Ebanda's Handyman Services

I had to put my parents Rottweiler down the other day. He was too heavy.

£3k?! That's good eh! I intended on paying my wiper £500 a time for their work when I win the lottery.

There's nothing worse than sitting on the bog with half a shite poking it's brown head out of your ersehole and not being able to decide between risking an Elvis situation or attacking the inconvenience with reams of toilet roll and having to have a shower as a consequence because you just don't feel clean. I fucking hate wiping my arse like. If I won the lottery it'd be the first thing I paid for, an arse wiper. I'd give them special quarters in my huge house.

If he's up for it then why not? Ho ho ho. Seriously, batter in. If it gets awkward, it gets awkward. Who cares? At the end of the day you've had sex on tap and with someone you probably trust not to have some cock shrivelling disease.

Speaking to Davie Hancock when we went to do the Jimmy Nich interview gave me a good idea of the massive amount of work that these guys do to provide another excellent medium connected to RRFC. I hope they get the support they deserve when the questionnaire comes out and would urge everyone to get right behind them.

We've talked about getting something more economical than the Kompressor but came to the compromise that the wife drives it the two miles there and back to her work during the week and I get to ream the life out of it at the weekend. I was doing nearly treble the petrol driving it to my work than what I put in the Focus. You lie to yourself that you'll drive it economically until a clear bit of road comes up or some dafty in his 1 ltr Corsa is trying to scream away from you at the lights. Foot down, dafty left feeling daft = Big grin that Monster talks of that looks like this >>>>>>

Do well at Uni and undersell yourself for a managers job there then. I'll put in a good word for ye!

He was actually called John. Wee John, the Asian guid c**t!

I'm a wee bit worried for my job. An Asian outsource worker transferred a customer to me tonight and the wee Asian guy was really sound, wishing me a nice shift, nice week, nice year, nice life, nice reincarnation etc. He eventually passed the customer over and she even spoke about how nice he was and I agreed with the line, "Aye, I think I'll try and adopt him!" She took an audible intake of breath and I instantly thought about how what I said may have been perceived and then she burst out laughing for a while. Could that be misconstrued as 'dodgy' if that call is randomly listened to?

Next door neighbours cat won't stop meowing at the back door. I should probably let it out of my wheelie bin.

I reckon LTL is spot on pal. I remember going around the back of the South Stand when we were playing Celtic after I'd finished my afternoon game at the bevvy park to watch the match on the BBC vans monitors! Doubt you'll get that option on Tuesday though.

Why have you quoted rw89's perfectly sensible sentence in your sig? Most Raith fans would tell you that they'd rather have points in the league rather than a win in the cup. It has f**k all to do with your diddy team believe it or not.

Contact Jim Foy and see if there is something you can do to help him? People will moan and moan but they'll never do f**k all to rectify the situation that they're moaning about. We are completely spoiled when it comes to alternative media with the Rovers. People need to realise this.

Ice Age 3 - Dawn of the Dinosaurs Brilliant film. Buck, voiced by Simon Pegg, has to be one of the best animated characters ever. 8/10

Cheers for asking me along! Made me realise that, although I was blowing out of my arse, I'm nowhere near as unfit as I thought and if fitness continues to improve I may well look at getting back into it.

I only played part of the first game of course but I'm actually not too bad. I expected to have to roll out of bed, crash on to the floor and do a worm like movement to the landing where I'd then slide down the stairs head first. Was able to walk though. Brilliant effort by you guys yesterday, I hope you're all on the pitch at the derby to receive the accolade that the fundraiser deserves.

Funny People Funny people my arse. I laughed more at Beaches with Bette Midler. I was actually uncomfortable watching it and couldn't make my mind up if the 'Funny people' were meant to be funny or not during the on-stage scenes. 2/10. Fucking mince.

I predicted 7-0! Thought I wasn't going to be far off after the first half hour. That must have been really gutting for the EF supporters. Confidently making the trip to Starks and seeing a player they were booing quickly bang us 2-0 up. Offfttt! Sare ane!

I was impressed with Mole when he came on yesterday. Went close with a lovely wee step-over and left foot shot, fired in the brilliant driven cross that Walker headered just wide and scored that nice wee glancing header. Very satisfying subs appearance from Mole yesterday.

You occasionally get the old episodes but most of the time it's the new stuff that you get. I wish they'd start showing Thundercats again, that'd be alright.

Ad Lib - Fireman Sam is on Cartoonito at 11:00am. My kids watch it but I try and entice them with Dora the Explorer which is on Nick Jnr at the same time as I can't stand that nippy ginger c**t, Price. I wish Sam just deafied him when he glued his hand to his bedroom door after trying to do an airfix and somehow managed to set the bedroom on fire.

Made an erse of a brief at work tonight. Embarrassing. The last time I wished the ground would swallow me up like that was when I had a solo sing song at the Rovers when I was blootered.

One thing is for certain. Slating the boy before he's kicked a ball likely won't fill him full of confidence. I'm actually looking forward to seeing how he'll play off Baird. Welcome back Jamie son. Get fired in!

I'd imagine that the team McGlynn starts with tonight will be very close to the team that he's looking to start with on Saturday.

I worked out the bit about us being a small professional Scottish team who shocked Aberdeen! He also spoke about how his name was Gregory Táde, being a superstar, playing for the Rovers and how he hates the Pars. That bit was oddly familiar.