Depression

[Michael W]

18 hours ago, DA Baracus said:

Had a bad wobble last weekend that resulted in some stupid shit that I thought was far behind me.

Sadly tainted most of the last week that I had off. It passed in a flash and I was pretty down for most of it until Friday and yesterday (Saturday), which I unfortunately ruined by getting drunk.

Back at work Monday. Dreading it but as I'm still at home it shouldn't be too bad.

Feeling stuck as usual. Just want a rest. Just want away. Not feeling suicidal thankfully. Painfully alone though and feel it can't change.

I feel ashamed when I see what others have to deal with whilst I bleat about my pish. I need to take a break but can't afford it.

Have never subscribed to the viewpoint that we should feel guilty for being depressed, upset etc. because circumstances may not be as bad as someone elses'. Unless you are the worst-affected man in the world, there will always be someone worse off. And realistically, other people's problems are often sadly beyond our control. Nothing wrong with feeling depressed about our own problems if they aren't as severe; it's your own life you're living and you're allowed to be down about what's affecting you. 

I also feel stuck at the moment, or peraps even trapped. I know from previous posts that our viewpoints on working from home are not the same, but the thought of more weeks on end being stuck at my home desk is horrific. The days merge into one and my motivation is about as close to zero as it can be. I've had more than enough of it, frankly. I've been in a pretty shite mood since the Tier 4 was announced, which I think would've been around a week before Christmas or something, can't remember now. 

Someone else mentioned January being a c**t of a month and they are spot on. The dark and miserable nature of it seems all the more apparent from home as well. That we can't actually go out and do anything just compounds it. Going for a walk has been done to death, let alone when it's dark, cold and miserable outside. 

 

[Raidernation]

Oh joy, two kids in two different classes have come down with Covid so, as of today we switch to e learning.
Shite, so it is!

[SecretCEO]

I wonder if the term 'depression' really captures the illness: my experience of it is a feeling of disconnectedness or numbness first, feeling down second.

I had a really bad time with it for a few years, found myself over-thinking all the small things and raking over my past, yet not really being in the present at all, and seeing no future.

A psychologist told me that I should try to think about my life more objectively rather than subjectively scrutinising things - but the odd thing about (only my?) depression was that I couldn't really think subjectively in terms of just being in the moment/mindful of what I was doing, because I was continually in this sort of detached objective mindset of distracted thinking.

I've managed to subdue it over the years by using routine, outdoor exercise, no caffeine and being t-total to iron out my mood swings, and by finding things I am interested in to occupy my mind.

I don't want to have a conversation about it because it still scares me how low the self-analysis can take me, but I hope anyone who has depression holds on and takes the wee steps they need towards a life that suits their needs.

Sorry for diving into your thread.

Edited January 14, 2021 by SecretCEO
Guilt at a term used, and not quite capturing my experience right.

[parsforlife]

I’m in a bit of a rut right now and have been since pre-Christmas.   Pretty sure it’s related to entering tier 4/lockdown. 

I got by through spring/summer doing the odd jobs that normally get neglected and since September have had a decent enough routine,  but that’s been taken away and I’m finding it difficult.

Not wanting to turn this into a Covid thread as there’s a place for that but feel I need to be honest and admit that this is all getting to me.

[8MileBU]

On 10/01/2021 at 21:08, Michael W said:

Have never subscribed to the viewpoint that we should feel guilty for being depressed, upset etc. because circumstances may not be as bad as someone elses'. Unless you are the worst-affected man in the world, there will always be someone worse off. And realistically, other people's problems are often sadly beyond our control. Nothing wrong with feeling depressed about our own problems if they aren't as severe; it's your own life you're living and you're allowed to be down about what's affecting you. 

I also feel stuck at the moment, or peraps even trapped. I know from previous posts that our viewpoints on working from home are not the same, but the thought of more weeks on end being stuck at my home desk is horrific. The days merge into one and my motivation is about as close to zero as it can be. I've had more than enough of it, frankly. I've been in a pretty shite mood since the Tier 4 was announced, which I think would've been around a week before Christmas or something, can't remember now. 

Someone else mentioned January being a c**t of a month and they are spot on. The dark and miserable nature of it seems all the more apparent from home as well. That we can't actually go out and do anything just compounds it. Going for a walk has been done to death, let alone when it's dark, cold and miserable outside. 

Can totally relate to most of this and fully agree there should never be any feeling of guilt attached. Yes, some people’s problems may be worse than yours looking in from the outside - Therein lies the problem though - Its easy to say for someone looking in from the outside because they’re outside, not in your head, being tormented by your own mind. The other reason that nobody should guilt-trip themselves is that it’s important to remind yourself you’re not choosing to feel depressed. If it was a choice then nobody would be depressed.

1 hour ago, parsforlife said:

I’m in a bit of a rut right now and have been since pre-Christmas.   Pretty sure it’s related to entering tier 4/lockdown. 

I got by through spring/summer doing the odd jobs that normally get neglected and since September have had a decent enough routine,  but that’s been taken away and I’m finding it difficult.

Not wanting to turn this into a Covid thread as there’s a place for that but feel I need to be honest and admit that this is all getting to me.

Feeling the same way to some extent. The enforced working from home almost feels like a cross between Groundhog Day and a sentence/punishment. The tasks I’m doing would’ve needed done regardless but are so mind numbingly mundane on a daily basis, and I actually envy the boys in my team who are still able to be out and about doing routine checks. Hardest bit I’m finding is the being out and about several days or most days of the week even though I’m often on my own. Also miss the days there’s social interaction with colleagues out and about. Speaking on Skype or Teams is bollocks in comparison. 

Edited January 13, 2021 by 8MileBU

[Guest TheJTS98]

8 hours ago, parsforlife said:

I’m in a bit of a rut right now and have been since pre-Christmas.   Pretty sure it’s related to entering tier 4/lockdown. 

I got by through spring/summer doing the odd jobs that normally get neglected and since September have had a decent enough routine,  but that’s been taken away and I’m finding it difficult.

Not wanting to turn this into a Covid thread as there’s a place for that but feel I need to be honest and admit that this is all getting to me.

You got it right first time by concentrating on odd jobs and keeping busy etc. It's unnatural for us to have so little to do.

Nothing earth-shattering, but good lockdown practice for me is getting out of bed at a good time, making the bed, having a shower, eating breakfast at the right time etc, then, like you did with odd jobs, get something to do and keep your mind busy.

It could be anything at all, but just work on giving the day some shape.

[Guest TheJTS98]

On 10/01/2021 at 10:34, DA Baracus said:

Had a bad wobble last weekend that resulted in some stupid shit that I thought was far behind me.

Sadly tainted most of the last week that I had off. It passed in a flash and I was pretty down for most of it until Friday and yesterday (Saturday), which I unfortunately ruined by getting drunk.

Been there. Don't hold onto it though, it's done now and just try to make next weekend better.

Don't throw good time after bad beating yourself up for something that's gone.

[Guest TheJTS98]

Not reinventing the wheel here or offering any stunning insight, but I had my worst time for a couple of years a couple of weeks ago and found a simple way to cope almost by accident.

I told one of my mates how I was feeling (never a bad idea) and he didn't try to cheer me up or offer any advice. He just set a time each day where we'd get together on Skype and do that day's Guardian quick crossword. A bunch of us on this thread have been open about problems that aren't about mood and can't be solved by thinking positive or just keeping busy etc, and that's true for me too. But we're now up to 13 days straight of doing the crossword and it's amazing how something so simple can be just the right amount of distraction to provide respite from what's going on in your head.

TL:DR - Tell a pal if you feel shite. Won't solve your problems, but it might help.

Edited January 13, 2021 by TheJTS98

[philpy]

How's everyone doing in light of the current lockdown and latest restrictions?? I'm getting to the point where I'm going to work, coming in, getting my tea and going to bed to sleep, purely because I'm fed up with everything else otherwise. The wife seems to be getting the brunt of my tetchyness, and it's not fair and I feel guilty as f**k. I'm usually the world's most positive person, but right now?? Nope. I phone My parents every second day, which does help me greatly, but it's not the same as seeing them, which is eating away at me as well.

[HoBNob]

On 04/01/2021 at 18:59, Bairnardo said:

I do the morbid thoughts thing a lot
Theres a lot of "what's the point". I seem to have lost the ability to live in the moment and I do put at least some of this down to the loss of my parents. Quite often think whats the point of caring about X or Y we are all on the clock anyway.

I would actually like to take steps to eliminate this. Not sure what wpuld be the way though. Psychiatrist maybe

Having got good news back with regards to the wife's scan (Didn't find anything, still don't know what it is, but it's not on the scan) my feeling of constant anxiousness has eased, no big knot in the pit of my stomach which is a massive relief, what instead seems to have happened is I've almost got this constant malaise, now that I've spent time thinking morbid thoughts about death I can't seem to get it out my head. Not suicidal or anything like that, more along the "what's the point" as alluded to Bairnardo above, or more thinking about how much time I've got left, in my late 20s but thinking there's barely any time left, which I get is totally and utterly illogical. 

 

On 04/01/2021 at 22:23, accies1874 said:

 

Can relate, mostly with socialising. I'm often put off going out as I'm just going to end up back home anyway and when I do go out, I pretty much always end up reaching a stage where I almost dread the idea of it ending.

 

Also this, I'm genuinely glad that the lockdown has kicked in with regards to socialising because I don't think I'd have it in me to go out, due to living down the south of England I keep in touch with my mates up north by groupchats, or firing into the PS and having a few games, I've totally patched the PlayStation because I just can't bring myself to talk to other people, I don't even know why. 

I used to have a really social life, pub on a Tuesday, doing something with mates on a weekend, always texting other mates through the day etc, my wife said to me today that I'd changed allot in a really, really short space of time, she wasn't having a go at me for it, and I agree with her, I just don't get why. 

Struggling with humour in the sense when jokes are ongoing at work etc I feel no wanting, or even not sure what to chime in with. 

[8MileBU]

Random question - Does anyone feel their employer, place of work, management chain, opportunities,  salary, perceived favouritism or anything else work related is the root cause of all their problems and has a massive impact on their mental health?

[Rugster]

6 minutes ago, 8MileBU said:

Random question - Does anyone feel their employer, place of work, management chain, opportunities,  salary, perceived favouritism or anything else work related is the root cause of all their problems and has a massive impact on their mental health?

Definitely  did at one point for me. I had to bite the bullet and give up a company car and take about a 30% wage cut to move but believe  me the two or three years of adjusting lifestyle to cope with the reduction was the absolute best thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’m in a very fortunate position where I’m now earning much more even than before I left my job and took the cut, but even if I wasn’t I’d still say it’s the best thing I’d ever done.  No job, status, or wage is worth more than your mental health. 

[Priti priti priti Patel]

1 hour ago, 8MileBU said:

Random question - Does anyone feel their employer, place of work, management chain, opportunities,  salary, perceived favouritism or anything else work related is the root cause of all their problems and has a massive impact on their mental health?

I have felt that before. It makes total sense if you think about it - you may not care much for your work, but in terms of environmental influences, it's probably one of the most significant. I doubt there's anything, anywhere, or anyone else you spend a solid 40 hours a week with.

[8MileBU]

1 hour ago, Rugster said:

Definitely  did at one point for me. I had to bite the bullet and give up a company car and take about a 30% wage cut to move but believe  me the two or three years of adjusting lifestyle to cope with the reduction was the absolute best thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’m in a very fortunate position where I’m now earning much more even than before I left my job and took the cut, but even if I wasn’t I’d still say it’s the best thing I’d ever done.  No job, status, or wage is worth more than your mental health. 

I’m that way where I feel like I’m properly stuck in a rut in the middle of the road with no way out or no quick fix. Promotion is almost a no-go from the level I’m at as the company’s tendency 99% of the time is to hire external candidates who 100% of the time are “Yes-men/women”. Looking at roles that occasionally arise in the salary banding above mine seems utterly pointless too as there’s a huge crossover range where the salaries in the top half of my band are the same as those in the bottom half of the band above. 

Due to business  restructuring my team have moved departments resulting in me taking anywhere between a £200 - £500 per month hit in the pocket in lost (non contractual) overtime opportunities. By no means am I on a pitiful wage or anything like that but nor would I say I’m all that comfortable. I also feel really guilty about the way I feel just now as well in the current climate when there’s tens of thousands of folk furloughed or having been made redundant. Can’t help but feel angry as well though that the plans I’d had and things I’d hope to get done at home etc have all been scuppered now.

Feels like my old department and the senior management have effectively said “Thanks for giving up all those weekends all these years, but through no choice of your own, you’re not working for that department Mon-Fri now so f**k ye. We’ll just waste time training agency staff or the zero hours contracts who’ll come and go like a revolving door instead of paying you overtime because their hourly rates are much lower than yours even though it’ll cost more paying agency commission and money lost in down-time training them.”

Edited February 1, 2021 by 8MileBU

[Guest bernardblack]

1 hour ago, 8MileBU said:

Random question - Does anyone feel their employer, place of work, management chain, opportunities,  salary, perceived favouritism or anything else work related is the root cause of all their problems and has a massive impact on their mental health?

Yup. I left my last job about 18mth ago, taking a wage cut etc to go work for a smaller company.
 

100% the best thing I’ve ever done. My mental health was in the bin and could not switch off at all. 
 

Fortunately Mrs BB was behind me the whole way there which made it a lot easier. 

The new place has mental health coverage and provides mindfulness sessions and apps etc which I’m slowly getting round to using. 

[D.A.F.C]

I have done so much complaining and moaning about my job but failed to move. I’m still looking and applied for one last month. 
My issue was favouritism, lack of opportunity, bullying, mobbing, dysfunction denial of reality and just about everything else you could throw in.

Another colleague last week was asked to do more, previously had been knocked back for promotion and the job went to someone’s pal who was incompetent and is now supervising him despite not knowing the role. Anyway he told his and my boss to ram it and that he was sick of doing more roles and getting paid less and will be leaving. 
It made zero difference to this asshole, next day out on the line telling me and a few others that we will need to take on more and do more. It’s all so he can bask in the glory and meet targets. I’ve pretty much given up caring now and just put my effort in training and eating, sleeping properly. Still applying and looking.

I found this guy online who has taken a real deep dive into explaining workplace dynamics so much so that some of his videos get into a religious slant which I’m not sure about but anyway he really hits the nail on the head. What really opens my eyes to this is how similar everything is, they’re all identical. Same games, same bullshit and same results. Maybe it might help others going through workplace hell. It’s quite common now I think.

 

[8MileBU]

10 minutes ago, bernardblack said:

Yup. I left my last job about 18mth ago, taking a wage cut etc to go work for a smaller company.
 

100% the best thing I’ve ever done. My mental health was in the bin and could not switch off at all. 
 

Fortunately Mrs BB was behind me the whole way there which made it a lot easier. 

The new place has mental health coverage and provides mindfulness sessions and apps etc which I’m slowly getting round to using. 

That’s big part of the issue. I can’t afford to go elsewhere as a wage cut definitely won’t make me happier. My employer have all these mental health first aiders, mindfulness sessions and support programmes but the reality is it’s all just corporate wankology that’s designed to make the company look good to stakeholders and any other invested outsiders looking in. The actual facts are that senior-middle management don’t give a f**k about anyone other than themselves, the yes-men/women or the shiny-happy people they employ and train to be their stooges tasked with spouting buzz-word laden bullshit to stakeholders, clients and customers. Amongst the remaining 90% of employees, opportunities are limited, salaries and bonuses are kept as low as possible, promotion opportunities are almost non existent or a poison chalice and morale is low as f**k right across the board. 

[8MileBU]

12 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said:

I have done so much complaining and moaning about my job but failed to move. I’m still looking and applied for one last month. 
My issue was favouritism, lack of opportunity, bullying, mobbing, dysfunction denial of reality and just about everything else you could throw in.

Another colleague last week was asked to do more, previously had been knocked back for promotion and the job went to someone’s pal who was incompetent and is now supervising him despite not knowing the role. Anyway he told his and my boss to ram it and that he was sick of doing more roles and getting paid less and will be leaving. 
It made zero difference to this asshole, next day out on the line telling me and a few others that we will need to take on more and do more. It’s all so he can bask in the glory and meet targets. I’ve pretty much given up caring now and just put my effort in training and eating, sleeping properly. Still applying and looking.

I found this guy online who has taken a real deep dive into explaining workplace dynamics so much so that some of his videos get into a religious slant which I’m not sure about but anyway he really hits the nail on the head. What really opens my eyes to this is how similar everything is, they’re all identical. Same games, same bullshit and same results. Maybe it might help others going through workplace hell. It’s quite common now I think.

 

The bold underlined bit is my workplace in a nutshell. Will give that video a watch later and see how much it resonates.

Edited February 1, 2021 by 8MileBU

[D.A.F.C]

7 minutes ago, 8MileBU said:

That’s big part of the issue. I can’t afford to go elsewhere as a wage cut definitely won’t make me happier. My employer have all these mental health first aiders, mindfulness sessions and support programmes but the reality is it’s all just corporate wankology that’s designed to make the company look good to stakeholders and any other invested outsiders looking in. The actual facts are that senior-middle management don’t give a f**k about anyone other than themselves, the yes-men/women or the shiny-happy people they employ and train to be their stooges tasked with spouting buzz-word laden bullshit to stakeholders, clients and customers. Amongst the remaining 90% of employees, opportunities are limited, salaries and bonuses are kept as low as possible, promotion opportunities are almost non existent or a poison chalice and morale is low as f**k right across the board. 

Identical, they proclaim that they care for the company but in reality they are only in it for themselves. They are terrified of people who see through them and their bullshit. There was a director at my work who manipulated the workplace into some sort of utopia and invited tours and people in.

All of sudden they left for some high paying job, none of it was real. It all stopped when they left. Using 100 people like guinea pigs to make them look good while in reality being nasty, abusive and two faced behind the scenes. A senior director on 70k plus who didn’t even need replaced. 
wtf is that all about? Nobody has even questioned it. It’s bizarre. 
Senior management is some sort of weird cult.

[8MileBU]

45 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said:

Identical, they proclaim that they care for the company but in reality they are only in it for themselves. They are terrified of people who see through them and their bullshit. There was a director at my work who manipulated the workplace into some sort of utopia and invited tours and people in.

All of sudden they left for some high paying job, none of it was real. It all stopped when they left. Using 100 people like guinea pigs to make them look good while in reality being nasty, abusive and two faced behind the scenes. A senior director on 70k plus who didn’t even need replaced. 
wtf is that all about? Nobody has even questioned it. It’s bizarre. 
Senior management is some sort of weird cult.

Senior management is some sort of weird cult and middle management are a cult of brown nosing ass kissers.

At my work the actual amount of managers is a joke and literally 50% of them are completely unnecessary.

There is a manager for everything. Their wages and bonuses are predominantly just a complete drain of funds and they spend so much time masking their incompetence and inability to make prompt, correct decisions. Ultimately their roles are one big game of “my dick is bigger than yours” and running in circles with their tadgers out with no sense of direction then nipping at their subordinates when X, Y & Z hasn’t been done which in turn just leads to low morale, high turnover of staff, loss of good workers and then time and money lost to hiring and training new starts. Then the whole cycle starts all over again. Rinse and repeat.

There is also a team that consists of THREE people in one area of the business that makes me laugh and wince at the same time - A manager. A team leader and ONE subordinate.

It’s that sort of lazy structuring, delegation and wasting of budget that boils my piss. Get that manager and team leader to f**k and absorb that ONE staff member and the remit of that “team” into another! Fvcking joke.

Edited February 1, 2021 by 8MileBU