Ross. Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Workmate of my missus can best be described as naive. Their whatsapp group saw someone post the old joke that goes as follows(I quickly googled the joke because I couldn't be fucked typing it all, the below is Americanised but that's irrelevant to the point of this): Quote A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?" The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like -- Mr. Plumber?" A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" "What do I look like -- Mr. Goodwrench?" A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?" "What do I look like -- Bob Vila?" He sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV. One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either. When his wife returned home, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?" She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything. "Wow, did he charge us anything?" "No, he said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him." "Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" "Cake? What the hell do I look like -- Betty Crocker?" Anyway, the colleagues reply was "I don't understand, did she go and buy him a cake?" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernJambo Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Stupidity and a pish joke to boot. Birds min. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernJambo Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 To continue, me and an ex were speaking about actors and she piped up with something along the lines of; "I like that guy with the face he does, you know who I mean". Aye, course I do. Over Christmas, we were watching a film and my step mother kept turning it up, got to the point where it was pretty loud..."aye, but I want to hear the quiet bits as well" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 7 hours ago, Bairnardo said: They are brutal arent they. My one is particularly bad just now due to pregnancy. Get some belters when they are carrying. Congratulations. Hope it all goes okay. I'm retired from that carry-on and carry no threat, having been vasectomied a while back. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 1 minute ago, Bairnardo said: I will be getting the firing pin removed once number 2 comes along It's horrendous. I recommend The Snip thread on here. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bold Rover Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 4 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: No. No no no no no. NO. Yes. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin_Nevis Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Me and the other half were watching some pish on E4 a few weeks back, and that stupid E4 promo/filler thing with the sloths licking stuff comes on. OH: What are those things? Me: Sloths OH: What? Me: SLOTHS OH: Are they real? I mean do they actually exist? Me: OH: No way are those real. You're winding me up. They look fake. Me: *googles info about Sloths* OH: Wow, I really thought they were fake. OH: You've got to admit they look a bit weird. Me: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stimpy Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 No. No no no no no. NO. Yes, and you will read all the posts describing what a piece of piss it is. And the payoff is worth it all, oh yes it is. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bully Wee Villa Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Me and the other half were watching some pish on E4 a few weeks back, and that stupid E4 promo/filler thing with the sloths licking stuff comes on. OH: What are those things? Me: Sloths OH: What? Me: SLOTHS OH: Are they real? I mean do they actually exist? Me: OH: No way are those real. You're winding me up. They look fake. Me: *googles info about Sloths* OH: Wow, I really thought they were fake. OH: You've got to admit they look a bit weird. Me: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zetterlund Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 I overheard a conversation between a girl my Mrs works with and her boss. The girl was basically struggling to comprehend that January 2013 was 4 years ago. Boss: We're talking about January 2013, so 4 years ago. Girl: Well, 3 really. Boss: No, 4. 2013 to 2017. Girl: You can't really count this year though because it's just started. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 2 minutes ago, Zetterlund said: I overheard a conversation between a girl my Mrs works with and her boss. The girl was basically struggling to comprehend that January 2013 was 4 years ago. Boss: We're talking about January 2013, so 4 years ago. Girl: Well, 3 really. Boss: No, 4. 2013 to 2017. Girl: You can't really count this year though because it's just started. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin_Nevis Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Also, does anyone suffer this infuriating nonsense with their OH when watching something on Sky+? *something relatively innocuous happens in TV drama show* OH: Oh do you think X actually killed Y, or are we just supposed to think that? Me: *shrug of shoulders* OH: Oh can you rewind that a bit I didn't hear what she said. Me: STOP ASKING DAFT FUCKING QUESTIONS OVER THE TOP OF THE DIALOGUE THEN (in my head) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bully Wee Villa Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 I always used to just rewind, not say a word, and put the subtitles on when she did that. Mind you, I am single now. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whiskychimp Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 9 hours ago, jupe1407 said: (in my head) There's your mistake right there. Say it out loud and you'll have a whole weekend of silence to watch whatever you want. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin_Nevis Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 16 minutes ago, whiskychimp said: There's your mistake right there. Say it out loud and you'll have a whole weekend of silence to watch whatever you want. I did this last night when we were watching The Blacklist. For anyone who's watched this, she asked (halfway through Season 3) "So is that guy The Director?". This was the episode where The Director and his agents are trying to open the secure "box" Keen is sitting in. I mean, fucking hell, we've watched the whole lot on Sky Box Sets in the last month FFS and she still didn't understand who he was 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kennboy1978 Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 A few years ago me and an ex were watching Kingpin. We got to the scene where Woody Harrelson is milking a bull. I found this hilarious when he returned with a bucketful. My ex couldn't understand why I found this so funny, until the penny dropped that bulls are male....Another film related piece of daftness was at the end of (the animated) A bugs life. There were a few scenes after the credits of bloopers.Ex: "It's amazing that"Me: "What ?"Ex: "How they get them to do the funny bits" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dogmc Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 I will be getting the firing pin removed once number 2 comes along Worth it....but the local anasthetic is the 7th level of hell....especially by the 3rd one! The leaflets say two to three days of mild discomfort....that's a misprint they mean a week of epic agony. Still worth it though. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 12 hours ago, Zetterlund said: I overheard a conversation between a girl my Mrs works with and her boss. The girl was basically struggling to comprehend that January 2013 was 4 years ago. Boss: We're talking about January 2013, so 4 years ago. Girl: Well, 3 really. Boss: No, 4. 2013 to 2017. Girl: You can't really count this year though because it's just started. post of the year so far. (Not great when you consider its been 2 weeks) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 11 hours ago, Bully Wee Villa said: I always used to just rewind, not say a word, and put the subtitles on when she did that. Mind you, I am single now. Shandon Par seems in the market. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whiskychimp Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 3 hours ago, Kennboy1978 said: me and bbc an ex A lot of extra info there. Do you have a new, well hung boyfriend? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.