EdgarusQPFC Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 (edited) This night is becoming interesting, messaged you Eoin Doyle Edited October 16, 2014 by EdgarusQPFC 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
die hard doonhamer Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 I don't think I have depression, but I don't know where else to put this, and I need to vent. I'm 22, married to the girl I've loved since school and have 2 amazing children, I'm currently studying a subject I enjoy, have an alright job, and referee football on the side (which I enjoy immensely). However, most of the time when I'm at home I feel like I have a short fuse, and I spend a huge amount of time staring at my phone (to the extent I think I have an addiction to it). I feel like I have no friends. I kept trying to keep in contact but my friendships appeared to be a 1 way street, so unsurprisingly when I stopped making the effort it means we don't speak anymore. I feel like I want to move somewhere else and start again, but that also terrifies me. That seems like a real word salad. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raidernation Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 For the second time in 2 weeks I collapsed at school today. From finding nothing despite a shit-load of tests last time, this time they think they know what's wrong, apparently I have a tumour in my stomach (explains the lethargy and lack of appetite) Did a biopsy and will let me know "Within 24 hrs" if it's malignant or not. Safe to say I am not in a good place right now! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
underdogunderdog underdog Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 For the second time in 2 weeks I collapsed at school today. From finding nothing despite a shit-load of tests last time, this time they think they know what's wrong, apparently I have a tumour in my stomach (explains the lethargy and lack of appetite) Did a biopsy and will let me know "Within 24 hrs" if it's malignant or not. Safe to say I am not in a good place right now! Hope it's nothing too serious. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I had a really creepy dream last night where I was having a meal and sharing experiences with Robin Williams, talking about the last few months of feeling really down during unemployment and the way forward which didn't involve dying. You'd think that with s**t like you'd catch on to it being a dream, but alas no. Lucid dream opportunity squandered. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JogaBonito Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 For the second time in 2 weeks I collapsed at school today. From finding nothing despite a shit-load of tests last time, this time they think they know what's wrong, apparently I have a tumour in my stomach (explains the lethargy and lack of appetite) Did a biopsy and will let me know "Within 24 hrs" if it's malignant or not. Safe to say I am not in a good place right now! Wishing you all the best. I'm pretty sure you mentioned that you live in America, so hope everything "paperworks" wise is suitable too - American healthcare seems like a total joke. Hope your daughters aren't too upset and are keeping you company. Human connections can help so much during the down-times. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cracowjambo Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I went to see a occupational therapist recently after I said to someone at work I was going to throw myself out a moving car. I was feeling pretty shit for a while and I always hid from the problem but I've faced up to it and went to see my GP aswell and I've been recommended for counselling. One thing the OT said for me to do was do a course on www.llttf.com it teaches you how to deal with anxiety. Some of the people that post on here should give it a try. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotThePars Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I'm torn between applying back to uni in November but having to go through the process of applying and being interviewed so soon is overwhelming me but I don't think I can wait until 2016 to start the next part of my life and this thought process only ever occurs late into the night when I'm trying to sleep. Great. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Had a bit of a shocker on Saturday night. I was feeling pretty good on Saturday during the day so not even sure where it came from. I had a load of beer in my fridge from previous weekends and ended up drinking most of it, alone, and got pretty drunk. I was watching a DVD where one of the main charcters tries to kill himself as he doesn't like his life and his friends have pretty much abandoned him. I felt that was very much like me. In the film the guy gets to pretty much start over, and I wished I could go back 12 years and just start over. I really feel like I've lost 12 years of my life. This got me really down, and being pretty drunk I decided, for some reason I can't comprehend, to self harm. I ended up making some pretty nasty and deep cuts. This just made me worse and I called a mental health line almost delirious and crying only to pretty much be told to call the NHS and see my GP. I thought, very briefly, about suicide but quickly dismissed it. I don't even know why I self harmed. It's never helped before and it just hurts and leaves me with scars. Yesterday I had to clean drops of blood off the floor. I don't have any bandages or plasters in my flat so thought I would use toilet paper and duct tape to cover the wounds. I didn't want the duct tape to stick to hairs so ended up shaving all my left leg. Absolutely nonsense stuff. What was I thinking?! f**k knows where my head was at. Although I feel a bit better, I still feel not right. I'm at work but just want to quit and go home and sleep. I don't like the job when I feel good and just feel trapped by it and life. I feel I have no purpose and nothing to work towards. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
underdogunderdog underdog Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Had a bit of a shocker on Saturday night. I was feeling pretty good on Saturday during the day so not even sure where it came from. I had a load of beer in my fridge from previous weekends and ended up drinking most of it, alone, and got pretty drunk. I was watching a DVD where one of the main charcters tries to kill himself as he doesn't like his life and his friends have pretty much abandoned him. I felt that was very much like me. In the film the guy gets to pretty much start over, and I wished I could go back 12 years and just start over. I really feel like I've lost 12 years of my life. This got me really down, and being pretty drunk I decided, for some reason I can't comprehend, to self harm. I ended up making some pretty nasty and deep cuts. This just made me worse and I called a mental health line almost delirious and crying only to pretty much be told to call the NHS and see my GP. I thought, very briefly, about suicide but quickly dismissed it. I don't even know why I self harmed. It's never helped before and it just hurts and leaves me with scars. Yesterday I had to clean drops of blood off the floor. I don't have any bandages or plasters in my flat so thought I would use toilet paper and duct tape to cover the wounds. I didn't want the duct tape to stick to hairs so ended up shaving all my left leg. Absolutely nonsense stuff. What was I thinking?! f**k knows where my head was at. Although I feel a bit better, I still feel not right. I'm at work but just want to quit and go home and sleep. I don't like the job when I feel good and just feel trapped by it and life. I feel I have no purpose and nothing to work towards. Have you anyone that you can talk to at all? It might not be easy but you should certainly contact doctor and then seek counselling. What job do you do? Have you considered speaking to a careers advisor? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EdgarusQPFC Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Last few days have been hard, found myself crying for no reason, broke down I work cause I couldn't unlock my PC, spoke with my manager for like a hour, got a emergency doctors appointment, I've been given a 1 week line, anti depressants, a number to phone for councillors 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Last few days have been hard, found myself crying for no reason, broke down I work cause I couldn't unlock my PC, spoke with my manager for like a hour, got a emergency doctors appointment, I've been given a 1 week line, anti depressants, a number to phone for councillors Shit times. Sorry to hear that. Hopefully some time off and speaking to a professional will help. Hope it goes well. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mizfit Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Last few days have been hard, found myself crying for no reason, broke down I work cause I couldn't unlock my PC, spoke with my manager for like a hour, got a emergency doctors appointment, I've been given a 1 week line, anti depressants, a number to phone for councillors One of the best things I done in my last job was take a week off, if I hadn't I would've done something stupid. Try and do something during the day you enjoy and keep your mind off stuff. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 (edited) Have you anyone that you can talk to at all? It might not be easy but you should certainly contact doctor and then seek counselling. What job do you do? Have you considered speaking to a careers advisor? Nah not got anyone I can talk to. Not got a doctor at the moment. Don't even know where the nearest surgery is. I leave my flat at about 07.40 and don't get back until 18.00 so no idea when I'd be able to register. It'a definitely something I should sort though.I do a shitey admin job. Only in my 6th week but I really don't like it and just feel I don't fit in. I don't have anyone at work I can chat with either. Not sure where I could speak to a careers advisor, but something to consider. My mind seems to be functioning a bit better today although I was exhausted at work today and nearly fell asleep a few times. I had to get up for a walk quite a few times just to stave off sleep. I keep fearing I'll be 'found out', even though I'm not sure that I would be all that bothered if I was fired. On lighter note, I shaved my right leg earlier to align it with the left that I mentioned I shaved yesterday when under a 'fog'. Edited October 27, 2014 by DA Baracus 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
underdogunderdog underdog Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Nah not got anyone I can talk to. Not got a doctor at the moment. Don't even know where the nearest surgery is. I leave my flat at about 07.40 and don't get back until 18.00 so no idea when I'd be able to register. It'a definitely something I should sort though. I do a shitey admin job. Only in my 6th week but I really don't like it and just feel I don't fit in. I don't have anyone at work I can chat with either. Not sure where I could speak to a careers advisor, but something to consider. My mind seems to be functioning a bit better today although I was exhausted at work today and nearly fell asleep a few times. I had to get up for a walk quite a few times just to stave off sleep. I keep fearing I'll be 'found out', even though I'm not sure that I would be all that bothered if I was fired. On lighter note, I shaved my right leg earlier to align it with the left that I mentioned I shaved yesterday when under a 'fog'. I'd suggest registering with a doctor is a priority. You need to make the time to do it. I'm sure there are a few on here who would happily talk to you by pm if you want someone to talk to. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EdgarusQPFC Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Nah not got anyone I can talk to. Not got a doctor at the moment. Don't even know where the nearest surgery is. I leave my flat at about 07.40 and don't get back until 18.00 so no idea when I'd be able to register. It'a definitely something I should sort though. I do a shitey admin job. Only in my 6th week but I really don't like it and just feel I don't fit in. I don't have anyone at work I can chat with either. Not sure where I could speak to a careers advisor, but something to consider. My mind seems to be functioning a bit better today although I was exhausted at work today and nearly fell asleep a few times. I had to get up for a walk quite a few times just to stave off sleep. I keep fearing I'll be 'found out', even though I'm not sure that I would be all that bothered if I was fired. On lighter note, I shaved my right leg earlier to align it with the left that I mentioned I shaved yesterday when under a 'fog'. I've been recommended to these guys www.lifelink.org.uk 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I've been recommended to these guys www.lifelink.org.uk Cheers, I'll check it out 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Woolshed Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Cheers, I'll check it out Really hope it all works out for you mate. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JogaBonito Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 (edited) Finally getting round to filling out employment allowance stuff. Completed a questionnaire that's to be returned to ATOS - the name alone is causing me to shit-bricks after hearing all of the horror stories. Haven't heard back from my interview and it's been two weeks. I really should get my thumb out and contact them, but talking on the phone is an absolute nightmare and the thought of rejection alone is fucking terrifying. I'm a 24 year old man ffs.. Edited October 27, 2014 by JogaBonito 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YassinMoutaouakil Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 (edited) I really don't want to sound as cunty as possible but thi thread really does put things in perspective whenever I'm feeling sorry for myself. Really hope everything ends up alright for you all. I'm not sure what use I'd be but I have literally nothing else to do most of the time so I'm always open for a PM. Edited October 27, 2014 by YassinMoutaouakil 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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