BFTD

Miserable. Condolences from all of the human beings on here, I'm sure. In a vain attempt to cheer you up, did you hear who'll be visiting Dumbarton at least twice next season?

BRRRRRRRRRRMozzaRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Saw a moron in Alloa dump her buggy (and kid) on the street outside one of our many bookies, only for it to immediately roll down the pavement towards the road. Cue me running like an idiot to catch it before it rolled in front of a car. Managed to get there in time, only to hear "Haw! Haw! Get tae f**k away from ma wean!" How is it illegal to murder these people?

Phenomena - one of Dario Argento's more entertaining murder mysteries. A young Jennifer Connelly is sent to a Swiss boarding school by her father, a wealthy actor, in the midst of a spate of murders in the area. Connelly's innate ability to communicate with insects is discovered by disabled etymologist Donald Pleasence, who wants to use her abilities to discover the killer's identity. Not quite as batshit as it sounds, assuming you're willing to swallow the whole talking-to-insects thing; this is quite an atmospheric little thriller, with an impressive soundtrack to match. Well worth a watch - it's a shame Argento stopped producing films of this quality. Play Misty For Me - one of Clint Eastwood's early outings behind (and still in front of) the camera. Poor Clint plays a slutty DJ who sleeps with the wrong groupie; fans of Fatal Attraction should know where this going. Jessica Walter makes for an impressive lunatic, and Clint works through his full array of incredulous facial expressions to good effect. A nicely effective thriller, which has been mercilessly ripped off in the decades since. The Beyond - zombie-tastic shocker from Dario Argento's deranged spiritual brother, Lucio Fulci. A hotel in Louisiana is home to one of the doors to hell; when the property is inherited by a woman from England, bad shit begins to go down, mainly in the form of random deaths that add nothing to the plot. This is generally considered to be Fulci's best film, which speaks volumes for the rest of his work in the horror genre. The film plods along at Fulci's usual turgid pace, spending a lot of time going nowhere. There are many death scenes that drag on forever, sometimes watched by characters who appear to have no sense of self-preservation, and always involving special effects that are so bad that even a brief glimpse would break any sense of disbelief. The story is almost non-existent, and you'll be struggling to stay awake by the time the end arrives. See Zombie Flesh Eaters instead; it's better by miles. Alien Abduction: The McPherson Tape - early found-footage-fest, purporting to be a real-life recording of an American family's Thanksgiving gathering, which is interrupted by a hostile alien invasion. Talking head interviews with law enforcement, moviemakers and FX dudes are interspersed at points where the tape starts to drag (which it does, frequently). The po-faced found-footage conceit is frankly laughable considering the level of acting on display, combined with the need to pixelate anything approaching a special effect (alien witchcraft messing with the camera, apparently). Far worse is the fact that virtually nothing happens during the running time; you're left watching an extended family argument while the aliens presumably dance around outside shining laser pens of death through the windows (effects that could not be replicated, according to the experts). This is truly dire stuff, and the constant reinforcements that this is OMG TOTES REAL AND COULD NOT BE FAKED!!! cross the line into being offensive; nobody is as stupid as the filmmakers seem to have believed.

If it's overrated, I'm thinking it's because everyone was expecting it to be jingoistic nonsense, so it was a relief that it wasn't. Plus, it was an entertaining romp to boot. I was certainly surprised.

During those horrible application binges you end up on during periods of unemployment, I'd get responses from perhaps 1% of employers. I figured it was because I'm a useless, unemployable shitebag, but this thread has altered my perceptions. Now I know that you guys are all useless, unemployable shitebags too Edited for more shitebag.

Didn't think much of Pacific Rim either, and I do love me some giant monsters. It felt more like Godzilla of 1998 than Godzilla of 2014. Although it still pissed all over the former. Slightly horrified at the mooted concept of Godzilla 2 being a Pacific Rim crossover.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning - prequel to the remake from about ten years ago. A deformed and abandoned baby is discovered and raised by inbred hillbillies, before starting work at the local slaughterhouse as an adult. When the slaughterhouse (and the town) closes, mayhem ensues. Aside from the first ten minutes or so, this is virtually identical to the first film, so the whole 'prequel' concept adds nothing but the guarantee that Leatherface and his family will survive beyond the end of the movie. This one seems more concerned with piling on the revolting backwoods cliches, so it might be worth a look if you're struggling with an upset stomach and want to move to the conclusion without sticking your fingers down your throat. Really has nothing to offer in terms of story or suspense, and R. Lee Ermey is the main focus, which is all well and good but surely not the reason why you'd buy the ticket in the first place. However, there's a fair amount of comedy value in the way that almost everybody in the movie is very willing to graphically insult a 7ft tall, built-like-a-brick-shithouse, (supposedly) mentally deficient slaughterhouse worker while he is holding the tools of his trade

Twas twenty years ago, and looked like they were on cum-stained old Betamax tapes IIRC. Apparently they were "pwoper haaaadcowr" though, back before the internet made that meaningless.

I'd never thought of Stirling folk as having a strong accent, that's all, certainly not one that could be discerned as being from Stirling. Carry on.

Already been said, I'm sure, but those Sainsbury's adverts with their horrific whimsical folksy versions of pop songs. It seems to have spread to other adverts too, so I can only assume there's an ad agency out there that really hates their clients. Either that, or people are horrible c***s. Could be the latter, thinking about it.

Stirling, really? In what way?

Fucking, so much, this. Despicable scumbags that think they'll get one over on you because you've made an effort to accommodate them. c***s. However, still better than the filthy old dirtbox that whipped out a bunch of porn in front of my family and tried to trade it for the computer he was supposed to be buying.

I refuse to buy biscuits for this reason. Either we have no biscuits in the house, or I eat all the biscuits and then we STILL have no biscuits in the house and I shake uncontrollably in the corner, snotters everywhere disapprove of my actions to an acceptable degree.

Ooh, I've set up a direct debit with those p***ks on three occasions, and each time they've ignored it and sent me a bill for twelve months' worth of NI contributions at once, one of which was at Christmas too. You'd swear they're being deliberately aggravating.

Mission accomplished! Dumbarton need to make a wee tinfoil cup for us to play for IMO.

What are you guys still doing here? The Hibees are thataway!

You thought you were going down when you wrote this, didn't you? No other reason why you'd randomly feel the need to share that, almost two weeks after the season's end, and right before your big match against an entirely different team.

They get better, although my arse still hasn't forgiven me for sitting through the first two in the cinema.

Coma - Seventies conspiracy thriller where doctor Genevieve Bujold discovers a disturbing pattern in deaths at the hospital she works at. Seventies conspiracy thriller is practically a genre to itself, and Coma has a similar feel to other members like Soylent Green. Decent viewing and a little tad chilling, as it doesn't seem as far-fetched as some. Oh, and it's directed by Michael Crichton, but isn't based on one of his books. Contact - Jodie Foster unsuccessfully dedicates her life to finding extraterrestrial transmissions, until finally she intercepts one...or does she? The movie builds quite nicely through investigation of the alien message, before reaching the point of actual contact, and...well, pissing a lot of people off, frankly. Personally, I didn't mind the resolution, but I can see why others felt cheated. It's a decent, solid drama with sci-fi overtones, and well worth giving a try on an empty evening.

The Winged Serpent? Think I'll be adding a few titles from your marathon to our rental list

I haven't seen this in years, but that's a pretty accurate description. Probably quite dull if you know what to expect, so put it on next time the wife invites friends over for dinner and watch the reactions Big black hairy spunking animal cocks FTW!

Congratulations to St Johnstone - well deserved win, even if United had taken their chances it would still have been a close run thing. Also, looked like a pretty big crowd to me. Must've been something wrong with the feed I was watching

Fucking unreal. The internet hates me today. Good goal, was it?

The pop-up ads on these dodgy feeds know when a goal's about to go in, I swear.