Ebanda's Handyman Services

As much as I attempt shitey, transparent wind-ups, this is a serious question.... Do you think that Partick Thistle would be able to offer Smith better terms than Raith could? Also, do you think Smith would see Thistle as the better option out of the two?

Stop worrying guys! McGlynnho will get us sorted right oot and raring to go. 'Mon the Rovers! Get in aboot this 1st division sheeeeite.

Thanks Lyn-Marie. Looks like I'll be shy of around £500 if I want a payg.

Can you get an Apple Iphone on Pay as you go? If so, does anyone know where I can get one cheap. New if possible.

I've had that a few times as well. Not her like, but women adding me as a friend that I've never seen in my life. I heard that they are religious oddballs who get all preachy once you add them. I'm almost tempted to add them to have some fun asking why God doesn't give me my wish when I pray for a hole in one on a 500 yard par 5.

First time to see our new guys play competitively!

There's definitely a trend there Dunc. I fear for oor Gregory if he blasts a shot over the bar this season.

On a similar note, I absolutely cannot stand Arjen Robben. A face you'd never tire of punching and a cheating, antagonising little c**t to boot.

Remote record it! Give me a PM and I'll talk you all the way through it.

Just set the alarm for 3am, put all black clothes on and a balaclava if you have one and then go around the neighbourhood stealing nice flowers from folks lovingly tended gardens like a gay Ninja. Bunch them together and tie a bit of string around the middle. Voila! A minky looking bunch of flowers that your Mum will think the world of you for. Make her a card too. Preferably with one stick figure giving the other stick figure wearing a triangular skirt a bunch of flowers. Buy beer with £5.

Welcome to P&B, neebs.

Do you have a cold?

I remember going in to my work after a night on the Green Chatreusse. 6 hours worth of dry boaking and some off green shite ripping my jeer to bits on the way out convinced me to never drink again when I have work the next day.

Throw the cats up. I can assure you that they'll land on their feet.

Are they much the same as Duffs? I bought a pair of Duffs once and stopped wearing them when I became paranoid that I looked like one of the Mr Men.

Al Murray just isn't funny. I wish he would become a real pub landlord and get the f**k off of my television.

I thought it was harsh too. Dracula will probably justify it by saying it was from behind though.

I never will either. It's full of junkies and alcoholics according to that bastion of reality, the BBC.

Why not just buy an alarm clock? You won't need to feed it and it won't shite on your carpet.

Div, Can I become a mod again so I can ban the tits off of gmfcandy or at least to see whos alias it is. He's fucking dire, man!

Dear Sergeant, I'm bored and have started winding up precious Partick fans for fun. Any other suggestions to alleviate my boredom? Andy.

'Sake man! Have you been battering in aboot the wine gums this morning?

I 'hoped' to win the lottery on Saturday past so I wouldn't have to go to my work again but f**k all came of it. Hoping is in the same category as guesstimating in the respect that neither holds much sway in the true scheme of things. You appear to be readable, Beachbum, but this superior attitude that accompanies your good self does you no favours.

I usually go for.... "A'right BABY! Gies a wee feel o' yer paps." Either that or I say hello and leave it at that unless they extend a hand for me to give a wee shake.

I saw Neil McCann today and he neither confirmed or denied that he was signing for the Rovers. That's because he was 20ft away from me and I didn't ask him.