Raith Against The Machine

Little known fact: French Fancies have nothing to do with France. They were developed by Stephens, and are named for Hamish French.

No self-respecting Fifer should ever set foot in a Greggs. Personally I'd always choose Stephens over Baynes, but they're both in a different galaxy to Greggs. It's like people who'll get chips from a Blue Lagoon. Have they no respect for themselves? The turn that this thread has taken is warming the cockles of my heart, by the way.

Brilliant. Right, you love Davie McGurn, you hate John Hughes. I'm going to get used to being top of the league.

I was born in Dunfermline. Do you want to swap?

I refuse to use zebra crossings.

It sounds like Davie McGurn has gone to Cowdenbeath on an emergency loan, and will play for them away at Elgin today. I wonder what Elgin's PPV is like...

Spot on! The narrator read every noun like it was being revealed to him in real time, in the manner of Bob Dylan's Subterranean Homesick Blues. "Hearts? and Partick Thistle? are taking the SFA? to the Court of Session!?"

"Fly on the wall? Naw, we've never had any flies at Tynecastle. An' if we did, they'd be special. Special Hearts flies, on a special Hearts wall. It's just different here, eh?" I've only myself to blame for watching that third episode, but it was even more of a Hearts PR piece than the first two. Gary Locke drawing a wage to be the Gorgie Trump is just a staggering state of affairs.

I think you're right. The big man's had his dreads chopped!

Regardless of player turnover, that cup game must stick in Stevie Crawford's, er, craw.

He's a funny one. He's been much, much better than I expected, but then I didn't expect very much. There aren't many players in their mid- to late-twenties who haven't made a mark above Conference level who turn out to be brilliant. My feeling is still that he's outperformed his own natural level so far, and that he'll level out over the course of the season. To answer your actual question, I don't think there'll be a queue of other teams desperate to take him to a higher level. That, however, is just my suspicion. We knew from his YouTube showreel that he'd be quick and strong, but he's technically better than I thought he'd be. You look at his goal tally and you might assume he's being used as an out and out lone striker, but he's really been more of a focal point in a false-nine sense to bring our aforementioned midfield three into play. In the games we've done well in, he's exploited shoddy defending very well. The big puddings at the back for Queens in particular had an awful time. The problem we've had (and not just with Duku, but with his like-for-like replacement Lars Lokotsch at Dens) is that when he's having a tough time against a good defence, the whole team struggles to get forward. Personally, I think he's the right player for the system that McGlynn and Smith are using. In that sense, he has been and will continue to be a very valuable player for us. I'm less convinced he's got the potential to go and do better things elsewhere.

Not being able to attend is taking a little bit of the sting out of this one, although that might just be me downplaying things because I expect us to lose. It's not that Dunfermline are world beaters; Fon-Williams was clearly some way down Crawford's shopping list for a goalkeeper in the summer (below Jamie MacDonald, I'd wager) and neither Declan McManus nor Kevin O'Hara are really properly good Championship strikers. They're both "on his day" forwards, which will be my excuse should one of them score a hat-trick. That said, in Euan Murray and Paul Watson I think the Pars have the best defensive partnership in the division, and that midfield looked excellent against Hearts. Whittaker didn't look anywhere near as done as I'd hoped, and Dom Thomas has obviously already proven that he's the excellent signing that he looked to be. It's not that I'm particularly pessimistic about the Rovers' chances. By and large performances have more than matched results this season, and they've deserved the points they've had, but we saw yesterday that McGlynn hasn't stumbled on some unstoppable wonder-team, despite Morton's best efforts to make it look that way. We can be nullified by a busy midfield and a dominant central defence. Now, what was I just saying about this Dunfermline side...? If the Rovers win this game, the man of the match is either going to be Regan Hendry or Manny Duku. It's going to take a midfield masterclass - which Hendry is capable of - or a completely dominant striking performance - which, although Duku has been very impressive, would require another step up in ability from him. We've got quality in other areas of the park. The attacking midfield three of Armstrong, Tait and Ross can and will cause trouble for every team in this division, but they're going to need a standout performance either in front or behind them, if not both, to be the difference. TLDR - Jim Leishman's poems are shite, Sammy the Tammy looks like a jobbie wearing a hat, and Morrisons is a much better supermarket than Aldi.

Jocky Scott isn't the runaway leader in this poll? You've changed, Pie and Bovril, you used to be cool.

You're right, I feel a wee bit guilty for the stick earlier. I wouldn't feel particularly good about myself if the boy comes on here and reads it. I don't think any of it was necessarily untrue, but he's obviously a relative beginner and I can't imagine he's getting much support from the club, based on everything else related to the streaming process! He'll learn and he'll get better, but a co-commentator would take away the need for him to be talking constantly. He needs to find his voice. Is he doing this enthusiastic-yet-dispassionate 40s style radio commentary that we got 99% of the time, or is he doing a faux-ironic "awaaaaaaaay we go" schtick? Printing off screeds from Wikipedia doesn't really count as research, but I suppose it's more than Davie Provan bothers his arse to do for Scotland games. When we played Queens earlier in the season, you could tell one of the two boys on comms had been reading through our last couple of match threads on here. That gave him a much better background for calling the game than being able to tell us that John McGlynn is the 28th and 34th Raith Rovers manager since World War Two (which, incidentally, is a weird starting point to use for that stat. It implies something significant happened to the Rovers at that point, like Hitler had been the gaffer at Stark's Park until he shot himself).

I would implore everyone not to spend £10 on ICT's coverage. The club don't deserve your money. They've taken the cheap option at every turn and ended up with a horrible product from start to finish. Also, that commentator on anyone else's service would be the worst thing about it by some margin. That he isn't even close for Caley Thistle is a damning indictment on Scot Gardiner and anyone else involved in that decision making.

Aye, we've managed this game badly in a lot of ways. Silly fouls, silly offsides, and squandered set pieces. Making things harder than they need to be. Couple that with the uncharacteristic wastefulness of Hendry, Armstrong and even Spencer when he's come on, and we've had no chance today.

Lars has got to do so much better with that header. Our afternoon in microcosm.

This commentator also being a referee is the least surprising news of the day.

That's a pain. I was hoping we might be able to start dialling the pressure up a little bit. I don't think we've been dreadful, against a good side, but too many individuals having off days for us to take anything.

Good work from Lokotsch in the midfield to set Armstrong away there. Maybe the shot on target will settle Armstrong down a wee bit too, he's been all over the place today.

[citation needed]

Wikipedia's a dangerous thing in the wrong hands, eh?

What a save that was. We're living very dangerously. Boy's just mixed up Manny Duku and Regan Hendry. Easy done.

I think we've actually had more of the ball, but it's all been in areas of the park that Caley Thistle are completely comfortable with. We've barely managed two consecutive passes outside our own half. The last attack of the half was the first time the Rovers attacking midfield managed to combine in the way we've seen so often this season. John Robertson has set up properly to prevent it. I don't think we'll take anything from the game. We're going to have to commit more bodies forward, and we look susceptible on the break. And with Keatings on the park, there are still more goals to come.