School stories

[Deefiant]

A funny one from PE: I mind my swimming teacher, Mr Burnette IIRC, insisted that I wore trunks instead of shorts.

[eez-eh]

Someone shat in the urinal at primary school once.

[smpar]

Someone shat in the urinal at primary school once.

I'd wager that happening at an alarmingly high percentage of Scottish schools actually.

[D.A.F.C]

Putting a magnesium ribbon inside a fag to give to one of the scroungers at lunch.

He couldn't see for about ten mins.

When those little swear box things came out. Guy who always had the latest toy or gadget brought one in, we dared him to press it during tech drawing. He chickens out then half way through the lesson all you hear is "eat shit eat shit you're an asshole" it went off by itself.

Pretty tame stuff but did see a few mental fights between the town and Oakley etc.

[JamieStevenson]

When Mr McKeown lost his shit because someone used a white board pen on his brand new Smart board. Chaos!

[AMMjag]

A bat-shit mental goth lassie who used to buy mini tubs of pringles from the ice cream van, then dip them in dog shit before eating them.

[Waspy]

When Mr McKeown lost his shit because someone used a white board pen on his brand new Smart board. Chaos!

I think that happened quite a lot when they first came out, very confusing.

[DDcups]

Someone shat in the urinal at primary school once.

Probably the janitor

[Sweet Pete]

A bat-shit mental goth lassie who used to buy mini tubs of pringles from the ice cream van, then dip them in dog shit before eating them.

 

[Dindeleux]

 I've got a few more to tell which I might share if the thread gathers pace

 

Finally after 4 years I've decided to share some more of my stories with you.  Trying my best to avoid the things that are most likely done at every school.

 

School in question - Kilwinning Academy

Time period - 1997-2003 

 

We had a year-head (or assistant head teacher) called Mr Deans.  Mr Deans was like an effeminate Mr Bean.  He was actually one of the soundest Heads in our school but we of course called him all of the best homophobic slurs out of ear shot.  Anyway, our school got the fences put up around it after Dunblane and we had what must've been a 6 foot fence outside our history/geography department.  Our school introduced lunch time registration which was a 5 minute reg period after lunch and I was walking back to school with a boy called John and a few other guys.  We were late back but my class was in this building whereas John's reg class was at the other side of the school.   He had the choice of walking round and being late or climbing the fence and making regi.

 

Of course he took the option of climbing the fence..  It was raining a bit and whilst climbing he slipped and fell off the fence.  I thought he was just kind of hanging by his bag and his crys for help were obviously ignored by me and the other boys with our reasoning being that we were late for registration.  I went into my reg class and, laughing, advised my classmates what had happened.  Everyone at school talked shit so I didn't get a great reaction as the class must've assumed I'd made it up.

 

When reg finished I led a group back to the fence but before we even got outside you could tell something was happening - there was excitement in the air.  As we emerged from the building we could see John crying and hanging from the fence with the bold Mr Deans with his hands on his bum propping him up.

 

 

It turned out that when John slipped his knee (he was a skinny guy) got caught in the gaps between the fence and as his body weight twisted his knee dislocated.  So he was hanging there with a dislocated knee, screaming in pain with "Gay Deans" squeezing his bum.  His knee was completely stuck and they had to get the fire brigade and ambulance out to get him out the fence. The entire school was out looking at this due to when it was and the teachers just had no chance of getting us back into class.  

 

It truly was a glorious day, this will have been about 16/17 years ago now and it remains as such a strong memory in my life.

[Dindeleux]

We had a french teacher called Mrs Barr who was classed as one of the old dragons of the school and everyone hated publicly.  In reality she was one of the ok teachers and wouldn't get upset by stuff as easily as other teachers.  I saw pupils telling her to "f**k off" and similar levels of cheek in class and she would often just take it and give it back "You are nothing young man!! Don't you dare speak to me like that".  This was obviously better than getting sent to the "offices" as they were known in our school so whilst we hated this teacher as she would dish out homework/punnys etc as a measure of revenge against us there seemed to be a slight level of respect from us.  Discussions around teachers when we were out at night time etc would usually lead to claims of "Barrs awrite".  And she was.

 

 

Jerome Vareille of Kilmarnock fame came to our school to do some football coaching in PE and he happened to visit the french department too and got his picture taking with Mrs Barr.  This was displayed in a locked wall cabinet in the French corridor which one day we noticed it was left open - so the picture was duly stolen.  Someone took it upon themselves to download a pornographic picture (early days of internet so this was a major thing that we could access porn so easily) of a man and woman fornicating and then glued both Mrs Barr and Jerome Varielles head from the original picture onto the graphic image.

 

Somehow this photo made its way to me in her French class and the plan was to stick it to her blackboard during the lesson.  In order to do this my masterplan was for my mates at the back of the class to get her to the back of the room and facing away from me whilst I quickly pinned the picture to the board.  Of course this plan didn't quite work and I wasn't quite the 007 figure that I thought I was so when I turned around after pinning it up she was looking right at me.  The whole class was in uproar.

 

 

She did send me to the offices that day and I got a pink slip which was like a final warning before suspension.

[Tom Rogic]

 

 

She did send me to the offices that day and I got a pink slip .

[Dindeleux]

You are sex obsessed Magee.

[Markka]

We had a french teacher called Mrs Barr who was classed as one of the old dragons of the school and everyone hated publicly. In reality she was one of the ok teachers and wouldn't get upset by stuff as easily as other teachers. I saw pupils telling her to "f**k off" and similar levels of cheek in class and she would often just take it and give it back "You are nothing young man!! Don't you dare speak to me like that". This was obviously better than getting sent to the "offices" as they were known in our school so whilst we hated this teacher as she would dish out homework/punnys etc as a measure of revenge against us there seemed to be a slight level of respect from us. Discussions around teachers when we were out at night time etc would usually lead to claims of "Barrs awrite". And she was.

Ah, Mrs Barr, KA legend. I started at Kilwinning a year after you and must have been one of very few pupils never to have been taught by her, not in French and not as a stand-in either.

Saw her a few years after leaving school on a flight to Milan, leading my fellow alumni mate to shout at full pelt "IT'S MRS BARR!!!!" which made the rest of the passengers think he was a bit of a mental.

Remember your mates incident well too, was hilarious at the time!

[Dindeleux]

Ah, Mrs Barr, KA legend. I started at Kilwinning a year after you and must have been one of very few pupils never to have been taught by her, not in French and not as a stand-in either.

Saw her a few years after leaving school on a flight to Milan, leading my fellow alumni mate to shout at full pelt "IT'S MRS BARR!!!!" which made the rest of the passengers think he was a bit of a mental.

Remember your mates incident well too, was hilarious at the time!

Aye I'm pretty sure I know you due to your ardeer connections.

[Tom Rogic]

Got thinking earlier about my schooldays and, if anyone here also went to St Modans in Stirling they may recall the creepy alki Modern Studies teacher from the 80's and 90's Mr Cusack?

Dirty old fucker used to constantly 'drop' his pen right next to various lassies desks so he have to bend down in front of them to pick it up, clearly to have a gaze up their skirts in the process, loads of folk noticed it, incredible that no questions were asked of his suitability as a teacher

[smpar]

Probably didn't even happen tbf. 

[Hedgecutter]

On 20/04/2016 at 15:54, mizfit said:

Someone in tech licked their finger and stuck it in a socket for a dare.

20 minutes later he was wrapped in tinfoil being taken to PRI to be seen too.

My tech teacher seemed to have a policy of not handing out punnies, but instead humiliating folk by getting them to hug a big wooden box at the front of the class. 

One of my classmates had the misfortune of acting the goat at the start of a double period. Hugged that box for at least an hour, the immortal line from the teacher being "Gary Booooooth! Don't just hold that boax, hug it, love it! Love the boax" (read this in a deep, strong Fife accent).

He also had a pride-of-place newspaper pin-up of an old league table with the Pars being top of the Premier Division. P1 W1 D0 L0.

Edited March 29, 2021 by Hedgecutter

[KnightswoodBear]

My tech teacher seemed to have a policy of not handing out punnies, but instead humiliating folk by getting them to hug a big wooden box by the front of the class. He would probably have done that to him/her.

One of my mates had the misfortune of acting the goat at the start of a double period. Hugged that box for at least an hour, the immortal line from the teacher being "Gary Booooooth! Don't just hold that boax, hug it, love it! Love the boax."

 

One of my mates had a PE teacher, Mr Urquart.  Smoked like a chimney and constantly stoated about in one of those old school C.C.C.P style red tracksuits.

 

My mates class were doing javelin and one of his classmates, Willie Brown, was struggling to get his technique right.  Mr Urquart pulled him up in front of the class and tried to demonstrate how taut his arm should be by asking him to pull on his finger (f**k knows, he was mental).

 

This resulted in the immortal line that we all still quote to this day of "PULL MY FINGER, WILLIE BROWN!!!" which he started shouting at the understandably sceptical pupil.

Edited April 22, 2016 by KnightswoodBear

[Hedgecutter]

To add to the ever growing list of psycho teachers above.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-north-east-orkney-shetland-56521877

A pupil support assistant was "horrified" when she saw a primary school teacher sit on a young child while continuing to take the class, a court has heard.

The pupil support assistant said the boy was "going mad" during the alleged incident in 2019.

The witness told procurator fiscal depute Lynne MacVicar that the teacher was sitting on the boy with her knees on his arms - meaning he could not move - and continuing to teach the class.