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I've not heard any rumours but it's Joshua Kimmich. Out of contract in the summer so didn't have to spend much money, and apparently Gerry knows him through the German Donner Kebabs place down Hamilton.

So that's a wrap for 2023. 330 total films watched starting with, strangely, a rewatch of Glass Onion and ending with How to Have Sex. 244 first-time watches, some of which I've highlighted below as the best of the bunch. 67 new releases was up on 62 from last years, and again I've picked out some faves in the order I saw them rather than just doing a top 10. Enys Men Tar The Fabelmans Skinamarink Godland Close Reality Asteroid City Past Lives Sick The Killer Bottoms The Eternal Daughter Totem Earth Mama Fallen Leaves How to Have Sex I also made it to the cinema 53 times, starting with a Rashomon re-release before finishing off the year with a Home Alone rerun, but the highlights were undoubtedly the twice I finally managed to be the only person in the screening - once for Missing and once for Past Lives (this made a great film even greater).

67. How to Have Sex - MUBI I thought I was done with 2023 releases, but this recently dropped on MUBI having regrettably passed me by while it was in the cinema. And boy oh boy is it good! Three teenage girls go on holiday to Ooh Ah Malia for sun, sex and a large side order of self-discovery. The early stages of the film absolutely perfectly set up the trio as people more than just characters, as their mannerisms and interactions with one another establish their personalities and relationships which ultimately also foreshadows some of what's to come. That's all done visually with incredibly natural dialogue - for a bunch of English partyers, anyway. Thank god it did such a good job with its visual storytelling because I did not have a scooby what some of them were saying at many points, purely due to the accents and colloquialisms. It's testament to the film that I immediately cared so much about them considering I'd give them the largest swerve imaginable were I to meet them irl, however the filmmaker, Molly Manning Walker, and actors managed to convey their unspoken backstories to give a sense as to why those loudmouths on you see on these types of holidays (like 17-year-old me) are acting like... that. There's also the sun-soaked aesthetic of being on holiday: bright pool parties, stuffy hotel rooms, fluorescent outfits and a hue that's not quite American Film Set in Mexico but does convey the setting well. The time spent setting up the three girls hides the fact that, after 30 mins or so, it does end up focussing on one in particular, Tara. One of her friends wants to Get Ass but also ends up getting grades too, the other Gets Grades but also ends up getting ass. So that leaves Tara stuck in the middle, pretty much getting neither, which makes it easy to sympathise with her as a lead, but, more importantly, it manages to depict the irony of loneliness while being surrounded by so many people, loneliness that either is borne out of her burgeoning self-discovery or vice versa (she is beginning to discover why she feels lonely). Loads of standard imagery like mirrors/reflections and the beach/sea which speaks to her looking into herself at an age where you're on the cusp of change. I'm sure comparisons will have been made between this and Morvern Callar, Aftersun and probably Spring Breakers too as they were all at the forefront of my mind while watching. It shares the lingering feeling of dread and a focus on loneliness and discovery on holiday. I don't think its story is quite as ubiquitous as Aftersun's therefore it won't have the effect that that film had on so many people, however I'd still absolutely recommend it to people who loved how Aftersun's story was actually told. In a year where no film has stood out as a clear number one for me, How to Have Sex is certainly close to it.

Trust me bro, it's not as good as it sounds.

I was happy with Winter coming back and Hendrie needed to come on, but it was really strange waiting so long to make that final change. Those two might not get that chance again any time soon.

I just feel bad for Kalala and Latona

I liked Saltburn but can't disagree much with the complaints here. I did like Oliver as a character, though, perhaps because they didn't delve too much into his psyche.

He's obviously a good technical player for Scotland, but I think his mental attributes are the reason he's pushing 60 caps and will hopefully end up in the top 10 of all time. There's that desire to improve his game that you've pointed out, and he's also got the intelligence to adapt to so many roles and help two of our best players flourish. I think he'll be a player who Scotland fans will tell their future kids and grandkids about as being the underrated player of this group of players.

We've got to wait another couple of months for The Iron Claw to come out here, but I'll be honest, you've sold me on it despite the negative review. The trailer played before something I saw fairly recently and I'm pretty certain that tried to market it as more comedic, and the trailer was definitely mega grainy so I wouldn't blame your screening for that.

I'd imagine Rankin will revert back to a back four with Smith moving back wide. Tait will obviously miss out and, though I'm not sure if Barjonas will come in for him or if Hewitt will move into midfield with Newbury or O'Brien replacing him (is O'Brien unavailable or just dropped after his first half v Alloa)? Hopefully we can put on a fun performance again after being so poor these past few games.

www.skysports.com/amp/football/news/11717/13037914/luton-manager-rob-edwards-say-police-investigating-an-alleged-racist-comment-towards-carlton-morris-during-sheffield-united-game I was waiting for this story to come out after watching the last 10 mins of the Sheffield United v Luton game. It was clear that something had been said to Morris.

65. Femme - Cinema Great performances from Nathan Stewart-Jarrett and George Mackay as the two components of a strange relationship: one of them wants revenge on the other, while their counterpart is using the relationship as a means of exploring his sexuality. That sums up what I found most interesting about the film as it essentially combines two different stories within one relationship and their diverging paths were fascinating to watch unfold. A desire for retribution combined with the optimistic hopes for a happy ending made it a strange experience - in order for them to get what they wanted, the other had to lose. That also relates to the power dynamics within a relationship, especially a gay one which includes a closeted dude. Considering that the first act from George Mackay’s character was to commit a homophobic assault, it’s testament to his characterisation that he was interesting enough to engage with for the rest of the film despite it very much being told through Nathan Stewart-Jarrett’s eyes. Not a traditional thriller, but the tension between the two characters kept me hooked throughout. 66. Leave the World Behind - Netflix This was the kind of film that, in fact, did not keep me engaged – whatsoever. It really should have as it’s all about presenting a scenario that invites the viewer to wonder what’s going on, but that felt really forced and really the only trick that the film had up its sleeve. It felt like a bad M. Night Shyamalan film where you’re just waiting to see what the bad twist is before shrugging your shoulders and moving on with your life, only remembering the time you wasted watching the film.

I absolutely agree, but let's leave it at that! I know your game all too well, my man.

A lot of people took against a poster's thread asking for Pie & Bovril's thoughts on rotten posters, so I thought I would start one to get some Christmas cheer going. It's simple - which posters do you think are great? Which threads do you think are great? Which posts do you think are great? What Was the Last Movie You Watched? is probably my most frequented thread while Tartan Army Ramblings, for all its faults, is fun for the discussion cycle between, leading up to and during international breaks. Disclaimer: This is a 100% Festive Spirit Zone, so no bad vibes are allowed.

"No Plan B" isn't true. We played a different system yesterday (which didn't work whatsoever) and some games have been won either after noticeable in-game changes (Kelty away, QotS away, Alloa at home) or pre-game (Annan away/QotS at home, Montrose away). Given how many goals we've scored/chances created from cutbacks this season, I think it's fair to say that that is a clear plan of Rankin's; usually overloading one side and either using someone like Barjonas, Smith or MacDonald to open the play up, or Barjonas, Longridge, Zanatta etc will link up on that overloaded side to then cut the ball back for someone in the middle. I don't really like how much I've defended Rankin this season as I still don't think he's good enough in the medium-term, however I do think he can get us promoted this season so I'm willing to see how he responds to this poor run of form.

I think back in March after his goals v Spain a few folk were saying that he'd wasted so much time at CB, but most of his performances in midfield before then left a lot to be desired.

The reported numbers were around that but apparently they weren't quite true. The Oné transfer is the only one where there's been a trustworthy figure quoted - around £200k which will have been the most out of the lot. We'll have since received more for Oné after he made his PL debut but I don't know how much more that will have been.

There are plenty of legitimate reasons to dislike Rankin, but some of this is either guesswork or just plain wrong.

Pep won a domestic treble using Zinchenko in that role. I don't think I've mentioned it before, but imo this neck of the woods has some of worst football opinions I've ever seen. Exhibit A:

Shimmer Lake's been on my Netflix list for a wee while, pretty much only because of the reverse chronology. It does sound like something I'd enjoy.

VAR really is just the pits isn't it? Spend all that time watching Ramsey's shirt getting pulled at least as much as he held onto Foderingham, then they recommend the ref to rule the goal. Plus Sheffield United had ample opportunity to just get rid of the ball.

I think this is the end of Scotland as we know it. A localised XL Bully apocalypse.

Thought Everton just about shaded it, but it was a pretty awful game. Onana's penalty was an absolute stinker, however Pickford's performance in the shootout to let three or four slip under him was really poor too.

60. Thanksgiving - Cinema Maybe the most undercooked film I’ve seen all year. It has all of the components necessary to make a really fun slasher – autumnal atmosphere, fairly brutal kills, social commentary, stupidly funny at points, hits the right tone – but the characters are so weak that none of the kills leave an impression and it rushes past all of its story beats. It’s fun enough, but everything past the opening section is a massive let-down. That set up all of the characters, the tone and even the blue and orange colour scheme which I really liked. The animalistic, ridiculous Black Friday shenanigans were brilliant fun to watch, although it feels about 10 years too late to take a shot at the chaos of Black Friday, but all of the promise of those moments fall to the wayside when the film becomes more focussed on maintaining a quick pace than creating something good. 61. Totem - Cinema I did this is a double feature with Thanksgiving and they’re so wildly different that Barbenheimer seem like a perfect marriage in comparison. This one takes place across one day: a man’s final birthday. It’s very rarely about him, though, as it’s more interested in the people who are going to be affected by the space that he’ll leave in their lives: his sisters, his wife and his daughter who’s the closest we get to a main character. It’s presented in 4:3 which is important as there are so many closeups of those aforementioned characters, and the frame captures them really nicely. There are closeups which seem like mid-shots due to how they cover other things within a scene. It’s all about these characters responding to the impending doom that we never get to see, all done in really interesting ways, particularly concerning what gets left behind beyond the grave. It builds slowly, but man, it really hit me when it got to the final shot of the wee girl which lingers and lingers, distorting the music and really giving off the impression that she’s coming to a realisation about the impacts of death – but also life! It’s very good and, embarrassingly, one that I’d have had no idea about if I wasn’t already in Glasgow to see the schlocky Thanksgiving. 62. Rotten in the Sun - MUBI In a film full of wild characters, this turns into a story about the guilt of a normal housekeeper who inadvertently plays a part in the death of the tenant. The rest of the film becomes an investigation into a mystery that the audience already knows the answer to, therefore it’s more about the paranoia that comes from seeing the story play out through the eyes of this innocent housekeeper. So Knives Out, but a bit shitter. 63. Earth Mama - Cinema 50th cinema trip of the year (which I then doubled up with the next film). I’d read a wee bit of buzz about this but didn’t really take note of when it was coming out, but I saw the trailer before The Eternal Daughter and that sold me on it as something I could really love. The film focuses on an pregnant black woman in poverty who’s trying to come to terms with the best course of action for what’s inside her, both literally and emotionally. It deals with ideas around motherhood that are as honest as they are heartbreaking, all told through an understated and unconventional protagonist. She’s quiet and, unlike some of the other characters, doesn’t get a spotlight to vent (those who do get some moving vignettes where they’re simply standing speaking to the camera), but that just made me feel all the more connected to her. It's reminiscent of a Sean Baker film as it depicts the kind of people who find themselves between the cracks of American society. That comparison is especially true of the cinematography which makes its impoverished setting look beautiful. I absolutely loved the score too; it occupies this space in the background of the film as pieces of grand and quite chaotic music trying to break through the quiet overall tone. The police and other authority figures are also background figures just heard or obscured, which I thought was an interesting way to make the audience aware of the jeopardy faced by the main character and her community while still keeping the focus on them. She also works in a sort of photography hall which has all sorts of different backgrounds to jazz up people’s photographs , something that I THINK reflects the concept of escape that’s prominent throughout the film, but that’s not something I’ve got my head around. 64. Fallen Leaves - Cinema This looks delightful – a real nostalgic kind of aesthetic with its grainy technicolour scenery. It initially reminded me of the look of a Rainer Werner Fassbinder film, but then that comparison became even more focused on just one of his films, Fear Eats the Soul, in terms of depicting these two romantically involved characters who are lost in the world. They seem like they shouldn’t be the focus of a film which just makes them all the sweeter. News of the Ukraine-Russia war is regularly played over the radio, giving off the impression that this couple are inconsequential in the grand scheme of things which added a deal of intimacy. It’s just this small story that the filmmakers chose to tell. Its style of humour was also similar to A Pigeon Sat on a Branch; it’s really funny but often in a deadpan way, and the rich supporting cast may only appear in one or two scenes but they still leave a laugh along the way. I’d probably call it a romantic comedy, but it’s not expressly comedic and it’s not very romantic – that’s what makes it so great.

I think that he deliberately wasn't shown as a master strategist in order to feed into the misplaced hubris, but I agree with everything else. I went with my dad who knows a hell of a lot more about Napoleon than I do (I just know he's a wee guy with a hat) and he enjoyed it a lot more than me.