Ebanda's Handyman Services

I stayed friendly with my ex for a good while afterwards, had a wee bonus night and that seemed to draw a line right under the relationship. Doubt you'd do that being about a thousand miles away, like! Just get out with your pals and enjoy not having anyone else to consider for a while?

I presume that you didn't finish on the best of terms then? Doubt the wife would approve bud!

Fair enough. You should be kind of used to a single-like life if you had an open relationship, no?

Ye'll be fine! Who dumped who?

What's up like?

Is it in yet? In?! I fucking finished 5 minutes ago and I'm in the kitchen making a cup of tea!

What kind of women have you been pumping that you'd think )O( was a symbol for clunge?! (|) would be better surely?

A'right, thanks. I was genuinely intrigued and thought it may have been a pendant or something.

Kilt, what does )O( symbolise? Thinking along the lines that Gaz was, It's a bit goatsee.

I've got a couple left, you needing a hitman?

On the subject of kids programmes, does anyone else wish that Fireman Sam would just run Norman Price over and then shallow grave the ginger b*****d. I think Sam avoids doing this as Norman starts 99.9% of the fires in Pontypandy and Sam would be out of a job and his daily Cartoonito documentary would be pulled if Price was dead.

Nice one. Chan 0116 on Sky folks.

Soccer AM is embarrassing. The sketches just aren't funny. Serious overhaul required or get it punted for a better football show without the shitey gimmicks.

Gina McKie on Forth1 said "LMAO" last night when I was on my way home from work. I considered handbrake turning, smashing through the central reservation barrier and driving to Edinburgh to kick her in the pie but decided against it and went straight home as planned.

We've all done it. "That was a great curry that you made you FuCKING SLAG!"

Mine too, bud. Rubbish eh! We'll see if the 8pm theory happens although ny suspicions are that 8pm will come and go with no resolution.

Take G_Man with you and throw him off the top of the tree for cursing my PS3. I'm having to converse with people for goodness sake. The wee ginger lamb is ignoring me now that Fifi & the flowertots is on right enough.

That's the top of the tree, man! G_Man has cursed my PS3. I can't play Heavy Rain.

I saw a dog being hit by a car this morning. The stupid cow who was walking the dog just watched as it ran on to a main road and the woman in front of me swerved on to the other side of the road to avoid hitting it! Braw! Just cause a pile up because some daft bint can't control her moronic labrador. That's the third dog that I've seen being hit by a car and each and everyone of them just got up and started sprinting in any given direction. Humans are soft like. We'd just lie there buckled but dogs just run it off.

The snow is fast becoming similar to the weird relative that you don't have any time for not pissing off after a new years party. Some folk don't mind the novelty of this weird relative but most folk wish that he/she would just f**k off and not come back until next years party so we can sledge on him/her for a few days before getting bored and wishing that he/she would piss off again. The fitba will be off on Saturday too thanks to this cold white weird relation.

I'll attend it's funeral on the condition that there are sausage rolls at the wake. Shortbread too.

People who do big exaggerated noises when they sneeze get right on my tits. Usually because I near on pish myself with fright when they do it. It's tantamount to hiding around a corner and screaming in someones face when they come around.

Better safe than sorry, pal. Dinnae worry about it, it'll just be a precautionary measure.

Remember, if the subject doesn't have a pie you hit them with a brick.

Correct. If the complications don't come until a year or two in, you're in business. I advise rooting it and booting it.