Melanius Mullarkey

Somebody hacked your account, m8.

^^^^Likes to watch an old queen fondling little sacks.

In fact, why bother with the Tuesday part. We dont say Merry Christmas Day or Happy Easter Sunday. Happy Pancake!

Oor cat spent week 1 under the living room sofa. Week 2 under our bed and half of week 3 missing outside.

If you've had anything by Findus in the past few years, you probably have.

We still talking fags or are we onto farts now?

She's from the west coast so you're absolutely right.

The wife and bairn like pineapple. I loaded up my bits with........

A pizza express margarita which I souped up with various items including pineapple.

Why have them later when you can have them for breakfast Very true. Whilst Im here, your shop's pizza sign is in the wrong aisle. I wasted nearly 20 seconds the other night looking for pizzas only to realise they were in the next aisle. I'll be in later with a strongly worded letter to your manager.

Anyone else having pancakes later?

Literally this.

Just had a Mini Roll. Scenes have ensued.

How much?

"meat from under the counter"

I think it was named after a sex scandal involving Dundee prozzers being paid to hang tins of corned beef from the original owner's private parts.

Sounds like Oxfam's workers have been make a few donations of their own, eh eh eh? Brings a whole new meaning to the words "relief worker". Begs the question, is there any organisation left on this planet that isn't embroiled in some sort of sex scandal?

Did you forget where you parked the car?

Wid not.

I doubt that the whole “Utd would be better losing” Doddsy pish would have been spouted if they have been playing Falkirk or Morton this weekend.

Unleashed my latest creation earlier. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Desert Dhow. A Vienetta hull, chocolate orange sail and glacé cherry bouys.

Get a king rib then.

As does everyone bar possibly 2-3 teams.

By wouldn’t you just go and sit in the boozer and get a fish supper on the way back to the hotel?

Do folk seriously go to Wetherspoons and drink that shite?