Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 7 minutes ago, GordonD said: Hope they rinsed the camera off in between. Whits fur ye, won't go bye ye. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 3 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: I hope you choke on your breakfast in the morning. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 7 hours ago, Deontay WildPar said: Nice. Good luck anyway. See if you can get the procedure filmed. Post procedure update: Endoscopy got predictably cancelled as I've got a broken jaw from last weekend. Colonscopy went ahead which I intended to watch but the sedation knocked me the f**k out, much like my assailant last weekend. The nurses brought me 2 x vanilla yoghurts, a fruit cocktail and a cup of coffee. I have never appreciated food so much in my life. I was like Eddie Murphy in Raw describing eating a cracker when you haven't eaten in ages. An absolute taste sensation. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 Radio phone in this morning "How are you spoiling your pets this Christmas?"Some muppet tells us she's arranged a psychic reading for her two dogs. A psychic reading. For her dogs. And it's costing 120 dollerydoos per dog!I'm in the wrong business. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 38 minutes ago, Dee Man said: Post procedure update: Endoscopy got predictably cancelled as I've got a broken jaw from last weekend. Colonscopy went ahead which I intended to watch but the sedation knocked me the f**k out, much like my assailant last weekend. The nurses brought me 2 x vanilla yoghurts, a fruit cocktail and a cup of coffee. I have never appreciated food so much in my life. I was like Eddie Murphy in Raw describing eating a cracker when you haven't eaten in ages. An absolute taste sensation. Did we know you'd been assailed, I must have missed it? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 16 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said: Did we know you'd been assailed, I must have missed it? The Ozzie Prozzies are finally fighting back. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 12 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: The Ozzie Prozzies are finally fighting back. Swimming pool recently concreted over chez Dee Man. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 42 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said: Did we know you'd been assailed, I must have missed it? Na, I hadn't mentioned it until now. Knowing the high empathy levels of each and every poster on here I thought I'd save all my poor me stories for the same time so I could milk the maximum sympathy which will definitely be coming my way. I got blindsided in a club last weekend at 2am and got my jaw broken in 2 places. Woke up in hospital the next morning getting my eye stitched back together. No recollection of what happened. Poor c**t's fist must be in agony. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellaboz Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 What did you say to Smudger to make him do that? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archie McSquackle Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 I've mentioned this before. Did both on the same day without anaesthetic. The NHS line that divides "some discomfort" from gut wrenching agony is higher than where I would draw it. Best part was after it. I was put in a side room to recover. Unsurprisingly I needed the toilet. While I was in shiting rings round myself, I could hear the nurse calling "where are you?" "Where do you think I am, after a colonoscopy?"Yeah, I got both done on the same visit but think I only got sedation for the endoscopy as it helps reduce the resistance as the camera goes down the throat. Didn't seem to be bothered about the other end - just plenty of lubricant and away they went. Started drinking the solution the previous morning and spent the day between the kitchen and bathroom- as someone else said, have plenty of reading material to hand!I missed the Motherwell v Celtic game that evening as I didn't have the confidence to be far from a toilet. Spent the evening pacing up and down, listening to the radio waiting for the inevitable last minute penalty and equaliser. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 1 hour ago, Stellaboz said: What did you say to Smudger to make him do that? Probably slagged off Morrissey. Or Coronation Street. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hk blues Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 1 hour ago, Dee Man said: Na, I hadn't mentioned it until now. Knowing the high empathy levels of each and every poster on here I thought I'd save all my poor me stories for the same time so I could milk the maximum sympathy which will definitely be coming my way. I got blindsided in a club last weekend at 2am and got my jaw broken in 2 places. Woke up in hospital the next morning getting my eye stitched back together. No recollection of what happened. Poor c**t's fist must be in agony. Aye. aye...but was she a Wid? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 1 hour ago, Dee Man said: Na, I hadn't mentioned it until now. Knowing the high empathy levels of each and every poster on here I thought I'd save all my poor me stories for the same time so I could milk the maximum sympathy which will definitely be coming my way. I got blindsided in a club last weekend at 2am and got my jaw broken in 2 places. Woke up in hospital the next morning getting my eye stitched back together. No recollection of what happened. Poor c**t's fist must be in agony. You've had quite a rough year. You should take better care of yourself. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 50 minutes ago, Stellaboz said: What did you say to Smudger to make him do that? I would never say a bad word to Smudger and he knows it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 5 hours ago, Dee Man said: Endoscopy got predictably cancelled as I've got a broken jaw from last weekend. Colonscopy went ahead which I intended to watch but the sedation knocked me the f**k out, much like my assailant last weekend. Look on the bright side - better that than the colonoscopy being cancelled because of injuries you received when you were assaulted. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bully Wee Villa Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 2 hours ago, Dee Man said: Na, I hadn't mentioned it until now. Knowing the high empathy levels of each and every poster on here I thought I'd save all my poor me stories for the same time so I could milk the maximum sympathy which will definitely be coming my way. I got blindsided in a club last weekend at 2am and got my jaw broken in 2 places. Woke up in hospital the next morning getting my eye stitched back together. No recollection of what happened. Poor c**t's fist must be in agony. Bloody Hell, I knew every single animal in Australia was a potential killer but wasn't aware that it applied to the people, too. Sending hugs across the ocean xx 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 2 hours ago, Deontay WildPar said: You've had quite a rough year. You should take better care of yourself. To be fair to myself, the broken back/herniated disc and the reason for the colonoscopy were medical issues that couldn't be foreseen/avoided. I'm off to the copshop this weekend to view the cctv footage of the incident and find out exactly WTF happened, and then I'll decide whether that situation could have been foreseen/avoided. The other guy has admitted the assault and been charged so I'm guessing it was wrong time, wrong place. Told a few guys at work what club I was in and they asked me why the f**k I'd gone there so perhaps a poor choice of drinking establishment in the first place. In the meantime, I got a phonecall while I was at the hospital today from the other hospital I was admitted to last weekend telling me the eye doctor has booked me in for an urgent appointment after reviewing my eye scan. I'm beginning to think I've been getting wide with Deontay Wilder if all this damage has been done with one punch. I am going to be fucking gutted if this footage shows me getting decked by some little skinny 16 year old. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 3 minutes ago, Dee Man said: To be fair to myself, the broken back/herniated disc and the reason for the colonoscopy were medical issues that couldn't be foreseen/avoided. I'm off to the copshop this weekend to view the cctv footage of the incident and find out exactly WTF happened, and then I'll decide whether that situation could have been foreseen/avoided. The other guy has admitted the assault and been charged so I'm guessing it was wrong time, wrong place. Told a few guys at work what club I was in and they asked me why the f**k I'd gone there so perhaps a poor choice of drinking establishment in the first place. In the meantime, I got a phonecall while I was at the hospital today from the other hospital I was admitted to last weekend telling me the eye doctor has booked me in for an urgent appointment after reviewing my eye scan. I'm beginning to think I've been getting wide with Deontay Wilder if all this damage has been done with one punch. I am going to be fucking gutted if this footage shows me getting decked by some little skinny 16 year old. Probably caught you fingering his sheila in the bogs. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 2 hours ago, Bully Wee Villa said: Bloody Hell, I knew every single animal in Australia was a potential killer 5 minutes ago, Dee Man said: I am going to be fucking gutted if this footage shows me getting decked by some little skinny 16 year old. Early stills of he event now released: 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 3 minutes ago, welshbairn said: Probably caught you fingering his sheila in the dunny. FTFY 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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