AsimButtHitsASix

Well at least this one will be left free of the tired cliché of all bad things coming from religion

The press conference is over and here are the confirmed details: Nine people have died after a gunman entered the Emanuel AME church in Charleston. Eight people were dead when police arrived on the scene, following an emergency call just after 9pm local time. A ninth person died later in hospital. At least one other person was taken to hospital. Police would not confirm the number of survivors or their condition. Police are still hunting a suspect, described as a white male, aged around 21. The shooting is being investigated as a hate crime.

In the Waterfront Car Park in a KA with my girlfriend (her motor) when I was about 20. Was shite. We just bought a picnic blanket and went out in the wild after that whenever her maw and da' were home and we couldn't use hers.

http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/live/2015/jun/18/charleston-church-shooting-reports-fatalities-suspect-large-latest-updates Live updates.

Americans

'nice' - the dullest, blandest, word in the English language. I can't even begin to imagine how intolerable the innermost thoughts of people who use that word must be. I mind being in a pub when Barca were playing and Neymar scored (another) exceptional goal and someone at the table who I barely knew said "that was a nice goal". I fucking snapped at the poor c**t and went right through him for it. There is another word I hate hearing but only from women. And only when I ask how they are: "fine" best to step away at that point

No matter if Blatter's one of them or not. A few high profile execs getting huckled will put the shiters up hald the chancers in the place

I think you should set up a premium number for "How's My Driving?" and drive with impeccable class and courtesy. You'll make a fortune from the folk phoning up to tell you how well you drove

Put an advert in the paper for "Brain Training Exercises GUARANTEED to protect you from Alzheimers!" Charge 20 quid a session (one hour) and just download some spacial awareness tests or sudoko type stuff and puzzles and riddles from the internet. Go through them all with the numpty who's paid while doing tai chi moves or something equally ridiculous. Most people don't get alzheimers or dementia so will believe it's worked The ones who do get it wont remember giving you the £20

Shoulda took the USA job

Most of the folk who were bellends in High School appear to have turned into normal, functioning human beings with a good bit of chat on Facebook (or have died of an OD) Whereas the folk I got on with seem to have all turned into Lib Dem voters who eat quinoa and talk constantly about how great their 4 year old kid is at any random task it gets sent to. "Look at Marilon's finger painting! She's just like Picasso!" Aye. I can't tell what it is and only tossers care about it.

I can't remember the last time I done a shite without having a pinch it off for some reason. b*****ds always come to the door just as I've settled down with the paper

wid

Pat Sharpe famously shaved off his mullet for charity in the mid 90s but the shorn locks were stolen and the winner of the charity auction, Lisa Minelli, was presented with an empty box as the event organisers, Barnardos, assumed she wouldn't bother checking. They were right until 2008 when Ms Minelli was showing the prize off to her dear friend, Richard Herring, and, infuriated, she sued Barnados for over $5,000,000 although an out of court settlement was reached the following autumn

It's shite. Don't bother You can have my spare one London's alright. Get to know yer ain borough when you move doon. Whoever said it's like loads of villages connected was right. You can get strangely attached to yer postcode and start moaning about "media types" who can't afford to live in in Muswell Hill putting the prices up before ye know it.

Wemyss Bay was founded in 1974 by Tom Weir, of Weir's Way, as he needed somewhere to keep his ducks

Don't worry. It'll be a sell out. The SNP have taken every seat in Glasgow!

18% of the population of Coatbridge have never heard of Coca Cola: the highest percentage in the UK beating the closest challenger, Pontypridd, by 8%

Anyone else looking forward to this? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0475784/ HBO series (so will have tits and swearing), good cast and a good team behind it. Ed Harris in the Yul Brynner role by the lookds of things as well and he's a right evil looking b*****d.

I always forget how bloody loud guns are. Anyway all this talk about Canadian bands and nothing about Neil Young or Leonard Cohen? Away wi' yerels

A wee bit aye

You work for Airdrieonians?

Emo started with Embrace And that's where it shoudla ended

Also forgive the vague description (and it might not even be there anymore) but the best night I had in Australia was a random pub I stumbled upon just outside Chinatown in Melbourne called "The <forgot this part> Hotel". Pretty sure it was named after a place in England like "The Devonshire Hotel". Just a really weird mixed clientèle full of absolute weirdos who were all friendly as f**k. Also, dunno if it's yer thing, but the theme parks in the Gold Coast are good fun Found it: http://www.exfordhotel.com.au/ Again no idea what it's like now. I ended up helping a Thai guy hustle American tourists at pool

Been a while since I lived there but up the Gold Coast check out Coolangatta: good surfing and ice cream. Relaxed wee place. Reminded me of Largs