Grumpy Old Pnb'rs

[Monkey]

Not sure if this is what you are getting at - but what really gets on my tits are.....

people who think that the bit of road directly outside their house is their private parking space. My neighbour has 2 car in the household - and he has a feckin great driveway big enough for 3 cars - but if I dare to park on the street opposite his house, he'll come out and give me a hard time. He thinks that he should be able to park one car in his drive and that the other should be parked at is front gate.

And god help us when we have a family event and all our relatives are round. The door bell goes every 15 minutes with " when are you moving all these cars out of our street?".

He's a cnut.

An easy solution to this problem is to superglue the door locks both front and back of aforementioned fanny of a neighbour, then complete the entertainment for the rest of your guests as you pour petrol through his letterbox and chuck in a firework to get the party started.

He'll not be complaining about cars after that.

[philpy]

Folk that hog seats on trains really annoy me. I Got the train from kirkcaldy to edinburgh the other week, and there was this posh old c**t and his wife sitting at one of the tables with 4 seats, they were sitting on the seats next to the aisle, facing each other, leaving the 2 seats at the window free. But did the coffin dodger ask if i wanted a seat? yes, but when the train stopped at haymarket!!! another gripe about trains is the amount of idiots that decide their luggage needs a seat of its own, do these cretins not know about the luggage racks and overhead storage compartments? also, when queuing for the lottery, the amount of OAPS that get about 10 lucky dips then ask for them to get put through seperately is unreal, time is maybe not on your side anymore you old buggers, but some of us have places to go, we dont all go shuffling from shop to shop holding up queues and moaning to the cashiers about how much dog food costs nowadays!

Aaaand relax.

[H_B]

Folk that hog seats on trains really annoy me. I Got the train from kirkcaldy to edinburgh the other week, and there was this posh old c**t and his wife sitting at one of the tables with 4 seats, they were sitting on the seats next to the aisle, facing each other, leaving the 2 seats at the window free. But did the coffin dodger ask if i wanted a seat?

I think you have to bear the brunt of this rant also.

You should have asked that they moved their stuff, or moved to the inside seat. If he did so with a sigh, or a shaken head, then that would have justified another ancillary moan about old people's manners.

[Monkey]

E-mails being sent out at work to inform the employees that the owner of car registration ******* has left his sun roof or window open, and could they please go to the car park and sort it out.

F**k off, call the fire brigade to fill the fucking car with water. The c**t won't forget to shut his sun roof after that lesson.

[ss..schlecht]

Lazy b*****ds that use disabled parking spaces when there is f**k all wrong with them. Park further up and walk the extra 30 feet you c**t!

[Mak]

Got another one...I'm probably slipping into self parody here, but the good news is that I probably did so long ago, in any case.

"Random" annoys me. People who decide that they're going on say something "random" to try and be funny. Totally off the cuff humour can be really funny, but not when someone's doing it on purpose because they think that it'll make them look funny. I can picture these daft c**ts sitting there thinking : "Hmmm, what could I say today that'll be funny? Oh, I know! Cheese toastie flavoured dustbins! HA HA HA, aren't I random!"

Not only is it not funny, witty or requiring of a thought process at all, it's also not even "random". Being "random" on purpose is really a bit of a contradiction in terms. As I said, off the cuff humour can be quite funny, but only if it's not fake and...well...actually funny

Also, people seem to have taken to saying things like : "Yeah, I just went and ate this random cheese roll, it was so random". What the f**k's random about that, you tit?

[dave258]

Lazy b*****ds that use disabled parking spaces when there is f**k all wrong with them. Park further up and walk the extra 30 feet you c**t!

Agree in principle with this, but I get quite pissed off with how many disabled spaces there are all over the place. Its fucking ridiculous, I mean in no way do I begrudge handicapped people parking spaces near the front of the shop or whatever, but Jesus Christ how many disabled people do the supermarkets and councils that install them think there are?!?!

[The Old Northerner]

but Jesus Christ how many disabled people do the supermarkets and councils that install them think there are?!?!

How many do you think there are? Who's likely to have more accurate information?

I'm 44

[saints1884]

I'm not going to argue with your numbers....instead I'll go back to my original point...people who take up smoking now despite all the warnings are idiots...do you agree ?

People that binge drink,people that drink,they need treatment on the NHS. Do you drink?

Monster is a big lad, there's a chance he might have been up for murder if he skelped her back.

This thread is absolute quality for that ^^^ exact reason.

Here are a few of my Meldrew moments.....

People who park in my parking space when picking their kids up from the school around the corner and therefore making me park quite a bit away from my house and stopping me from getting my usually sleeping little boy in the house nice and dry.

One arse took up 2 spaces quite intentionally the other day but I kept quiet as I was so annoyed at him if I got out the car it would have turned nasty.

I have a severe dislike for those people that tell you to smile or cheer up.

Maybe I want to walk around all day with my puss tripping me or perhaps I'm not smiling or cheery because I've had some bad news.

Next person that tells me to smile or cheer up is getting told to f**k off.

Finally, for now anyway, I absolutely cant stand to see anyone over the age of 25 flying about on a skateboard wearing those ridiculous skateboarder type clothes.

Get a job ya fucking bawbags and then you might be able to afford a car or a mountain bike.

People that park in your street,who aren't even from here and just here for the football.

How much is it to park at McD park?

Girls that have dark hair on the top and blonde under,girls that think they look good with orange faces......Don't their mates have the heart to tell them how stupid they look.

[H_B]

I mean in no way do I begrudge handicapped people parking spaces near the front of the shop or whatever, but Jesus Christ how many disabled people do the supermarkets and councils that install them think there are?!?!

And also, how often do you see people with the badges on their car walk out quite the thing and jog into the supermarket.

Are you only suppoed to get a badge if you have a physical disability that impairs your movement?

[East end bear]

I'll tell you what pisses me off the most...beggars. "Any spare change mate"? No i fuckin dont and if i did,i would rather throw it away than feed your fuckin drug habit! And another thing,i'm not your fuckin"mate",never have been never will be thank Christ.

[vikingTON]

I'll tell you what pisses me off the most...beggars. "Any spare change mate"? No i fuckin dont and if i did,i would rather throw it away than feed your fuckin drug habit! And another thing,i'm not your fuckin"mate",never have been never will be thank Christ.

Hmm, the irony in that post could almost be carved.

[MarreZ]

Apologies in advance for the double post...

People who win competitions on the radio or TV, and then feel the need to start shrieking like an idiot. Just f**k off.

Words like "zany" or "wacky". Anyone who uses them shouldn't be allowed to talk again. Similarly, anyone who uses either the phrase "the PC brigade" or "political correctness gone mad" shouldn't be entitled to an opinion on anything.

People who go on about how much of a shitehole wherever they come from is as though it's something that they hate, when actually you can tell that they love going on about it and view any conversation about where they live as an opportunity to have a wee game of "my scheme's shiter than yours". Where you come from isn't anything to be ashamed of, but it's nothing to be proud of either, f**k off.

Nationalism...just in general. Practically any rabid nationalist that I've met has been an extraordinarily boring human being. My theory is that they think that if they give the impression of "belonging" to something, it'll make them seem less boring. They're wrong.

R&B music and modern rap. I like a lot of the older rap / hip hop, but modern stuff's just totally fucking brainless : "Look at me, I'm rich, I shoot people, I 'f**k hos'". Good for you, f**k off and do it, stop telling us about it, we don't care. R&B's even worse ; stick some truly banal lyrics over a beat, say something like "to the left" a few times and aim for as much innuendo as possible and there you go, at the very least a top twenty single. Just f**k off.

Just listen to good modern rap and not the commercial rubbish, lots of new rap is as good as old rap.

[Monkey]

And also, how often do you see people with the badges on their car walk out quite the thing and jog into the supermarket.

Are you only suppoed to get a badge if you have a physical disability that impairs your movement?

I know five people who have disabled badges.Out of the five I'd say one of them does merit the badge. This is why I always park in disabled spaces as long as there is at least one space available out of the five.

And if you want a right good grumpy old b*****d rant, I wish I could turn the clock back to the mid seventies when I left the school. I would have started up a walking stick and zimmer factory to fleece the state out of the millions that lazy good for nothing b*****ds have been doing on the NHS for years. I'd be a fuckin billionaire by now providing walking aids for the vast majority of these lazy c**ts.

I see a couple of w**kers walking about my area every day with the 2 aluminium walking sticks making their way to the chemist to get their dose of methadone. The c**ts should be walking into the furnace at the nearest junkie fueled power station as far as I'm concerned. Remember to take the walking sticks off them before they hit the fire though.

[djchapsticks]

People who do this deserve death

AAAAAAAARRRGGGGHHH!

I want to headbutt my monitor looking at that.

More pet hates:

Guys who stop slap bang in the middle of the fucking road outside Asda to let their wife out of the car, causing cars behind them to wait. Wait whilst some fat hairy b*****d of a woman slides her 25 stone carcass slowly out of the family people carrier (only bought cos f**k crowbarring her into a 3 door) and saves herself a 25 yard walk across the car park in the drizzle. Maybe if you didn't get your husband to drop you off outside the shop you'd get a bit more exercise and not be so fucking fat you lazy c**t!!!

Old women stopping for a chat in asda. Right in the middle of the aisle and you can't move past them. Or worse, they stop and chat at the shelf you want into, but will make no attempt to move to let you in unless told so in a firm tone and will look at you as if you asked to see their wrinkly old mínges in doing so. Grow some manners you old fuckers. You want respect for living through 3 wars? I lived through the Gulf War, The Afghan War and the Ice Cream Wars so get it round ye!

Folk who don't acknowledge you letting them out in front of you, or letting them through parked cars. Typically the white van man or Taxi drivers of this world. Ignorant, ignorant pieces of pondlife. Common courtesy on the part of others should be thanked. I've never once been allwed through and ignored anyone as a result. I really REALLY fucking hate it when you just get dingyed, or worse, get that look from them as if to say 'quite right you let me through'. So f**k them. f**k them in the eye.

Aggression in ned lassies. Ned boys are 99% hot air, 1% bravado. Ned lassies though, are fucking nasty, nasty pieces of work. In Braehead last friday night, some 15 year-old Chantelle fae Possil was standing in the middle of the place, bawling her head off 'WHIT THE FUCKS SHE LUKIN ET?', at some girl who had the audacity to glance at her a second time as her make-up looked like it was applied by a thalidomide child. 'A'LL FUCKIN KILL HUR!!' Listen hen, wash all that fucking crap off your face, you spotty c**t. Stop scraping your hair back and tightening it with 30 scrunchies, lose the 9 carat gold sovvies and name plate choker bought from Argos, invest in a decent pair of specs or contacts, approach a mirror and you will see why the said girl was looking at you.......BECAUSE YOU FUCKING LOOK RIDICULOUS!! If that's how bad you look without all that shite, just think what you are like with it on, you're like an all-action clown with tourette's syndrome. Keep your legs and mouth shut and stop acting like a hard woman in the middle of a public shopping centre, as I guarantee it WILL come back and bite you on your plooky arse one day ya wee cow.

[H_B]

Couldn't agree more about your first 3 rants especially there. All things that do my tits in.

In fact taxi drivers in general are the least considerate drivers on the road. Never acknowledge anything, never let you out of anywhere and are general w**ks.

[philpy]

Noisy eaters. Especially on trains or buses.

[djchapsticks]

Noisy eaters. Especially on trains or buses.

That's just jealousy cos you need to sook everything you eat 'til it's saturated. B)

[Forest_Fifer]

I'm only twenty, but here are a few :

People who say : "you're entitled to your opinion". Yes, you've certainly grasped the concept of democracy, now f**k off, you patronising c**t.

"Squad rotation" : It doesn't work. Ever. The end.

People who watch Match of the Day or Sky Sports, then parrot whatever Alan Hansen / Andy Gray said as if it's their own insight : f**k off and form your own opinion, you fucking cockend. Do you honestly think that anyone's fooled into thinking that it's your own opinion when you say : "Hmmm, Man U's problem at the moment's that they don't have anyone who's willing to run in behind the defence"? No, noc**t does, f**k off.

Middlesborough : What's the point in them? Middlesborough and teams like them just annoy me, they're not good enough to be going for Europe and not bad enough to be fighting relegation. They're just happy to cruise along in complete mediocrity. w**ks.

Totally manufactured "attitude" in singers / bands : Oh, look, he / she just said that he / she doesn't like another total mediocrity! Ooh, he / she swore a couple of times! What a rebel!

Phoning English / Irish / Welsh people at my work : My job isn't really phone based, thank f**k, but when I do have to phone up people from other parts of Britain / Ireland, it really fucks me off :

Me : "Hi, my name's Fraser, I'm calling from Halifax Bank of Scotland Group, can I please be put through to your accounts department?"

Total Spastic (in voice which makes it sound like I'm the stupid one) : "...sorry?"

Me : "Hi...my name's Fraser...I'm calling from the Bank of Scotland...can I please be put through to your accounts department?"

Spastic : "Accounts?"

Me : "Yes."

Spastic : "What did you say your name was?"

Me : "Fraser"

Spastic : "Sorry, what was that?"

Me : "Fraser"

Spastic : "Caesar?"

Me : "Fraser. Fiesta, Romeo, Alpha, Sierra, Echo, Romeo".

Spastic : "Ahhhhhhhh, Fraser?"

Me : (forced chuckle) "That's right".

Spastic : "Hang on a minute"

(Shitey "on hold" music, followed by an identical conversation with some other daftie in the accounts department).

That wasn't exaggerated, by the way. They really do think that I'm saying fucking Caesar. I have that conversation several times a day. Fucking idiots.

Why don't you just change your name to Caesar then? Seems like it would save a lot of time and aggravation. B)

[vikingTON]

Why don't you just change your name to Caesar then? Seems like it would save a lot of time and aggravation. B)

Its also a damn fine name.