Rudolph Hucker

M8 M9 Burds in conversation saying " So Ah'm like this........... An' then she's like that......." "boils my piss" Scenes Putting "#" in front of random words as if it was a stupid Twerper hashtag

She must be aff her heid. Once she has qualified, what lawyer is going to take on such a pathetically self- promoting bint as this? Ahh yes - Aamer Anwar..............

I was going to post that but I was too fucking busy. Or vice versa.She was a funny woman all right.

Think we've fairly well got it covered now - don't want to Hammerite

Good decision. Don't want to end up tired and emulsional.

I take it the mattress is full, then?

Mebbe he'll fit floats to his dad's bike and pedal his way across. Soon as you like, Norman.......

Button-down shirt collars. Pointless waste of time. I won't buy a "dress" shirt with those annoying wee abominations on it and any casual shirt I get with them has the buttons undone immediately and permanently.

^^^^^^^ word salad.

Looking at many of them, it seems that wimmin in Paisley can't pronounce the word "salad".

They'll maybe claim to be City or United fans, but which of Scotland's gruesome twosome is their "big" team?

Must have a bloody good hiding-place then.......

Should've bought the next one up in the range - it types garbled posts and saves you the bother.

A brickie's labourer goes to the doc complaining of terrible constipation. The doc gets him to drop his drawers and bend over so he can have a look. "Okay, I can see the problem", says the doc, "don't move." Doc goes to his golfbag, which is sat in the corner, and gets his driver out. Standing on a chair, he addresses the arse, swings back, and BAM! Shrapnel flying all over the place, and immediate feelings of relief for the patient. "That's great, doc, thanks" says the guy, "but is it likely to happen again?" "No," says the doc. "Well, not as long as you stop wiping your arse with old cement bags......."

A guy is always on at his wife to give him a blowjob but she always refuses, saying she was shy, she wouldn't put "that" in her mouth and anyway she wouldn't risk him coming in her mouth either. He tried for ages to get her to do it if he wore a condom but she refused saying she hated the taste of rubber. Finally he thinks he's found the answer - flavoured condoms! He puts this to her and after a while she agrees, and he nips out for some while she has a couple of drinks to get her courage up. By the time he gets back they're both up for it and dash upstairs, strip off and jump into bed. She dives under the duvet and starts sucking and slurping away. After a minute or two she stops for breath and says "This is magic - I didn't know the did a "cheese & onion" flavour!" He says "Ehh, no love, they don't - I huvny actually pit wan on yet......."

Guy fell under a steam train on the West Highland Line. He was chuffed to bits.

Thank feck for that. Anybody got a padlock??

v.......except that we both know you're taking the populist view as gospel and therefore talking crap here, don't we - there's a massive difference between a genuine "head's gone" episode and half a dozen or so numpties shouting "Heads Gone!", missing apostrophe and all, in support of their even numptier mate. Still, if it keeps you happy, son, that's fine by me since we both know you're struggling to have a pop at me apart from on this flimsiest of pretexts. BTW, if there's one thing that's consistent about you it's that you will totally ignore any part of a post that is accurate and which you cannot contest. With that in mind, it's nice to see it confirmed that the first part of my post was obviously on the money. Unlucky, champ!

Don't take him seriously, guys; it's just yet another Saturday night when he hasn't managed to get his hole. Good luck to Hopkin, hope he does okay - especially when you play the teams round about Morton.

Has someone hacked into vt's account?

A man with no legs was thrown out of the cinema for standing on the seats. As he waited at the bus stop a pal came along and asked him how he was getting on. Eventually he got two wooden legs, but they caught fire and he burned to the ground. He tried to claim for replacements on his house insurance but he didn't have a leg to stand on and was eventually charged with arsin'.

He looked a class player for us - when he could be ersed to get on the pitch and show it. Looks as if that attitude of his continued, and would explain why (according to Wiki) he's now without a club.

The Smiths Jamiroquai Oasis U2 Muse

Two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other, "Can you drive this thing?" Two trout swimming up a loch and they come to a concrete wall.. They look at each other and say "Dam!!"

If you felt that strongly about it, why didn't you assert your status as a MFAD and chin 'em yourself? Could've enhanced your reputation locally no end.