Sweet Pete

It would have been had you actually done it, so it's a good job this only happened in your head.

Sounds like you should date each other. Two problems solved.

Good luck in your inevitable shanking.

Snaked.

Killie's Chris Johnston is the spitting image of P&B's mattydfc.

Rubbers don't prevent crabs, meight. They're spread by pubic hair contact.

I'm going to go to Cheers and pump your wife, Moz.

(In)famous 'Shire fan.

Dat New Year's derby doe

Just had my lunch on the bus. I now have a plastic bag with an empty sandwich packet in it, so feel a bit like Mad Bill.

It ended with the classic Wire Brush And Dettol.

Think the opening act was Suspicious Discharge.

Great band, saw them at Castle Donnington in 1987. Have that, Mozz!

To be fair, it's you I was thinking of when I said "c***s".

Depends where, but Bearsden has the higher value streets like Boclair Drive and other such millionaires rows.

Nope, c***s. Bitter they can't afford to live in Bearsden.

Village full of c***s

Well, yeah, actually.

New next door neighbour is well clingy, keeps coming to the door and offering to go to the shops for us, or take the baby for us, or come shopping with us etc etc. This morning she showed up with a gift bag full of cold remedies and told us she was concerned about us being unwell as she could hear the baby crying. She's only lived there about a month, we don't even know her last name! She asked us the other day if we'd like to be guests at her graduation. All perfectly nice things that she's done, or offered to do, but a bit forward for my tastes. She also has a tendency to just dive right into the middle of a conversation from the second she sees you, it's like standing in front of a gatling gun. Keeps chapping the door about half nine at night as well, which is 30 minutes after we've put the wee man to bed and the dug goes mental when the door goes, so it wakes the baby, and then she'll say "oh I didn't want to wake the baby", but she's done it several times nonetheless. Getting on my bloody wick. I prefer my neighbours polite and distant rather than overly forward and aggressively hyper cheery.

Here you go, meight: http://www.pieandbovril.com/forum/index.php/topic/223910-british-holidaymakers-are-wankers/

f**k me, you've written a horror movie script there. Throw in a zombie cheerleader and you could sell it to The Asylum to be turned into a SyFy TV film.

Not sure I understand the question, fella.

Enjoy your job at Frankie & Benny's then.

Breast implants.