GordonD

Is one of them squeezing the guy's baws?

I was going to specify Scottish Cup Final but thought, nah, nobody will be so petty as to point that out...

Is a hole punch worse than a kick in the pie?

No, he is in London. To annoy them more, ask them if that's a Brummie accent.

What next? Will it turn out that the Rangers players were attacked by their own supporters because they were angry at being the first team in 114 years to lose a cup final to Hibs?

Congratulations, you met the Provost!

Ah, suddenly light dawns. If she was from Morningside she wasn't complaining about your baby at all. When she said 'this isn't a crèche you know' she actually meant the bus hadn't been involved in a road traffic accident.

Not sure what you would get for a hundred quid. I've got one of these http://www.panasonic.com/uk/consumer/home-entertainment/home-cinema-systems/sc-hte80eb.html Got it at Richer Sounds at the end of 2015, when it cost me £150 and I'm very happy with it. TV speakers are in the main, crap, so if you watch a lot of films as you say you do you will certainly notice a difference. Especially if the films have a lot of explosions...

That's worse.

"there are kids running about. It could have scarred them for life.” Does the guy cum Hydrochloric acid?

So Craig Gordon isn't a sportsman then?

Was the player using a sand wedge?

Not when you're clinging onto a one-goal lead, deep into stoppage time...

Sting would be really hacked off at the damage it's doing to the environment.

Fixed.

Supporting Cowden must take a lot out of you then...

Were you at that one?

No, but tell her Wool and Worth were cousins.

Speaking of losing SPFL status... Edinburgh, Cowdenbeath and Cumbernauld aren't known for their northerly location so what happens if whoever finishes bottom of the table then loses the playoff to a Highland League side? Surely there wouldn't be a straight swap, as happened with City and the Shire, but there would be an extra team in the Lowland League and one short in the Highland. If Montrose had lost to Brora Rangers last season putting them in the Highland League wouldn't have been too much of a stretch but a club from the central belt would be a logistical nightmare.

^^^^^ Court appearances

This is genuine - instructions for making a British Rail sandwich:

I can see why that would upset you. In Leith, a lot of the time they are just talking to themselves!

Does she bring her own bowl?

Not if you do it during the interview.