BFTD

Had no idea that HMV was still a thing They were still charging £15 per CD last time I was in one, the caaants. You tell that to kids now, and they think you're mad

Genuinely don't understand a lot of Facebook or Bebo posts; I used to exchange messages with the son of a friend*, and I was frankly guessing for most of my replies. I'd put it down to me being an old, out-of-touch fucker, but there doesn't seem to be a lot of correlation between the text-speak languages used by people, just random syllables that they personally think sound like the words they want to communicate. It's hard to imagine that they don't regularly have difficulty understanding each other. Interestingly, it seems like schools have to spend a bit of time deprogramming the young kids now. I know ours went through a wee spell of writing random letters to make his own words * <<< BEAST (to save anyone the bother)

Pop-up shitter cock-up is a pisser for man almost left dead by moped strike to the head! (I'm sorry)

Looks like her face is melting, but it might just be the quality of that video.

Who?

Does kinda have a different meaning to 'kind of'? Also, whoosh

The word 'of' being substituted for 'have'. Starting to see it in newspapers and magazines now. Apparently it's acceptable to stick in a word that kinda sounds like the one you meant to use, regardless of what the word actually means. <<< grammer not see

Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror - a professor opens a tomb, then ZOMBIES! That's pretty much your whole plot right there. No expense was spared when writing the script for this dreadful '80s Italian flick. There are plenty of genre staples on offer - hundreds of close-up head shots of appalling facial make-up, women who cower and scream while zombies slowly shuffle across the room towards them, and fight scenes in which everyone involved are obviously desperate not to hurt each other. There are a few innovations, however; did you know that teeth grow from your lips after a long enough period of decay? And that zombies have heads made from plaster? There's also a bizarre mother-son incest subplot, which is far less interesting than it sounds. Seriously, if your make-up effects are woeful, why would you spend so much time shooting close-ups of it?

* cut to shot of weirdcal's body in a ditch *

Is that what you both think?

This is starting to sound like the beginning of a horror movie. Keep in touch every ten minutes or I'm calling the polis. Oh, and hide in the boot in case Rutger Hauer shows up

Waco: The Rules of Engagement - documentary about the events surrounding the 1993 FBI raid on the Branch Davidian headquarters in Waco, Texas. Blimey. I think most folk have the idea in their head that the Davidian massacre was the mass suicide of a religious cult centred around a Jim Jones-style zealot, and I must admit that I started watching this thinking it would be the story of a lunatic and his indoctrinated sheep sacrificing themselves in the name of a mythic being. Not, as it turns out, the case at all. Much like the situation itself, the film's a slow build, but it gets quite horrific towards the end. David Koresh doesn't seem like he was someone you'd want babysitting your weans, but the film's narrative is about a militaristic and triumphalist government organisation failing to crack a fairly small nut with a steam-powered sledgehammer, before ensuring that their mistakes are literally buried. Really well worth a watch, so long as you don't mind feeling outraged and helpless.

Anyone close enough to provide tea and sympathetic hugs?

Always seemed like a laddie who's terribly fond of himself. You can forgive an awful lot for the epic lolfest that is Caligula, however.

They'll be over soon to talk to you about making threats over the internet. I feel traumatised; compensation may be required.

Sounds like a plan. I'm guessing they'll be absolutely fucking stunned that you haven't been sitting on your hands waiting for them to deign to offer you something.

Wow. Hope you took a picture of the cars in their spaces for the inevitable claim for pain and suffering. You monster.

Uhuh. You should know by now that we don't judge on here.

Shoes off before you cross the threshold of the banana boat, I take it?

If you think that's bad, wait 'til you see what the filthy b*****ds have done in your pants

Did you offer to relocate to the pub? Best lecture ever. Don't remember a word of it, however

Your post has made Quentin Tarantino muy triste. Was gonna be a p***k and link to a disgusting foot picture but, now that I've Googled it, I just can't bring myself to do it

Well done; hear anything from the current job, or are you going to tell them to GTF either way?

Too scared about what the rest of the family might have to say, most likely. "We're glad he's not in pain and suffering", says son

...and a gobble gobble to you all!