BFTD

Really giving this relegation thing a good go now. Don't fancy next week's fixtures at all. Think we can win the play-offs, or are Dunfermline better than last season?

Tropic Thunder - didn't know this is where that "never go full retard" meme comes from. Decent Hollywood spoof totally stolen by Robert Downey Jr. Starting to think that watching spoof trailers would be more entertaining than most movies. Quote from BigFatTabbyWife after realising who Les Grossman was played by - "I wonder if they all believe in aliens?" Sorority Row - Exactly how it sounds; slasher movie in a sorority house. Group of bitches (and their wanky boyfriends) totally have the piss murdered out of them until they're aw deid. Slightly better than the average, until spectacularly losing the plot towards the end. It's impossible to have a satisfying reveal these days; they'd be as well to unveil the perpetrator as a rotten cabbage for all the difference it would make. Snake Eyes - Nice wee De Palma mystery thriller about an assassination at a casino boxing match. Not stellar, but pretty entertaining until the mystery is solved, and the story's quite nicely framed until the straightforward final third. Added bonus that I didn't want to set Nicolas Cage on fire, which is the norm.

I'll be one of those dicks that claims they saw the twist coming, but that didn't change the fact that it's a cracking film. Looking forward to Spike Lee's remake coming out on DVD, as I enjoy being offended by shite retreads of the classics.

Cleanskin - slightly depressing conspiracy drama about Islamic fundamentalist terrorism. The main terrorist guy's motivation appears to be that some utter bell-end in his college class was mean to him, and his non-Muslim girlfriend is a lush. Sort your life out, for f**k's sake. Average to OK, and saved slightly by a very bored SEAN BEEEEEAN! who gets to be a Yorkshireman in this one Nightmare Hostel - fucking horrifying abortion of a movie. Some nonsense about a rage drug being tested in some fruitcake's hospital. Looks and sounds like your worst student film nightmare, drags on for the rest of your natural life, and features optical effects so bad that you'll tear out your own eyes. All those involved should be killed. Worse than that time you put your dick in my mouth when I was sleeping and took a picture. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs - this was really good. Young mad scientist on a remote island invents a machine that makes it rain food. Much better than it sounds, and was consistently amusing. Even got a few LOLs out of me, and I'm a miserable p***k. Also, MR FUCKING T! Saw part of the sequel too, but fell asleep despite enjoying it as well. It's like the first, but all the characters have been smoking crack in the interim, which is fun to watch. And that's before the cheeseburger spiders arrive. This is a real golden age for animation at the moment; practically all the big players are producing really entertaining stuff. Except Disney, of course, who've made perhaps two or three decent films in my entire lifetime. And none of them were The Lion King. My Bloody Valentine 3D - Jaws 3D scarred me for life, so we watched this in 2D. Pretty standard slasher flick about the aftermath of a mining accident. Story was a little dull; frankly, the accident itself sounded more interesting. An OK watch if you're in the mood for a horror movie, but you forgot to pick up your beta blocker prescription.

As some shitty trailer from yesteryear put it, "UNDERGROUND LEGEND MICHAEL IRONSIDE!" I'd watch that man in a romantic comedy. That's how awesome he is.

Aye, that's the one. A nice enough twist on the evil child genre. Edit: We're talking about Orphan, just in case anyone clicks on the spoiler to find out and curses us out

Starship Troopers - lovely futuristic fascist satire, with a Zulu pastiche thrown in for good measure. Ridiculously coiffed beautiful people, hilarious dialogue, cliched plot, risible rhetoric; it's all here. Effects and action scenes still stand up well too. Good for a game of Spot-The-Actor, for those who like such things. I was originally dragged along to this by a war movie lover who was expecting a serious military treatise The level of seethe was palpable

Orphan - quite a decent little thriller. Dysfunctional couple adopt Russian sprog after miscarriage. Sprog turns out to be something different from what they were expecting (she isn't Russian, for a start). Bedlam ensues.

The Rite - utterly formulaic exorcism film; ticks all the plot boxes laid down by the original. Be nice to see one where a troubled priest doesn't have his faith renewed, or where it turns out that the victim isn't actually possessed, or where the demon isn't expelled from the host. Wait, that last one is The Last Exorcism 2, and that was shite as well, so never mind. The best in the exorcism genre try to put the shits up the audience; this, like many others, seem to exist as Catholic recruitment videos for the feeble-minded. Still, if you like seeing Anthony Hopkins have a good gnaw on the set dressing (a subgenre in and of itself), you've ample opportunity here.

Best wishes against Dunfermline - I hear they're quite tough in play-off finals.

That's entirely fair. Those hookers and blow charity gala nights aren't going to pay for themselves, however.

Terminator: Salvation - pretty impressive CGI, but I still don't find this one very interesting. I guess the aftermath of Judg(e)ment Day doesn't do much for me. Plus, some aspects of the plot are a bit cringemaking, like Also, y'know that suspicious feeling that things have been included in a movie to sell toys later? Bit of that going on here. We're not talking Transformers-level shilling, but it's definitely there. Obsession - Seventies De Palma film. Fairly entertaining, but transparently obvious where the plot is going within the first half-hour, which is a problem for any film with a twist in the tale. Worth watching the DVD extras to see Brian De Palma cheerfully admitting that he ripped off Vertigo for most of the plot, which would come as a surprise to precisely nobody

Effects are still great in T2 - I meant that John Connor's character in T2 hasn't aged well. I don't remember having a problem with him when the film came out, but I've found him incredibly annoying any time I've seen the film since then. He fit well with early Nineties popular culture, but he's a smug insufferable wee p***k, and it's hard to root for his survival. I know people didn't like Nick Stahl in T3, but I don't think T3 would've been improved by the return of Ed Furlong's version of the character. Not a criticism of Furlong, BTW; I'm sure he played it as he was told. I shouldn't have asked for clarification about the hatred for T3, to be honest. A quick Google reveals blog posts like this one, which contains all the detail I could have asked for, and is frankly terrifying (no, I didn't read it). Would be interesting to know what dissatisfied Terminator fans would've wanted from a third film, though - seems to me that, between T3 and Salvation, the options are exhausted. Think we'll watch Salvation again tonight. Chekov's Michael Biehn impression was entirely passable, IMO.

Dragged a laugh out of me for reasons that I don't understand - well done!

Chain Reaction - Christ, is this almost twenty years old? Keanu Reeves goes on the run after shadowy agency try to destroy his perpetual motion machine because OIL! Only he and Rachel Weisz can save the day by outrunning city-levelling explosions on a motorcycle. Offensively silly story, but nowhere near as bad as I remember, which makes it only mediocre. I Spit On Your Grave 2 - sequel to the remake of one of the worst controversial films ever made. This one follows the usual template of rape and humiliation before subjecting its protagonist to the ultimate Hollywood indignity - EASTERN EUROPE! Or so you'd think from her reaction to finding out where her kidnappers have taken her. If you're fond of revenge movies and aren't put off by the prologue of sexual assaults, there's much to 'enjoy' in seeing some truly awful people suffer horribly. Still amazed that this has become a series, however.

That's how I feel about T2, to be honest, almost word for word. The only real difference is that T3 is sorely lacking Linda Hamilton, but it does benefit from a lack of Ed Furlong. John Connor in T2 has not aged well. Both still cracking action movies, but feel like popcorn fluff in comparison to the original. I feel like I get why the original is popular, but I obviously like T2 for different reasons if T3 wasn't an appropriate sequel to it

I thought you were talking about the snooker until I saw the other comments!

The Cat O'Nine Tails - decent thriller from the mercurial Dario Argento. A blind puzzle addict and an investigative journalist team up to solve a series of murders revolving around a genetics laboratory. Far more toned down than Argento's later output, but still a decent enough tale to pass an evening with. Could do with a modern remake, actually. The Grudge 2 - sequel to the American remake. Seems like it's going somewhere in the first half, before spectacularly running out of ideas, gradually bumping off the cast until the whole thing peters out. Stakes its entire fright budget on the audience finding the croaky mother scary just by her presence in a scene. The third film was even worse. Both the Japanese and American series had nothing to add beyond the first films. Boogeyman - the Sam Raimi-produced one from a few years back. Got this as part of a cheapo pack along with Gothika and...something else really memorable. Pretty dull flick about a guy whose father is whisked away by the closet-dwelling Boogeyman during his childhood. Fast forward to adulthood, and the ugly bugger is back for reasons undefined. Seems like it might be going somewhere for a while, but never does, and stumbles quietly along to a whimpered climax. Still, it's probably better than Gothika, which all of you should see right now! You'll love it!

I know, you aren't alone. Still don't know why though.

Terminator 3 - never understood why this got such a roasting from Terminator fans. I guess it doesn't do the dark sci-fi thing that the original did, but Terminator 2 already shot that particular bolt. It's a cracking action film that... Oh, and it's still more entertaining that Terminator: Salvation. Right At Your Door - got a fair bit of hype when it came out, but didn't really live up to it. It's an OK little drama about a chemical attack on Los Angeles, but it focuses almost entirely on a couple who are caught up on the outskirts. Problem is that neither are very likable to one degree or another, so I was none too fussed what happened to either of them. There's a twist ending as a reward for sitting through the rest of the film, but it's kinda pedestrian as well, despite the pleasing schadenfreude.

The Case of the Bloody Iris - aka What Are Those Strange Drops of Blood Doing on the Body of Jennifer?, which practically screams "GIALLO!" for anyone ever remotely familiar with the genre. Film was pretty dull, and I'd lost interest in the identity of the killer long before the end. A few things of note, however, one being some dodgy handling of race. Classic quotes include, "She's black - but not TOO black", and "Every white man wants a black woman - your sins can be as black as they are" There's also a predatory lesbian stereotype, typical for the time period, who doesn't even seem to fully comprehend her gayness herself. Those interested in attractive naked ladies might want to take a look

I'm with the pro-camp on Cabin in the Woods. Quite imaginative and entertaining. I also need Mulholland Drive explained. Maybe Lynch threw the lesbian scenes in so we wouldn't ask too many questions?

You can't blame them - the most popular shows on TV are nothing but this. The mother-in-law accused me of not liking music because I couldn't sit through The X Factor with her. Still debating where to put the body.

Oh, she got the ketchup alright. Without it, she just wouldn't have eaten anything, while still staying in a normal happy mood. What set her off was having it mentioned that she always used ketchup. Then the darkness descended and the villagers feared for the lives of their children. Y'know, she would fly into a demonstrative rage at the sight of a camera too. Racking my brains to think if I ever saw her reflection

.........egad!