el buitre Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Wow. Well you're wrong. You shouldn't expect grandparents to do everything their own way. You should be able to expect them to act in the best interests of the child. "When you choose to work"? How patronising and narrow-minded are you? Did you choose to work or do you have to go to work? In addition, she's pregnant, just received some upsetting news regarding the pregnancy and is in the middle of an argument she didn't start and you think he should tell her to get a grip? Wow. Just fucking wow. Aye ok we'll deal with this one point at a time 1. Im not wrong thats only your opinion 2. If you have other people such as grandparents (who by the way are the worst people to stick to YOUR rules about YOUR kids) you can only point them in a direction of how you want your kid raised as they seem to do what they want as they raised you and think they know better 3. "When you choose to work" why have kids when both of you f**k off for the majority of the day and only see your beloved precious little darlings for 20 mins in the morning and 20 mins at night. Kids are not a lifestyle they are a lifelong commitment that need constant attention and reassurance that they are loved by their parents spending time with them. Not two holidays a year or 2 cars in the drive 4. She was the one that mentioned splitting up over a diddy arguement. An arguement that she is part of as the kid is sent to the grandparents who would appear happy enough to take the kid but it doesnt appear they are following the rules that are laid down as if they are employees. In summing up, this is a forum, where people post their stories and other people give their opinions. If the opinion isnt to your liking thats fine but its a bit black and white to start your post with "Wow, well your wrong" Cheers 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Cuddy Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Black and white? Read your first post on the subject again. "You can't", "tell the wife to get a grip", "the only thing that works is..." all sounds a bit like a direction rather than an opinion. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
el buitre Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Aye right you are then 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuggie_Murray7 Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 If it helps, you are all wrong. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuggie_Murray7 Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 The boy turned 1 at the weekend there. He's a wee star. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven Seagal Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Thanks for all the comments, folks. They're all genuinely appreciated. So, things are still going poorly. I went up to see my mum and dad on Sunday morning and took a note that my wife had written explaining our daughter's routine. My mum took it the wrong way and was very hurt by it (as I've explained due to my wife's ADHD she has difficulties communicating). My dad was understandably on my mum's side but he did say that if he was in my position he'd be doing exactly the same as me - so at least he seems to kind of understand. I took the wee one up to see them on Sunday evening which went okay. Today was the first day that my mum had been looking after her since the events, and when I went to pick her up just after five my mum gave me a note explaining to the exact minute what our daughter's day had been like to show that she had stuck to the routine. At the end of it (it was addressed to my wife) it had a sentence saying "if you want to, feel free to pay a home help to stick to your routine to the letter". I can totally understand my mum's point - she has been a massive source of help to us, and we are very grateful, but at the same time we have to get our daughter into as consistent a routine as possible regardless of who she's with. We've booked into a private scan tomorrow to keep tabs on Baby Number 2 as on Monday we were taken into triage from 7:30 until 11:00 as my wife had been experiencing pains. Again they couldn't reassure us about the amniotic band but they did say the worry was more than likely what had caused the pains. Keeping everything crossed for tomorrow. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
die hard doonhamer Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 Thanks for all the comments, folks. They're all genuinely appreciated. So, things are still going poorly. I went up to see my mum and dad on Sunday morning and took a note that my wife had written explaining our daughter's routine. My mum took it the wrong way and was very hurt by it (as I've explained due to my wife's ADHD she has difficulties communicating). My dad was understandably on my mum's side but he did say that if he was in my position he'd be doing exactly the same as me - so at least he seems to kind of understand. I took the wee one up to see them on Sunday evening which went okay. Today was the first day that my mum had been looking after her since the events, and when I went to pick her up just after five my mum gave me a note explaining to the exact minute what our daughter's day had been like to show that she had stuck to the routine. At the end of it (it was addressed to my wife) it had a sentence saying "if you want to, feel free to pay a home help to stick to your routine to the letter". I can totally understand my mum's point - she has been a massive source of help to us, and we are very grateful, but at the same time we have to get our daughter into as consistent a routine as possible regardless of who she's with. We've booked into a private scan tomorrow to keep tabs on Baby Number 2 as on Monday we were taken into triage from 7:30 until 11:00 as my wife had been experiencing pains. Again they couldn't reassure us about the amniotic band but they did say the worry was more than likely what had caused the pains. Keeping everything crossed for tomorrow. Your mum sounds like the typical dreaded mother in law, tbh. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuggie_Murray7 Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 (edited) At the end of it (it was addressed to my wife) it had a sentence saying "if you want to, feel free to pay a home help to stick to your routine to the letter". I can totally understand my mum's point - she has been a massive source of help to us, Wut? She the grandmother. She'd rather a "home help" looked after the wee one rather do sone things the way you ask? That sounds just a tad daft to me. Edited March 20, 2014 by Shuggie_Murray7 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Wut? She the grandmother. She'd rather a "home help" looked after the wee one rather do sone things the way you ask? That sounds just a tad daft to me. That's not what she said - she said if you want EVERYTHING done the way you want, get a home help to do it. I've a bit of sympathy here with both parties - we are constantly baby sitting (I exaggerate slightly), particularly the youngest two, and my wife gets interrogated about what the boys have been eating, when the youngest one last got his nappy changed, did he have a sleep (fat chance of that with his big brother constantly at him) and so on. The rest of them are big enough to not need a routine, apart from the 4 year old I suppose, but there is one grandaughter whose diet we have to watch and we get quizzed on that, too. I was baby sitting the 4 year old the other day (in her own house) and apparently she has plastered nail varnish over (a) her bedroom carpet, (b) her bedroom walls and © the inside of the (newly) built-in wardrobes. Needless to say, mummy not best pleased - in my defence I brought her (the 4 year old) downstairs twice and never noticed any nail varnish on the walls/carpet, so I'm not 100% sure if this incident occurred on my watch or not. It might be different between daughters and mothers as opposed to daughter-in-law and mother-in-law as it is in this instance, we never baby sat nr 1 son's children (too far away) and only occasionally nr 2 son's. We are the only grandparents available for baby sitting. Now I know my examples are nothing like as stressful as what Steven Seagal and his wife are going through - I think he just has to keep on trying to play it cool, visit his folks with the child and support his wife - not easy! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 IMO. Fairly close, tbh. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Had my appointment changed. 8.30 am, Saturday 29th March, Forth Valley Hispital. The snip. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Had my appointment changed. 8.30 am, Saturday 29th March, Forth Valley Hispital. The snip. And if your appointment was in a hospital, would you be getting a "snop"? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 (edited) JG and MM, the new Francie & Josie (or Dod and wee Alicky) Edited March 20, 2014 by Jacksgranda 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raithie Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Our son turned 2 at the start of March there and I must admit I'm loving this part of his life more so than the new born phase. That might sound a bit nuts considering this is the stage where they can go a bit mental and really test the boundaries but coming home from work and have him run at me shouting 'daddy daddy' and giving me a cuddle is a fantastic feeling. He's now speaking in sentences and nearly having full conversations with us. He's telling us when he's ready to do 'stinky poops' so thinking we might try potty training him soon. My only worry I do have for him at this moment is he's still in a cot and we've not taken the bars off yet. He's not quite grasped the ability to climb out it yet - I know most will say this is a god send but really hoping he takes to a toddler bed ok when the time comes. He had his first proper row yesterday. He's been quite good in knowing right from wrong even at 2 years old. The wife had him on the bunker as she was putting away the food shopping and he got hold of the 4 pint of milk and started slowly pushing it towards the end of the bunker. The wife would tell him to stop but he kept smiling edging it closer and closer. Just as the wife went to grab the milk he throws it on the floor and it exploded everywhere. I must admit I did laugh when she told me the story and when I came home from work he was quieter than usual. Turns out he was put in the corner (some random part of the house which the wife immediately proclaimed the naughty corner) but he just kept running about thinking it was a game. He was then put in his cot and went apeshit. Thankfully he said 'sorry' off his own back so he must have realised he had done wrong. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Our son turned 2 at the start of March there and I must admit I'm loving this part of his life more so than the new born phase. That might sound a bit nuts considering this is the stage where they can go a bit mental and really test the boundaries but coming home from work and have him run at me shouting 'daddy daddy' and giving me a cuddle is a fantastic feeling. He's now speaking in sentences and nearly having full conversations with us. He's telling us when he's ready to do 'stinky poops' so thinking we might try potty training him soon. My only worry I do have for him at this moment is he's still in a cot and we've not taken the bars off yet. He's not quite grasped the ability to climb out it yet - I know most will say this is a god send but really hoping he takes to a toddler bed ok when the time comes. He had his first proper row yesterday. He's been quite good in knowing right from wrong even at 2 years old. The wife had him on the bunker as she was putting away the food shopping and he got hold of the 4 pint of milk and started slowly pushing it towards the end of the bunker. The wife would tell him to stop but he kept smiling edging it closer and closer. Just as the wife went to grab the milk he throws it on the floor and it exploded everywhere. I must admit I did laugh when she told me the story and when I came home from work he was quieter than usual. Turns out he was put in the corner (some random part of the house which the wife immediately proclaimed the naughty corner) but he just kept running about thinking it was a game. He was then put in his cot and went apeshit. Thankfully he said 'sorry' off his own back so he must have realised he had done wrong. I'm not sure if they know what "sorry" means at that age, but they have heard their parents say "Say you're sorry" and when they do things are back to normal, so they just say it. Eventually they understand what "sorry" means, of course. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven Seagal Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 So we had the scan. It went okay - the scan showed that the amniotic band is quite far over to one side and so far the baby doesn't seem to have had any dealings with it. All fingers, toes and limbs present and correct. Very wriggly. Things are not going well between my wife and I, though. My wife says she is finding it very difficult to trust me. In her eyes (and not entirely without reason) she thinks I should have had all this nipped in the bud with my mum months and months ago. But I didn't as I tried to keep everyone happy, and now of course it has escalated and this has happened. My wife is incredibly angry that my mum and aunts have ganged up on her. And I can understand why. I really hope this all blows over. The thought of losing my family over this terrifies me. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 So we had the scan. It went okay - the scan showed that the amniotic band is quite far over to one side and so far the baby doesn't seem to have had any dealings with it. All fingers, toes and limbs present and correct. Very wriggly. Things are not going well between my wife and I, though. My wife says she is finding it very difficult to trust me. In her eyes (and not entirely without reason) she thinks I should have had all this nipped in the bud with my mum months and months ago. But I didn't as I tried to keep everyone happy, and now of course it has escalated and this has happened. My wife is incredibly angry that my mum and aunts have ganged up on her. And I can understand why. I really hope this all blows over. The thought of losing my family over this terrifies me. I'm glad that everything went well at the scan. At least for now that's one thing off your mind. I know absolutely nothing about amniotic bands, but I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. Your wife's hormones will be going apeshit just now. In my own experience, even without the stress of a complicated pregnancy women tend to go from zero to 60 faster than a Ferrari, so whilst it's important to listen to what she's saying, I would probably take what she's been saying about splitting up with a pinch of salt. I believe I have rumbled your alias, and if so, then you're a very reasonable and sensible bloke, so I really cannot see her chucking everything you have away over something like this. If I were you right now, I would be supporting my wife 100%. If this continues with your mum/aunt, then I would potentially look at nursery/childminder options in the near future, if you feel that things cannot be repaired between all parties fairly quickly. Your wife's feelings have to come first and foremost, and even if you think she's wrong, then I probably would advise against voicing them at the moment, and going along with what she is suggesting, even if you do feel that it is unreasonable. In my experience these things tend to resolve themselves over time. I wish you all the very best. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuggie_Murray7 Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Best course of action IMO is supporting the mother if your kids. Always the priority. Anything else tends to fall into place after that. Going gainst her fucks everything up even more. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 In my experience these things tend to resolve themselves over time. I wish you all the very best. Not in my experience of family disputes. They usually blow over, but they can fester and simmer and escalate and last for years. Let's hope this one settles. Best course of action IMO is supporting the mother if your kids. Always the priority. Anything else tends to fall into place after that. Going gainst her fucks everything up even more. You have to take your wife's side - even if she is wrong. (Not saying she is wrong in this instance, btw.) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greenlantern Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Some good advice given on here (quite refreshing for P&B actually) and this can be a great source of comfort to people going through similar circumstances. I’m also a new recruit to Parenthood and like most I’ve found it wonderfully life changing experience and very rewarding, but it can put a lot of stress and strain on a relationship. The missus has a very sharp tongue and in the early stages, not long after childbirth, she has on many occasions issued threats of separation. Mainly in the heat of the moment, when tempers have clouded judgement. I tend to just roll with the punches (quite literally) and attempt to diffuse the situation, which can be seen as ‘throwing in the towel’ but I see it as a compromise. At times I get increasingly worried about her emotional state, I’m very supportive and as much as I get criticised, I do a lot for both Mother and Baby. We’ve explored the whole post natal depression thing, but we came to the joint conclusion she’s just being a mardy cow! Honestly though, if I can give any advice, just throw your arms around her now and then, show her that you appreciate everything she does and you understand how difficult it must be in her shoes. Families just want to be seen as doing their best for the child, even if it doesn’t fit in with your requirements. Acknowledge their input and set the record straight with your own guidelines, talk it through. Nothing is perfect and as much as you try, life, families and Parenthood will throw curveballs at you. It’s tough going, but you’ll soon become a master mediator and formidable firefighter! Good luck to all in this amazing journey. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.