Lisa Cuddy Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 Just now, keithgy said: I have finally found out where Ben's so called father is and I even have a phone number for him(thank you Facebook) the problem I have is do I phone it and tell him to man up and meet his son or just accept the fact he wants nothing to do with Ben? Or the even better option just beat the crap out of him just because I can? You leave well alone and let him and Ben's mother deal with it. They're adults, they made him, entirely their business. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Dufresne Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 2 minutes ago, Lisa Cuddy said: You leave well alone and let him and Ben's mother deal with it. They're adults, they made him, entirely their business. It will break my heart when Ben asks who is dad is and we have to tell him his dad didn't want to know him. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RH33 Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 If your daughter provides a stable base for her children then the child will be able to deal with it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Cuddy Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 5 minutes ago, keithgy said: It will break my heart when Ben asks who is dad is and we have to tell him his dad didn't want to know him. It will, but you don't need the added stress and guilt of knowing you scared him off as well. Lots of kids have lone parents, he's not going to be alone in that. He has a family that worship him, and that will be enough to get him through. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 It will break my heart when Ben asks who is dad is and we have to tell him his dad didn't want to know him. It's been covered elsewhere but do your best not to badmouth dickhead in front of Ben as it'll likely have the opposite effect. If he asks about him (which chances are he won't until he's of an age where you explain it to him and he'll understand) just be honest but in as conservative a way as possible. Both my sister-in-laws are in similar situations. One of them has never had anything to do with my nephew. The wee fella is 9 now and I've never ever heard him ask about the dickhead who provided the sperm. So Ben may not even bother tbh. My SIL has had a new man for about 5 years and the wee fella dotes on him so I can't see him ever wanting to know the dickhead. The other SIL's ex does have my niece a couple of times a week but he's just a complete waste of space. He never buys her anything and has her for as less time as possible. He's in a relationship now and I reckon it won't be long before he stops bothering. That situation is worse though as the wee one loves him but she'll figure him out in time. It's hard to see but as long as Ben's family who are there are showing him plenty of love and support (which obviously you are) then it's that dick's loss and not Ben's. Lisa's advice is spot on. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PB 4.2 Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 Absolutely no surprise to see Keith advocating mindless thuggery, and no surprise to read Lisa's rational response. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Dufresne Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 1 minute ago, PB 4.2 said: Absolutely no surprise to see Keith advocating mindless thuggery, and no surprise to read Lisa's rational response. Take your bitterness elsewhere old chap. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PB 4.2 Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 1 minute ago, keithgy said: Take your bitterness elsewhere old chap. ..........said your daughter when you offered to physically assault your grandsons' father. I utterly detest criminals. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PB 4.2 Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 1 minute ago, keithgy said: And rightly so,what about people who bring children into the world but can walk away from them without a care in the world? Then it tells everyone that he's a low-life, and affirms that the bairn would be best served without him. Kids are innocent and special. He's missing out and doesn't deserve interaction and it's best to leave things that way - as you've been previously adviced. Physically attacking him would be counterproductive, let the authorities deal with the financials and enjoy your grandson for what he's got; not what he's missing out on. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Dufresne Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 7 minutes ago, PB 4.2 said: Then it tells everyone that he's a low-life, and affirms that the bairn would be best served without him. Kids are innocent and special. He's missing out and doesn't deserve interaction and it's best to leave things that way - as you've been previously adviced. Physically attacking him would be counterproductive, let the authorities deal with the financials and enjoy your grandson for what he's got; not what he's missing out on. I know you don't like me and that is up to you,but by god that is the most the most sensible post you have made on P&B,i would do anything for Ben as I love the wee man,when he cuddles into me that makes me want to cry. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homer Thompson Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 46 minutes ago, 19QOS19 said: It's been covered elsewhere but do your best not to badmouth dickhead in front of Ben as it'll likely have the opposite effect. If he asks about him (which chances are he won't until he's of an age where you explain it to him and he'll understand) just be honest but in as conservative a way as possible. Both my sister-in-laws are in similar situations. One of them has never had anything to do with my nephew. The wee fella is 9 now and I've never ever heard him ask about the dickhead who provided the sperm. So Ben may not even bother tbh. My SIL has had a new man for about 5 years and the wee fella dotes on him so I can't see him ever wanting to know the dickhead. The other SIL's ex does have my niece a couple of times a week but he's just a complete waste of space. He never buys her anything and has her for as less time as possible. He's in a relationship now and I reckon it won't be long before he stops bothering. That situation is worse though as the wee one loves him but she'll figure him out in time. It's hard to see but as long as Ben's family who are there are showing him plenty of love and support (which obviously you are) then it's that dick's loss and not Ben's. Lisa's advice is spot on. Any more mumsnet-esque abbreviations and I'll be sending Keith round to sort you out 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 Any more mumsnet-esque abbreviations and I'll be sending Keith round to sort you out It's too much hassle having to change to symbols and back on the mobile! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heedthebaa Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 1 hour ago, keithgy said: I have finally found out where Ben's so called father is and I even have a phone number for him(thank you Facebook) the problem I have is do I phone it and tell him to man up and meet his son or just accept the fact he wants nothing to do with Ben? Or the even better option just beat the crap out of him just because I can? The elation of twattin him wouldn’t last Keith and I presume would be against the wishes of both your wife and daughter. As hard as it is, just let it lie, when the day comes that he asks about his dad, I’m sure you will all deal with it in his best interests 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PB 4.2 Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 30 minutes ago, keithgy said: I know you don't like me and that is up to you,but by god that is the most the most sensible post you have made on P&B,i would do anything for Ben as I love the wee man,when he cuddles into me that makes me want to cry. Everyone starts with a clean slate. You've admitted that you banned me although I never received a warning point or anything. Your action from 2010-2015 was out of order and I've never had a full and frank apology and while the doctors were great it was 5 years of self-harm and downsizing. I'm sure we can all relate to your "Ben" moments where your housing this young bundle of love. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 51 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: I don't think Keith is actually considering battering the guy tbf. Booo. Go Keith. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lichtie23 Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 If the guy is a bit of a scumbag it makes me think he will end up going to the Polis and getting you lifted. No point risking that Keith IMO. You seem a good guy 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PB 4.2 Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 (edited) 1 hour ago, keithgy said: Or the even better option just beat the crap out of him 58 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: I don't think Keith is actually considering battering the guy tbf. You're a moron. Edited November 10, 2017 by PB 4.2 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 I'd suggest the satisfaction from raising the boy yourself should far outweigh any you'd get from confronting an absent father, with the added bonus of precluding him from ever feeling like any paternal figure was absent in his life. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heedthebaa Posted November 11, 2017 Share Posted November 11, 2017 28 minutes ago, PB 4.2 said: You're a moron. *Your 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PB 4.2 Posted November 11, 2017 Share Posted November 11, 2017 1 minute ago, heedthebaa said: *Your You're also a moron. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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