Philomena McCann Posted September 10, 2007 Author Share Posted September 10, 2007 Calpol, suffocating or selling it on???? Ah've nae idea whit yer talkin aboot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Latino Lover Posted September 10, 2007 Share Posted September 10, 2007 Mrs McCann, does that picture make a wobbleboard noise when tweaked correctly? Perhaps you could give Don't you forget about me a Rolf Harris vibe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philomena McCann Posted September 10, 2007 Author Share Posted September 10, 2007 Phil, what do you make of the latest revelation from the Portugese Police? Do you think they planted this latest bit of evidence?You fat hoor x Ye want to ken whit ah think aboot them bammers? Ah ken ah've been telt no to say onything aboot the polis but they're aw a bunch ae w**ks. They're toatally tryin to stitch up oor Gerry. Gerry wanted tae hire a car to get rid ae some carpets or somethin just afore he went tae Rome, and the polis were aw like "si senor, take this car". Toatal stitch up. But ah'm no sayin any more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philomena McCann Posted September 10, 2007 Author Share Posted September 10, 2007 Dear Aunty Philomena,I have a relative using a heinous situation to get the attention she has craved which she usually satiates with frequent trips to the local patisserie. It would normally not bother me but it would appear her sticking her fat oar in the mix has resulted in the police taking the hump. What should I do? Goan get me a steak bake fi Greggs, Gerry-son. Cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ron Burgundy Posted September 10, 2007 Share Posted September 10, 2007 Goan get me a steak bake fi Greggs, Gerry-son. Cheers. it's 99p for three sausage rolls the now...mair pastry for your pound Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philomena McCann Posted September 10, 2007 Author Share Posted September 10, 2007 Mrs McCann, does that picture make a wobbleboard noise when tweaked correctly? Perhaps you could give Don't you forget about me a Rolf Harris vibe. Ah actually got them tae make those oot ae edible rice paper in case ah wis hungry. Got through 21 in the first 3 weeks! It's actually a life-size pitchur ae wee Maddie. But the dirty basturtin greasy Portugese polis telt us no tae mention that. It's aw a stitch up. They just want us tae shut up but ah'll tell ye, Philomena McCann doesnae stand back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xbl Posted September 10, 2007 Share Posted September 10, 2007 Signed, Maddie.(Going to hell for that one too, my bad.) Brilliance! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ALF HUCKER Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 ALF has a question for Ms McCann... When ALF is out looking for fresh meat to pummel at the weekends he likes to hasten the courting process by treating his paramour to a special cocktail, or a "Roofy Colada" as it has become known. However, occasionally ALF has to settle for the scourge of society, single mothers, to use as a sperm receptacle therefore my question is this..... should ALF use some of his little white love pills to quiet his victims brats (they put him off his stroke) before nailing Mummy and if so, how much is it safe to use? ALF thanks you in advance Philomena. B) ps Before you ask, ALF is not interested in the larger lady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwififer Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 I shouldn't laugh, but this is the best thread on here. Ever. I'll get the first round in when we all go to hell! I have found some blood stains in a car I've just rented. I've tried fabreeze and vanish, but the stain's not going away. Any tips? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ron Burgundy Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 Dear Auntie lardarse, it's been three days since I last saw you on LK Today with the waif like skinny burd Lorrainne Kelly and This Morning with twiggy like Fern Britton have failed to give you airtime in two days as well. Given you have nothing else to do other than rewrite the rules of forensics and canine communication I was considering approaching STV with an idea for a show starring both of you. CS Aye ...Glesgae .... the premise is that you go aboot and stick your nose into police investigations, a little like the fat one in Rosemary & Time you know the one that pumped david jason in the darling buds, when your input is neither wanted nor of any use. You can stand about behind folk with microscopes shouting "shite...I know these folk and there is no way thats their blood...I go tae fucking bingo wie her sister! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whistle Blower Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 Auntie Phil Do you have room in your hectic schedule to look into the colapsed 'Worlds End' murder trial ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H_B Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 Do you have room in your hectic schedule to look into the colapsed 'Worlds End' murder trial ? Of course she does - why do you think it collapsed? To think the scientific community have been united on the DNA subject for years, and it took a fat, unemployed heiffer from Ullapool to end the whole charade. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pub car king Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 alf hucker i thought you had retired. anyway auntie phil what is the best way to get out of an international extradition order Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whistle Blower Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 Of course she does - why do you think it collapsed?To think the scientific community have been united on the DNA subject for years, and it took a fat, unemployed heiffer from Ullapool to end the whole charade. I thought she was a school teacher Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philomena McCann Posted September 11, 2007 Author Share Posted September 11, 2007 Auntie PhilDo you have room in your hectic schedule to look into the colapsed 'Worlds End' murder trial ? Nae bother. Ah've awready explained aboot the baws peepil say aboot DNA. Proves nuthin. However, this case was apparently aw aboot a spunk stain. It's a little known fact that when ye look at spunk under a microscope it looks exactly like loadsa fancy food (Portugese sausages, an aw that). So, it proves nuthin. It coulda just been a portugese butcher. Dirty basturt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwififer Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 Is she busy today? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philomena McCann Posted September 11, 2007 Author Share Posted September 11, 2007 ALF has a question for Ms McCann...When ALF is out looking for fresh meat to pummel at the weekends he likes to hasten the courting process by treating his paramour to a special cocktail, or a "Roofy Colada" as it has become known. However, occasionally ALF has to settle for the scourge of society, single mothers, to use as a sperm receptacle therefore my question is this..... should ALF use some of his little white love pills to quiet his victims brats (they put him off his stroke) before nailing Mummy and if so, how much is it safe to use? ALF thanks you in advance Philomena. B) ps Before you ask, ALF is not interested in the larger lady Again, ah've had tae ask oor Gerry aboot this wan. He says sedatives again. But he did mention somethin aboot askin if yer intae doggin' or swingin? Whitever that is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ron Burgundy Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 I thought she was a school teacher I may have proliferated the notion she was unemployed without any evidence whatsoever, but whats good for the goose and all that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philomena McCann Posted September 11, 2007 Author Share Posted September 11, 2007 I shouldn't laugh, but this is the best thread on here. Ever.I'll get the first round in when we all go to hell! I have found some blood stains in a car I've just rented. I've tried fabreeze and vanish, but the stain's not going away. Any tips? Right son, whit ye need tae do is nip oot tae Homebase. Buy some Dulux 'Bloodstain Red' paint. Then just chuck it aw ower the inside of yer motor. That way the dirty basturtin polis'll no be able tae find any blood stains. There's nuthin they can dae aboot it and it'll stoap them tryin tae set ye up. And sniffer dugs hate the smell ae paint an aw. Auntie Phil 2 - 0 Dirty Basturtin Sniffer Dugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philomena McCann Posted September 11, 2007 Author Share Posted September 11, 2007 alf hucker i thought you had retired. anyway auntie phil what is the best way to get out of an international extradition order Make sure ye can get wan ae yer family or friends tae vouch fur ye. Internashunul law means that nae matter whit sort ae shite the polis try tae stitch ye up fur, if ye can get someone tae say that ye once bought a BigIssue and gave cash to Comic Relief ye'll be awright. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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