5 True Statements About Yourself...

[Red White and Black]

1. I fucking hate the Village of Twechar and the majority of people who live there.

2. I couldnt kick a ball to save myself, and only really follow football now because my 2 sons love it. They got me hooked after a LONG absence.

3. I hate the X factor, strictly come dancing and all the other pish like that on telly.

4. I would much rather pitch a tent somewhere in Northern England than go on a package holiday abroad.

5. I had to give up my job that I loved to care for my wife who has Multiple Sclerosis (and I fuckin hate it.)

[1320Lichtie]

Another 5

1. I never owned or wore a pair of jeans until I was 15 , just wore trakkies and football socks , tops. I now own zilch trakkies.

2. The only thing I get the piss tooken out of me for is that my family has alot of money , but if I could have it my way id rather live like most of my mates which is in a 3 bedroom council house with an unemployed mum. I hate the fact my house has 5 plasma televisions and 5 bedrooms.

3. I have and never will smoke a cigarette or take any drugs.

4. I hope to be settled , wife kids etc by the time im 27.

5. Its looking very possible that I will get a site technician job in view of becoming a site manager but im secretely shitting it as my dad is pretty high up in Morrisons.

[Ebanda's Handyman Services]

2. I hate the fact my house has 5 plasma televisions and 5 bedrooms.

Why does that bother you pal? Your Mum and Dad doing well for themselves to that extent is a good thing is it not?

[1320Lichtie]

Why does that bother you pal? Your Mum and Dad doing well for themselves to that extent is a good thing is it not?

Dont know really , there are 2 schools in Arbroath, the Academy and the High School , I went to the Academy as I used to live down that end of town (not being rude but the minky end) so all my mates arent really to well off , just sort of fitting in with my mates I spose.

Edited December 30, 2008 by 1320Lichtie

[the_russian]

1. I'm a window cleaner, by trade.

2. When I was younger I won a warhammer tournament in Edinburgh.

3. I'm black.

4. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 22.

5. My first football top was actually an early 90s Dunfermline top that my mum bought me in a clearance sale in a shop in Glenrothes kingdom center.

[the_russian]

Actually, I should add a 6th - I got barred from the Cauliflower in Ilford for singing Katy Perry on karaoke where I changed the lyrics to "I raped a girl and I liked it".

[Haitch]

1/ I have been on 46 aeroplanes this year

2/ I have lived in over 20 different houses

3/ I am friends with a England international footballer

4/ My wife is expecting our first baby

5/ My favourite place in the world is the isle of Coll

[MarvMarvSuperMarv]

1/ I have been on 46 aeroplanes this year

2/ I have lived in over 20 different houses

3/ I am friends with a England international footballer

4/ My wife is expecting our first baby

5/ My favourite place in the world is the isle of Coll

Gerrard?

[Hank Scorpio]

1) When I was 5 I jumped off a moving bus and the momentum made me run right into the bus stop, bounce off it and land on my arse. Mum went mental and skelped my arse for me.

2) I scored a hat-trick against my own team after being loaned to a Dunfermline team as I hadn't been going to training. After my 3rd I ran past my own manager and asked, "Can I play centre forward next week?". I was a regular pick at left back.

3) I reached the final of the RRFC half-time penalty competition and in sudden death thought I'd be smart and knock it in the top corner. Missed. Got our photo taken after the comp and it looks like I've got a hard-on.

4) I nearly did an unintentional backflip when running for a bus in Kirkcaldy bus station and slipping on some diesel. Hurt like f**k but folk were pissing themselves laughing so I just got up like it didn't bother me.

5) Me and my pal Spitt once found a Hamster that had been abandoned in it's cage. He took it home and when I went to see him in the morning he told me that the Hamster's guts had fallen out of it's arse. That might be why it was abandoned in the first place.

Fucking ace! Pishing myself!!

[mid-table]

1. I'm a window cleaner, by trade.

2. When I was younger I won a warhammer tournament in Edinburgh.

3. I'm black.

4. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 22.

5. My first football top was actually an early 90s Dunfermline top that my mum bought me in a clearance sale in a shop in Glenrothes kingdom center.

Actually, I should add a 6th - I got barred from the Cauliflower in Ilford for singing Katy Perry on karaoke where I changed the lyrics to "I raped a girl and I liked it".

From knowing you for a couple of years, I reckon 3 of the six are true, and another one will happen in April.

I'm not sure which one though.

[Guest dougalldogg]

From knowing you for a couple of years, I reckon 3 of the six are true, and another one will happen in April.

I'm not sure which one though.

How can you know someone for a few years yet only reckon they r black?

[mid-table]

How can you know someone for a few years yet only reckon they r black?

That's the one I think will happen in April.

[Guest dougalldogg]

That's the one I think will happen in April.

i see said the blind man

[robosaintee]

Actually, I should add a 6th - I got barred from the Cauliflower in Ilford for singing Katy Perry on karaoke where I changed the lyrics to "I raped a girl and I liked it".

Bravo! Encore!

[fraser_smfc]

Ok I'll give this a shot, seems like a good thread:

1) Although I'm interested in the news, many tragic events in Israel etc that people correctly find "terrible" don't concern me. I'm sorry but it doesn't affect me so I don't really worry about, which I feel bad about in a way.

2) I love France. Went on holiday there a lot and actually miss it. Can't wait to go back.

3) I have Swedish relatives who live in Gothenburg.

4) I am quite a good Scottish country dancer (pooove I know ), but don't get me started on disco dancing. Give me credit I tried. Not very impressive

5) I can be quite scared of doing the wrong thing, leaving me quite hesitant at times.

[Raith Against The Machine]

4) I am quite a good Scottish country dancer (pooove I know ), but don't get me started on disco dancing. Give me credit I tried. Not very impressive

I'm sort of spreading my 5 statements across this thread, but...

I'm a truly terrible dancer. Utterly horrific. I just don't see what I'm supposed to be doing! I have to try and watch some other bloke in a club to see how he's dancing (which is clearly a cool thing to be doing) and just try and copy, but I just feel like a complete tool.

Fecking clubs

[BerwickMad]

More...

1. Once during a night out me and 3 mates climbed up onto Woolies roof in Berwick, hung a Pakistan flag over the front with 'Saib' written on it and started pelting seagull eggs at the taxi line across the road. Eventually folk started pointing up and the CCTV pointed at us. We went to towards the back of the building and lay down on the floor so none of the police could see us. I waited for the torchlight to go round the other side of the building and did a massive jump off the back. Fucked myself with the fall, took 5 seconds to recover, then ran away and joined the taxi line. 5 mins later I followed the crowd and the police around as we watched my other 3 mates stand on the side of the building with their hands on the heads, before the police got the ladder out and let them down. They had bird shit all over them.

2. Me and the same mates drove to Duns one night with a big padlock we had found and locked someones gate together so they wouldnt be able to get their car out in the morning.

3. Only time ive taken drugs was when some lass I was getting into in Glasgow passed an E over to me. Have to say, it was a good laugh, but never again and I wouldnt do it through choice.

4. I once left my mates in Edinburgh to go to a brothel. Ended up paying £20 to get in, and all I did was walk around, get a sauna, see how minging the women were, watch the TV, and leave without getting anything.

5. Once had a shit in the river at Horncliffe when out there swimming.

[renton]

1. I have no moral compass

2. I am a practiced liar, mostly around women

3. I have a pretty bad temper

4. My mood tends to swing pretty violently from maudlin to happy and back again in the spac eof an hour.

5. I am permanantly bored.

[linwood boab]

1: I dislike the town I live in and most of the smackheads in it.

2: I am only here because I love the football team.

3: I am planning on being at collage in Glasgow this time next year.

4: I have more pairs of trainers than everyone added together in my household.

5: I love football, woman, music and drink.

point 5......amen brother, amen

[Al B]

1 - I am genuinely good enough to have played football for a living, and equally as genuinely have never had the slightest interest in doing so.

2 - I have never lived in Motherwell, or Lanarkshire, nor anywhere near it.

3 - One of my very best and closest friends is a fairly big international pornstar/glamour model.

4 - I've sold just under 4500 CD's in the last 9 months and I still can't get a record deal, so after being full time for the last 18 months, im going back to a proper job, starting next Monday in a call centre...and it's cutting me up like you wouldnt believe. Although im pretending to everyone that im fine with it, and that it was part of my plan anyway.

5 - I havent been to sleep yet. I tend to do this a couple of times a week, and i've absolutely no idea why. I really hate the bit between going to bed and falling asleep, which sounds ridiculous but it's true.

Edited October 27, 2015 by Al B