fuzzydunlop

Your breaking point was Alanis Morissette aye...i'd say it was

This doesn’t count as in England(yep worst pbs in England for this pish.., but thought I’d mention anyway). After about a few weeks of moving down here(Leicester) one Saturday afternoon me the g/f had a massive argument about something stupid as usual. I stormed out the hoose and with nowhere really to go, I decided a pint was in order at the nearest boozer. Despite living here for a few weeks and visiting numerous times before I moved, I hadn’t been to the nearest boozer to the house as the g/f had never been keen. It hadn't bothered me as despite being closest, it was in the opposite direction to town, so never really had the notion of popping in. So now I had an ideal opportunity to check out my new local. Saturday 2pm and the place was mental. As I walked to the entrance two women were having a full on scrap. Well I say ‘scrap’ both grabbing onto each other and trying to push each other over. At that point I should have turned and left but was already in a mood and you had a big walk up through to car park to get to the entrance so would have looked like a shitebag if I’d turned round. (Please note when I first moved to England I had this inbuilt thing where I thought being Scottish I could handle anything here. For example, I once walked through a so called ‘rough’ part of the Leicester unaware that it was a bad part of town. When I told my missus what route I’d taken she was genuinely worried/shocked. Obviously I replied “ach it was nothing, you’ve never been to Possil”(in my best Begbie/Scheme voice) – not sure if any other P&B’rs who have spent time down here have experienced this weird reaction to living outside Scotland..as if to say “everything is much shitter in Scotland” was some sort of thing to be proud of). Anyway, back to the pub.. Inside wasn’t much better. Some dodgy dance music was blaring from the P.A. I went for a p*ss and there was a queue in the Gents for the only mens cubicle with a bunch of young cokeheads waiting in line for their go. Rows of urinals free, but massive cue at the cubicle. As I’m having a slash one of them tells me he’d just got out of Strangeways so is celebrating. Then when I ordered at the bar, the guy next to me asked the barman for two eccies, which were duly produced and money exchanged in full view. It was pretty much the closest I’ve come to the pub out of Shameless. The rest of the clientele were either wide boys or complete freaks. The women were a mix of complete and utter tramps or those council estate birds that you wid but then regret it immediately when you had to visit the doctor or you find out that their boyfriend Dean is after you. Luckily the pub was quite big so I could get away from the mayhem and hide away at the back and watch the scores coming in but then the afternoon karaoke started and some p*shed woman was up wailing along to Alanis Morrisette – pint was finished sharpish and I was out of there. Much rather face the wrath of the missus! Place closed down about a month later. Now bulldozed and in its place a Lidl. Maybe not the worst pub but definitely one of the worst pub experiences I’ve had.

Oh yeah another one…. About a year after the day trip event , the Director came to me with an ‘Employee of the Month’ scheme where someone would get a token £25 for doing the best in various areas. Initially I felt a bit lousy about it due to the relatively low amount but due to company policy getting any sort of reward was something. So for the first month I concocted this elaborate points system to prove that a certain person was employee of the month so it could be seen in black and white. I knew I couldn’t just give it someone that I ‘perceived’ to be employee of the month as it would cause folk to moan so I took ages making sure the figures stacked up. Typical call centre type b*llshit. Number of calls taken, lateness, etc. After awarding the first month to one of the girls who rightly deserved it, I happened to go out the room after announcing it. In my absence I found out that these two tw*ts started dissecting all the results, right in front of this girl who had won the £25 to try and prove I’d somehow got it wrong. It was £25 ffs! I was told afterwards and was f*cking livid. So much so I decided to that I couldn’t be ars*d with the whole thing and it wouldn’t be happening again. Told the Director why and he agreed. Felt a bit bad for the other folk in the team in hindsight. The irony of it was I’d decided in my head that I would fix it so each month so everyone would get a month where they won it as I didn’t think people would scrutinise it after a few months especially for the sake of £25 I didn’t think people would be so bothered!

Brilliant, I thought the ending was going to be people trying to claim OT for it as well. ha to be fair i wouldn't have put it passed them!

Heres another one for you… Again my old department. Essentially the team I looked after were support/admin for a large salesteam. The sales guys are out on patch trying to win orders and hit their targets. As the salesguys have pretty heavy targets they also get some pretty sweet rewards, commission, company paid holidays etc The team I managed were based in an office dealing with After Sales customer enquiries but on a salary only. This as you can imagine riles up the office team who feel they also do a good job and deserve an extra reward. At every appraisal I did with them they would moan about not getting ‘perks’. I’d remind them that they did not have targets or the risk of working in sales where guys are given the sack regularly for not hitting targets. Also if people want to do that type of work they should apply instead of working in admin. However a couple of girls in the office were going great guns all the time about not getting any rewards so eventually I took the request to one of my managers meetings with our Directors and suggested it might help morale to give them something and after a particularly good year a few years ago there was some money in the budget to be used as a reward. I think due to taxes and maybe terms of employment the team weren’t allowed to be just given money in their wages as reward. However, and this is where it got interesting. The Director responsible for my department sent an email out saying “in light of a great year, please keep this date free for a day trip”. However the day of this trip was to be a Saturday as we couldn’t do it in work time. No one was told what the trip was, just to keep the day free and to let him know if they could attend. Now I’m not one for any works events during my own time. However, we were given plenty of notice and it was intriguing so I was up for it. I was sure booze would be involved with it being a Saturday so decided I’d give it a go. The other two girls who had done the lions share of the moaning quickly dismissed it and said they weren’t giving up their weekend(they didn’t have kids either) to do something work related. Leading upto the event there was rumours of what it would be and these two cows kept laughing at everyone else and making snide comments about doing something crap like going bowling or paintballing. At any opportunity they would say things to the rest of the team like “can’t believe you are going to spend free time at work”. When they were corrected that it wasn’t actually “work” they would respond with “well it might as well be”. The day before it at work we were told to meet at the Train Station early the following morning so it immediately took a more interesting turn. You could also see the two that had decided not to go were already regretting their decision and started asking lots of questions as if we knew what it was. “remember text us as soon as you know”… So the few of us who decided to go met at the station the next day. Turns out we got first class train tickets to London. Met the Director who got us p*ssed in a few pubs. He then took us for lunch up the Shard(oh yes Kenneth!) for a slap up meal in a private room. Everyone was then given £250 gift vouchers. Few pubs after it and then back on the train and home for 6pm(I should say I live in Leicester). Turned out to be a great day out. Monday morning back at work, everyone who had gone was buzzing and the two who hadn’t gone were visibly livid. The only let down was they were give then £250 vouchers as well which I think they had been raging about since the Saturday as they had been texted to say we’d all got them.

watched this as well...scary stuff. I'd actually heard about this ages ago on some Irsih music doc but just thought it was a 'wrong place at wrong time' situation. Hweoever didn't realise how deep rooted it all was....recommended watch.

ha, never thought about it before...so yeah i'm over 40 and still thick as sh*t

Aye, exactly…I’ve nearly put some post on the topic about Snakes at work but I fear if I started I wouldn’t stop. All my mates used to say it must be great managing a team of women, “I bet you are in yer element”. Truth be told, although a couple of them were ‘wids’ to look at, it was mostly a bloody nightmare(which is no reference to having to deal with the time of the month when it was extra evil). Some of the stuff that used to go on was unbelievable, backstabbing, moaning, bitching, petty bullsh*t, etc etc An example being, we had two different lunch hours, split 12-1pm, 1-2pm so there was phone coverage. So half the folk would go early and half late. It would be swapped around every few weeks so it was fair, Everyone got a an early and late lunch throughout the month.. However if someone on the early shift lunch came back even a minute late(meaning the later shift were delayed going for theirs) it would be carnage. I could understand if it was 10/15 minutes but I’m talking as soon as the clock hit 1pm folk would proclaim loudly in my direction “well that’s her late back from lunch again”. If people were repeat offenders then I’d understand but it would happen once every few months at most but when it did it was like it should be treated as a sacking offence. If, when I could be bothered to, I did respond, I’d ask if the person moaning if had any plans at lunch they were being kept back for. Every single time the answer would be “no, but I want to get my lunch and it means I get less time for mine”, to which I’d respond every time with “well you can just come back at 2.02pm instead of 2pm”. I also had to stop the MacmIllan coffee mornings…a sentence itself which makes me feel like the most evil man in the UK. But one particular time one of the girls organised it but it meant she had to be in our canteen area for a couple of hours serving coffee and cakes to people who were buying for charity rather than in the office working. Not ideal but in the spirit of charity I didn’t see a problem…wrong! One of the other girls kicked up such a fuss that it was unfair she was doing work whilst this other girl was apparently having the time of her life. When I suggested swapping over, the girl with the complaint refused because she obviously didn’t want to get involved in selling cakes. Thing is, all this goes on as you are also trying to deal with actual customer issues and do actual work.

well there was a total of 15 people in this Birthday syndicate so more than one a month averaged out(although I remember July was particularly bad!)

watching the news at the weekend. Bit came on about the Cardiff player plane crash and the pilot being unlicenced to fly at night. Despite the fact that 5 seconds previous the news guy had said both the passneger and pilot had died in the crash my missues still said: "he'll got to jail for that" Don't think my response of "that will be quite difficult with him being bottom of the f*cking ocean" went down well

I changed jobs about 6 months ago. Previously was a customer services manager looking after a team of 12 folk. Now I work on the road, pretty much on my own supporting people where needed so never in the same depot. .One of the big plus points is I no longer have to deal with the Birthday bullsh*t. The ‘deal’ in my previous role was the person whose birthday would bring in cakes. However there would also be a whip round for said person by the team. As manager I would then have to make a ‘presentation’ to staff member and the team would sing happy birthday. It was so f*cking cringeworthy. I tried several times to suggest we ditch it at the turn of every year but the lassies took great offence at this at taking any excitement out of office life. The big problem for me was the presentation part. As I couldn’t just say “heres your present, now get back to work”. I had to make a bit of a ‘speech’ and make small talk in front of everyone - ask what they were doing for their birthday etc..I soon ran out of patter and could feel myself regurgitating the same ’funny’ one liners from time to time as part of me inside died. The thing was when I started as part of the team there was only 6 of us but as department grew and more people joined it felt like every 2 weeks it was someones birthday..and then you had the added weddings, newborns, folk leaving that added to the monotony of it all. I’m not a skint flint by a long way –in fact as a manger I used to put in a bit more than everyone else but it was just relentless. Don’t get me started on the ‘not so secret santa’ and the dramas revolving how much folk had spent on presents…. As I said not a day goes by that I don’t thank my lucky stars I’m now out of all that now!

Fascinating and scary stuff. Just what a shambles the Police Chiefs running the whole thing were. It had a whole ‘Life on Mars’ TV programme feel with the amount of sexism going on. I was slightly too young to remember the Ripper killings and although I knew a bit about it I wasn’t really aware of the timeline and how it panned out. I did laugh I’m ashamed to say when they showed football footage with the crowd chanting “theres only one Yorkshire ripper”..

Watched this last night, not a fan of the band but I’ll generally watch anything music related..docs or biopics. Really enjoyed it though…pretty funny in parts and also had that Bill and Ted/Waynes World feel (”duuuuudee”) Some nice touches as well. Not sure about Ozzys accent though! My wee brother was into all that sort of music in about 1989(Guns n Roses, Faster Pussycat, Poison, Skid Row,LA Guns etc) so I remember hearing a lot of it back then…

I’m getting grief at my work as I don’t have or want a LinkedIn profile. Apparently it helps with ‘networking’. I wouldn’t even put where I work on my facebook profile(unlike a lot of the c*nts who work here who see it as some sort of badge of honour)..more because I doubt pictures of me oot my nut at 3am would go down well. Probably covered elsewhere but the whole networking thing fills me with fear. I was asked(told) to attend a conference about a year ago. On the itinerary they actually had a time slot for ‘networking’. I thought I was just going to listen to some speeches, free lunch, then f*ck off early The problem was I was attending as a supplier to an industry so the folk there all knew each other to some degree. As I knew no one there and I’m not the most outgoing person in the world as it is(unless I’ve had a bevvy and its all change) I essentially just stood in a corner watching the clock for an hour. To make matters worse my phone ran out of charge so I literally had f*ck all to do. Maybe its me but I just feel like a total pr*ck walking up to a complete stranger and saying “so what line of work are you in?”..mainly because I couldn’t give a f*ck….in fact I find any sort of work small talk completely mindnumbing.

also loving this (some great UK comedy on the go at the moment has to be said). Brilliant character and script is fantastic. Wonder how many takes she needs to get those little 'nods' to camera/viewer right, as she nails it!

me too, and totally agree....watched whilst pretty hungover on Sunday so was a bit emotional. Although I must say I don't think my missus would have reacted so well at all the practical jokes he plays on his... i get they were trying to show the 'fun' relationship they both had but I'd have got a boot in the baws if I'd pulled any of those stunts!

saw Paper Machine Music live at 13th note on Saturday supported by Lonely Tourist. Great gig, Paper Machine Music are ace, epic Scottish Indie.... but best tune of the night was this...don't usually go for 'funny' tunes as they tend to get annoying very quickly but this is great:

Have you got the trinket that improves the quality of your kills? ah dont think so..will check that out

i've postponed the missions to try and get some of the the tasks done. I'm bloody hopeless at the hunting part unless its just shooting F*ck out of things. This whole 3 x perfect rabbit pelts is doing my nut in -i assume patience is the key? ....as is kill 3 x birds of prey with a tomahawk!

Saw cracking loine up in London few weeks ago..Blow Up records Night: Big Boss Man -Hammond, mod, groovy sh*t Alfa 9 -Jangly guitars, Byrds harmonies, Green Seagull - 60s psychedelic folk ace!

just checked twitter 3-2 Falkirk now? Sounds like a game!

yep totally agree. I used to really enjoy his show. The guy who did the sport was also good for a laugh, especially when they did the confessions part. Then Jo Whiley came along and I stopped listening....not long after he gets dumped...

John Peel – never really got into him. Obviously played a lot of great stuff but some amount of sh*te as well. So I couldn’t last without turning it off. Mark and Lard –Weekday nights around mid 90’s. Probably my fave ever radio show. Great sessions, banter and a brilliant mix of tunes. They switched to daytime Radio 1 I think and although it was agood move for them it wasn’t the same for me and maybe a bit too crazy for daytime. To be fair I was working in an office at the time so could only hear bits of the show when I went into the workshop. Evening Session – mid 90’s –great for tunes/new bands but Jo Whiley was annoying as f*ck. I think I stopped listening to Radio One around the time Colin and Edith left. Wasn’t a big fan but they used to play the odd good song and at the time Radio 2 for me still felt like it was for auld c*nts. I think the last tune Colin played was ‘There She Goes my Beautiful World’ by Nick Cave – can’t imagine hearing a tune like that on Radio One these days but then I haven’t tuned in for years. I then didn’t bother with radio for years….then got a job driving a lot more so got back into Radio but moved to Radio two..cos I’d turned into an auld c*nt. Chris Evans was ok if he didn’t go on about his f*cking kids all the time. Also liked Simon Mayo. The change in Radio two presenters came at the same time I got a new car with Digital radio and Bluetooth so I can play Spotify/6Music through it. So haven’t really tuned into Radio 2 this year. At home have 6music on most of the time. Lamacq is great for that getting from work, making the dinner slot..good mix of big tunes and new stuff. Mark Riley is probably my fave during the week, don’t listen to Gideon Coe as much as I’d like as I’m usually watching TV by that point. I enjoy Huey on Saturday mornings. Not a big fan of his sub-gangsta chat but his music selection is great for the start of your day off. Liz Kershaw I should like as she pretty much plays indie rock/punk anthems but theres something about her I cannae stand Then Giles Petterson usually gets switched off for being too weird for me and the fitba results coming in Craig Charles funk/soul always good to get the drinking started!

ha, does anyone remeomber the Wayne carr character/section in this...got Steve Wright down to a tee

loved Cadette..in fact loved that era...funnily enough i was showing a guy at work this footgae before xmas and was thinking about Cadette