Zetterlund Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 Reminds me of an English lass I used to go out with. I made the admittedly dreadful decision to go shopping with her and her mate, an expedition which lasted about 6 hours. My girlfriend tried a dress on in one of the first shops we went into, and returned a further twice to try it on again, still undecided, before eventually deciding at the end of the day she didn't like the colour. Not sure if she expected it to magically change colour each time she returned to view it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 15 hours ago, whiskychimp said: Truly awful. Decided it was her lucky night. Watching a film and I thought I'll go down on her. Got her pants off and was about to dive in. Was met with " I've just taken a huge shit" At least she warned you, man. She's a keeper. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harry94 Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 "I'm not sure if I'm right or not but does Walter Smith not own Walmart"She then thought I was using my phone to check that. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 42 minutes ago, harry94 said: "I'm not sure if I'm right or not but does Walter Smith not own Walmart" She then thought I was using my phone to check that. Hopefully you were using it to book her in to a clinic in Switzerland 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chomp my root Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 1 hour ago, DA Baracus said: Hopefully you were using it to book her in to a clinic in Switzerland Ah, so its their mind's your interested in. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 I'm a very cerebral man 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 I'm a very cerebral man More of a breast man myself but each to their own 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
True Saintee Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 Missus and I were at a bar for a (soft) drink with the wee man at the weekend. "How old is he?" says the barmaid. "Just over 15 weeks" replies the missus. "Ahhh, so 2 months then" BM Sorry what. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ2 Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 Missus and I were at a bar for a (soft) drink with the wee man at the weekend. "How old is he?" says the barmaid. "Just over 15 weeks" replies the missus. "Ahhh, so 2 months then" BM Sorry what. January is a long fucker of a month to be fair 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chomp my root Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 2 hours ago, DA Baracus said: I'm a very cerebral man Very much the impression I get. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShaggysBeard Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 "Is a swan a duck or a bird?" 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ziggy Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 “Graham Norton’s not gay is he?” 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weirdcal Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 “Graham Norton’s not gay is he?” Jesus. My wife's sister asked if the Graham Norton River walk in bandon was named after him.. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shotgun Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 As you may have heard; the winter Olympics are on. The Light of my Life is currently watching the downhill skiing. I'm not. They just flashed up a graphic saying the skier was doing 67.1 mph. LomL: 67 miles per hour. Is that miles or kilometres? Me: You just said it was miles. LomL: Right, but isn't it kilometres? Me: I didn't see it but if it said miles, then it's miles. LomL: But don't they use kilometres in Korea? I'm going to get myself a drink. Anybody want anything? 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 “Do trams go in both directions? I guess they must do otherwise you’d never get back from where you’re going”. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 “I just puked on my Fitbit”. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 53 minutes ago, Shandon Par said: “I just puked on my Fitbit”. That's the dog's breakfast taken care of. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Had a horrible feeling that this was a horrific new term for a lady's personal, private area. Happy for Shandon that this turned out not to be the case. Nobody needs that mental image. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Texts from babes. First to correctly interpret Bostbif gareten wins a coconut: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEADOWXI Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Not my babe but was walking past pub earlier....Couple wandering out, and a bloke walks out behind and shouts excuse me, As they turn he waves a handbag. Girl walks back and takes it.As I pass the couple now reunited with the bag I heard her say to her other half;How the f**k could you let me forget my fucking handbag........Female logic is amazing 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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