. Yeah that was mildly amusing when you first arrived but you've been here for 6 weeks Old people and computers. They are too complex for you so so using them and go back to reading your newspapers and books Old People and the "I was about to do that" excuse "Oh you've done the washing up, I was about to do that", that'll be the pile of stuff that's been sitting next to the sink since last night then? "Oh you've emptied the washing machine and hung out the clothes on the line, I was about to do that", that'll be the clothes that are now actually dry because they've been sitting in the machine all day. f**k. Off. Shipman was definitely on to something. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P45 Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Smokers. What an absolutely rancid thing to do. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wulliemc Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 A guy in my office has a blue mohican and tatts and must have had them at interview. He is in a customer service role so just proves visual presentation is not everything. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Shipman was definitely on to something. Your nan's will, mainly. A guy in my office has a blue mohican and tatts and must have had them at interview. He is in a customer service role so just proves visual presentation is not everything. A well-presented CV helps. "Hobbies: reading, sports, humiliating secret blowjobs, and going to the movies." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Have they started being racist yet? Old people are always racist. No, they aren't Chelsea fans as far as I'm aware. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hampden Diehard Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 At the supermarket checkout with a queue like an execution behind you and the checkout assistant says "£75.50 please" to the woman who has just bought enough stuff to fill a humungous trolley. Customer has this startled look on her face that says, "Do I have to pay??", and then starts to rummage through her bags to find her purse. Contents of the bag go everywhere, and then have to get put back in a certain order before the next customer can get served. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 An ex of mine that I'm Facebook friends with posts a constant stream of those "inspirational quotes". Highly irritating. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 At the supermarket checkout with a queue like an execution behind you and the checkout assistant says "£75.50 please" to the woman who has just bought enough stuff to fill a humungous trolley. Customer has this startled look on her face that says, "Do I have to pay??", and then starts to rummage through her bags to find her purse. Contents of the bag go everywhere, and then have to get put back in a certain order before the next customer can get served. Shocking cutbacks in the Royal household these days. Get in touch with the Daily Mail; they'll slip you a few bob for an exclusive. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hampden Diehard Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Travelling on Glasgow buses. Filthy (due to the utter tossers who travel on them, it has to be said) with bloody Metros three deep under yer feet; there's always a can or bottle rolling about the floor; crisp pokes and chip wrappers everywhere; the stink from some b*****d's shite-smelling carry out; having to listen to at least one person's music; old people (who may or may not be racists) changing seats throughout the journey; fat folk taking up two seats; people who put their bags ion the seats and you have to ask them to move them; people who put their feet up on the seats; emergency stops; the speed of the bus is inversely proportional to the amount of hurry that you're in; and since racism is in the news today and I might get away with this, there's always an Asian guy barking into his mobile. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Old people are always racist. ^^^ ageist 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 An ex of mine that I'm Facebook friends with posts a constant stream of those "inspirational quotes". Highly irritating. Reads like they work; you must be inspired by the fact that she's an ex and not a current. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Travelling on Glasgow buses. Filthy (due to the utter tossers who travel on them, it has to be said) with bloody Metros three deep under yer feet; there's always a can or bottle rolling about the floor; crisp pokes and chip wrappers everywhere; the stink from some b*****d's shite-smelling carry out; having to listen to at least one person's music; old people (who may or may not be racists) changing seats throughout the journey; fat folk taking up two seats; people who put their bags ion the seats and you have to ask them to move them; people who put their feet up on the seats; emergency stops; the speed of the bus is inversely proportional to the amount of hurry that you're in; and since racism is in the news today and I might get away with this, there's always an Asian guy barking into his mobile. Surprised they don't hose them down after the journey's finished. Also, sounds like the buses could use a clean. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 "hidden tracks" on the end of albums. This was a novelty in the early 90s when CD's were still new and the technology was being explored. It is no longer a novelty. Just put all the tracks on the album as normal and stop wasting my time. Also, skits on albums. How did you get through all the months of recording, mixing, mastering and preparation before releasing the record and still think these were funny? Hip hop is particularly bad for this. Give it a rest. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 "hidden tracks" on the end of albums. This was a novelty in the early 90s when CD's were still new and the technology was being explored. It is no longer a novelty. Just put all the tracks on the album as normal and stop wasting my time. I was listening to 1977 by Ash (has to be up there with the great debut albums) in my bedroom when I was younger and fell asleep after it had finished. I was rudely awakened about 20 minutes later to the sound of Tim Wheeler throwing up. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Tracks hidden in the gap between songs that you have to rewind the disc to get to, that can f**k off as well. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zidane's child Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Travelling on Glasgow buses. Filthy (due to the utter tossers who travel on them, it has to be said) with bloody Metros three deep under yer feet; there's always a can or bottle rolling about the floor; crisp pokes and chip wrappers everywhere; the stink from some b*****d's shite-smelling carry out; having to listen to at least one person's music; old people (who may or may not be racists) changing seats throughout the journey; fat folk taking up two seats; people who put their bags ion the seats and you have to ask them to move them; people who put their feet up on the seats; emergency stops; the speed of the bus is inversely proportional to the amount of hurry that you're in; and since racism is in the news today and I might get away with this, there's always an Asian guy barking into his mobile. Fantastic analysis 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Go home. Racist! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ranaldo Bairn Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 The second Stone Roses album was the ultimate shiter for this. I think there were about 99 blank tracks of a few seconds each, followed by a "hilarious" pissing-about-on-a-piano number. STFU AND GTFO. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 The second Stone Roses album was the ultimate shiter for this. I think there were about 99 blank tracks of a few seconds each, followed by a "hilarious" pissing-about-on-a-piano number. STFU AND GTFO. The utter rage that induced in me the first time I stuck that CD on in the car, forgetting about all the extra tracks was a thing of horrific beauty. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) Vinyl was much better for the hidden track stuff. See the double grooves on Monty Python's Matching Tie & Handkerchief, or Mr Bungle's Disco Volante. (both cracking albums BTW) Edit: as I recall, early CD players were only built to read somewhere in the region of 30 tracks. When Napalm Death released their first two albums on one CD, it had 54 tracks and would apparently break certain models of player Edited February 19, 2015 by BigFatTabbyDave 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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