smpar Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 Went to a pub quiz last night, one question asked for the first planet in our solar system, alphabetically. I said Earth, she wasn’t so sure. “No, isn’t there a planet called anus?” 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaltandPepe Posted October 20, 2019 Share Posted October 20, 2019 Had a night out a few years ago now and a ditzy girl apologised for being late as she had to stop for petrol.Ah which one did you use?I went to Mexico!She meant texaco! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted October 20, 2019 Share Posted October 20, 2019 On 18/10/2019 at 07:27, smpar said: Went to a pub quiz last night, one question asked for the first planet in our solar system, alphabetically. I said Earth, she wasn’t so sure. “No, isn’t there a planet called anus?” If that wasn't an invitation I'm way too optimistic. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derry Alli Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 A boy and his missus were having a conversation on how to lock/unlock some type of spray. Guy : "Clockwise locks it, anti clockwise opens it" Girl : "How am I supposed to know what way is clockwise?" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 Mrs Par... "How do these.. .. folk breathe in the fire without burning themselves?" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shotgun Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 The light of my life was struggling to cut her steak with the restaurant-provided knife last night. Which seemed odd because it was a nice looking steak and certainly, was expensive enough. Turned out it was just a non-traditional blade shape and she was trying to cut with the blunt edge. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellaboz Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 She should be back on the spaghetti hoops for that. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bold Rover Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 1 hour ago, Shotgun said: The light of my life was struggling to cut her steak with the restaurant-provided knife last night. Which seemed odd because it was a nice looking steak and certainly, was expensive enough. Turned out it was just a non-traditional blade shape and she was trying to cut with the blunt edge. Into the mouths of babes thread for his pish. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shotgun Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 She should be back on the spaghetti hoops for that. ^^^^ Big team found. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamieThomas Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 "Listen to this Slade song" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathematics Posted November 3, 2019 Share Posted November 3, 2019 Mrs Mathematics: “Do you get extra points for not getting any yellow or red cards” Me: “No.” Mrs Mathematics: “Well why do they always go on about 3 points and a clean sheet?” Me: “because they’re happy they didn’t concede.” Mrs Mathematics: “wait. Is a clean sheet not about getting no bookings?” 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weirdcal Posted November 3, 2019 Share Posted November 3, 2019 Mrs weird: the monitor in older boys room won't turn onMe: I'll go plug it in for youMrs w: oh haha I'm not that stupid.Me: goes up to older boys room (his monitor only goes on when ill) spots the power is plugged into the lineout and plugs it in to the adaptor hole.Mrs w: did you fix it?Me: it was in the wrong holeMrs w: there's a wrong hole?Me: *blinks* 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellaboz Posted November 3, 2019 Share Posted November 3, 2019 Mrs weird: the monitor in older boys room won't turn onMe: I'll go plug it in for youMrs w: oh haha I'm not that stupid.Me: goes up to older boys room (his monitor only goes on when ill) spots the power is plugged into the lineout and plugs it in to the adaptor hole.Mrs w: did you fix it?Me: it was in the wrong holeMrs w: there's a wrong hole?Me: *blinks* Pump her up the arse next time and ask her if thats still a question. 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weirdcal Posted November 3, 2019 Share Posted November 3, 2019 Pump her up the arse next time and ask her if thats still a question. That's the plan... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted November 3, 2019 Share Posted November 3, 2019 4 hours ago, mathematics said: Mrs Mathematics: “Do you get extra points for not getting any yellow or red cards” Me: “No.” Mrs Mathematics: “Well why do they always go on about 3 points and a clean sheet?” Me: “because they’re happy they didn’t concede.” Mrs Mathematics: “wait. Is a clean sheet not about getting no bookings?” I hope you just got up and left the room to scream into a pillow for an hour? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted November 3, 2019 Share Posted November 3, 2019 2 hours ago, weirdcal said: Mrs weird: the monitor in older boys room won't turn on Me: I'll go plug it in for you Mrs w: oh haha I'm not that stupid. Me: goes up to older boys room (his monitor only goes on when ill) spots the power is plugged into the lineout and plugs it in to the adaptor hole. Mrs w: did you fix it? Me: it was in the wrong hole Mrs w: there's a wrong hole? Me: *blinks* Reminds me of one of my favourite Profinasauras entries. "The Magnificent Seven" ... the sexual act where one ejaculates into all seven orifices "The Magnificent Six" ... as above, but performed on Daniella Westbrook. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted November 5, 2019 Share Posted November 5, 2019 Mrs Mathematics: “Do you get extra points for not getting any yellow or red cards” Me: “No.” Mrs Mathematics: “Well why do they always go on about 3 points and a clean sheet?” Me: “because they’re happy they didn’t concede.” Mrs Mathematics: “wait. Is a clean sheet not about getting no bookings?”Could see why someone might think that tbf 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted November 6, 2019 Share Posted November 6, 2019 Aye I think that's decent logic for someone with no clue about the sport tbf. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted November 17, 2019 Share Posted November 17, 2019 There’s a hotel in Edinburgh that used to have the back end of one of those painted mode cows sticking out of one outside walls. Has gone now. We drove by the other day and she said “they’ve done a good job fixing the hole where the cow went through it”. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the aggressive beggar Posted November 18, 2019 Share Posted November 18, 2019 Watching Britain's Biggest Warship last night - "Can it go underwater as well?" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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