Depression

[8MileBU]

6 hours ago, Aufc said:

 

I am not meaning to come across as harsh here mate. However, on the previous page, you said you could move elsewhere and get paid more but didnt want to as it wasnt as challenging. But then saying here that they are asking too much of you. So it is a bit of a mixed message.

If your current role is causing this level of stress and you could get another job then it seems a no brainer to look elsewhere.

 

No worries. I get where you’re coming and can see why you’re getting the  impression of a mixed message. My actual job is a type of surveying we shall say and I’m public sector so job security  is a massive plus, particularly in the current climate. There’s also quite a wide scope of services to allow me to move within the company too if a vacancy that appeals ever arises. However I actually love my job and just wish I was paid better for it and not in a position where you feel you need to do overtime - Which is no longer available to me. 

So that’s where the issues stem from. The job is great, I love doing it and getting to travel all over Scotland. It’s just all the bullshit in the background that grinds me down. To summarise, if they paid us what I feel me and my colleagues are worth and just left us to get on with it instead of making decisions from a centralised management position where they’ve no real understanding, perspective or appreciation I’d be a lot happier.

Doing  the same thing in the private sector might pay more but mightn’t be as secure a job and would probably be in a smaller company with less variety of other roles/services to move into and having looked into jobs with other firms before, the remit of the role is normally pretty narrow compared to mine hence the feeling I’d get bored.

It’d probably be easier to understand if I could say what I do and who for, but I don’t think it’d be appropriate to do so on a public forum.

[buchan30]

I'm someone that's had issues with mental health in my younger years as I'm sure many people have, generally speaking I think I do quite well to combat this and read the signals and make sure I'm in the best position to deal with things to the best that I can but I must say I'm feeling lower than I have the past 9 years, I'm just fed up of lockdown at this point, I usually go out and socialise like 2 times a year or something so lockdown barely bothered me at first but there's something psychologically getting to me the fact we're almost 1 year on and still in the same boat. 
It's my 28th birthday coming up next week and as someone that hasn't been interested in a relationship or anything like that for the past 9 years and as someone that could be described as underachieving career wise I'm getting more and more riled up by the fact that to me in my stupid head I've always looked at life like I can relax til I'm 28 then I need to grow up, settle down and claim normality but as it edges closer and closer and we are still in lockdown I can't help but thinking I'm missing the chance and soon I'll be 30 and put out to pasture. I feel like I'm being robbed of huge years, especially when male suicide is relativley high for people 25-35. I'm very conscious that we are in the midst of a pandemic and other people have suffered tremendously worse than me and I've always been the type of person to put themselves at the back of the queue but still I'm getting more miserable than I would like to be, I've drank more in the past 3 months than I have the 9 years before that and I'm conscious that this doesn't help but I'm also close to the point where I feel like resistance is futile. 
I don't like discussing mental health, it usually ironically makes me more depressed and reading other peoples experiences also makes me feel depressed but I felt like I needed a RANT so thanks for reading if you have. 

We are all fed up of lockdown, so don’t feel like you are alone in feeling like that. As for the socialising side of things, when things open back up. Try and arrange to meet up with a few friends even if that becomes 3 or 4 times a year, instead of 1 or 2. Don’t put pressure on yourself about finding someone by the age you are x, it does you no good. No harm in aiming to meet someone, but don’t put the pressure of a number on it.

[NJ2]

In fairness her teacher teams called her twice today as I messaged her last night and said I can’t do this.
I’m in a holding pattern being off as occ health decided they didn’t think should be in so it’s adding isolation.
 

Sounds like it’s just the stress of lockdown and getting on top of each other at home. Weather is shite but try and get outside everyday.

[NJ2]

I'm toiling a bit atm. Home schooling a 7 and 10 y.o. Meant to be on furlough, but a 'condition' of the company topping up pay to 100% is that I'm still doing bits and pieces at home. I'm an employee rep too, so have other folks worries and grievances too. The weather is probably playing a big part too. Summer was ok to get out for a walk, but the grey skies are making things worse. Kids don't want to go out, can't blame them. I have toothache and can't get an appointment till next Thursday. Finding myself shouting at the kids more. House is never tidy because we're in all day.
fml

None of that can be easy mate.
You’re an employee rep but don’t hesitate to tell folk you’re at capacity. “I’m only working x hours the now mate and with the bairns I can’t really do any more, I’m sorry”. Folk will be understanding or pissed off, up to them tbh.
Get the kids out. Wrap up and get a walk. Stops you all going stir crazy and saves everyone from getting bored, frustrated and arguing.
Keep at it, you’re doing a great job and we’ll get there [emoji106]

[Aufc]

No worries. I get where you’re coming and can see why you’re getting the  impression of a mixed message. My actual job is a type of surveying we shall say and I’m public sector so job security  is a massive plus, particularly in the current climate. There’s also quite a wide scope of services to allow me to move within the company too if a vacancy that appeals ever arises. However I actually love my job and just wish I was paid better for it and not in a position where you feel you need to do overtime - Which is no longer available to me. 
So that’s where the issues stem from. The job is great, I love doing it and getting to travel all over Scotland. It’s just all the bullshit in the background that grinds me down. To summarise, if they paid us what I feel me and my colleagues are worth and just left us to get on with it instead of making decisions from a centralised management position where they’ve no real understanding, perspective or appreciation I’d be a lot happier.
Doing  the same thing in the private sector might pay more but mightn’t be as secure a job and would probably be in a smaller company with less variety of other roles/services to move into and having looked into jobs with other firms before, the remit of the role is normally pretty narrow compared to mine hence the feeling I’d get bored.
It’d probably be easier to understand if I could say what I do and who for, but I don’t think it’d be appropriate to do so on a public forum.

That makes sense now mate. Sounds like you need to head down with the aim of moving to a different department or whatever. Every job will have aspects that you dislike (generally) but at least it sounds like enjoy a lot of aspects so focus on them and try ignore the negative stuff. Obviously easier said than done but you will drive yourself mad. I suppose in public sector yoj will always get paid less than private sector. Benefits to both side

[The Moonster]

15 hours ago, Stormzy said:

I'm someone that's had issues with mental health in my younger years as I'm sure many people have, generally speaking I think I do quite well to combat this and read the signals and make sure I'm in the best position to deal with things to the best that I can but I must say I'm feeling lower than I have the past 9 years, I'm just fed up of lockdown at this point, I usually go out and socialise like 2 times a year or something so lockdown barely bothered me at first but there's something psychologically getting to me the fact we're almost 1 year on and still in the same boat. 

It's my 28th birthday coming up next week and as someone that hasn't been interested in a relationship or anything like that for the past 9 years and as someone that could be described as underachieving career wise I'm getting more and more riled up by the fact that to me in my stupid head I've always looked at life like I can relax til I'm 28 then I need to grow up, settle down and claim normality but as it edges closer and closer and we are still in lockdown I can't help but thinking I'm missing the chance and soon I'll be 30 and put out to pasture. I feel like I'm being robbed of huge years, especially when male suicide is relativley high for people 25-35. I'm very conscious that we are in the midst of a pandemic and other people have suffered tremendously worse than me and I've always been the type of person to put themselves at the back of the queue but still I'm getting more miserable than I would like to be, I've drank more in the past 3 months than I have the 9 years before that and I'm conscious that this doesn't help but I'm also close to the point where I feel like resistance is futile. 

I don't like discussing mental health, it usually ironically makes me more depressed and reading other peoples experiences also makes me feel depressed but I felt like I needed a RANT so thanks for reading if you have. 

As someone who has just turned 32 and has no prospect of "settling down" any time soon, and thinking about a huge career change, you've got plenty of time on your side. I reckon the majority of the country feel the way you do now, not to say that your concerns and worries aren't justified, but probably more normal than you think. I've felt stuck in a rut so many times over the last year as well but the language around restrictions is changing every day now and starting to give me a bit of hope, I reckon summer time will see a much better standard of living for us all. Just try and stick it out any way you can until then, it'll be easier to work out all the other stuff in your life when you don't have this shit hanging over you.

[Thereisalight..]

I've found the last couple of weeks to be a struggle. The weather hasnt been as nice so I've not went out walking or hiking as much. Monday was the 1st anniversary of my Dad passing. Went on a "date" a morning ago, my first one since my horrible break up and it just made me miss the connection I had with my ex even more (but not her). Also had to take a sabbatical from work as I wasnt sleeping the night before due to anxiety and was then having to stand outside for 13 hours. Just fcked emotionally and physically at the moment

[NJ2]

I've found the last couple of weeks to be a struggle. The weather hasnt been as nice so I've not went out walking or hiking as much. Monday was the 1st anniversary of my Dad passing. Went on a "date" a morning ago, my first one since my horrible break up and it just made me miss the connection I had with my ex even more (but not her). Also had to take a sabbatical from work as I wasnt sleeping the night before due to anxiety and was then having to stand outside for 13 hours. Just fcked emotionally and physically at the moment

No anniversary of a passing will be nice but I suspect the first would be the grimmest.
Good stuff on the date! Might not have been the one but it’s steps in the right direction, you won’t find the connection and that you miss by not meeting people.
As with a few others here, have a look for other jobs. There’s no harm in looking, especially if what you have is draining on you...what we got to lose?

[Mr Waldo]

On 03/02/2021 at 19:30, Hillonearth said:

We've had a couple of eye-openers recently...the top brass had arranged for a series of mental health and mindfulness seminars to be conducted online over the next month or so, which on the face of it seems like a nice thing to do...all to be on a voluntary basis for anyone that feels like they're struggling.

Until they never got the numbers they were expecting, that is.

Then it immediately turned into a case of each section being tasked with filling a quota...spent a couple of frustrating phone calls explaining that the fact not many people feel the need for them is actually a good thing, and that railroading them into this kind of stuff might actually be counterproductive, to be met with a general attitude of "Well, we fucking paid for it up front so get them telt...."

 

Funny. I was on one of them this morning. They usually feel 'tick box' but, for some reason, we were inundated with people wanting to tell their story and share their experiences. It was quite a powerful and humbling experience. Maybe the message is getting through - at my work at least.

The only concern I had was the ones that didn't dial in. But I am a worrier, so...maybe that's ok.

[8MileBU]

14 hours ago, Aufc said:

 

That makes sense now mate. Sounds like you need to head down with the aim of moving to a different department or whatever. Every job will have aspects that you dislike (generally) but at least it sounds like enjoy a lot of aspects so focus on them and try ignore the negative stuff. Obviously easier said than done but you will drive yourself mad. I suppose in public sector yoj will always get paid less than private sector. Benefits to both side

 

Aye it’s a bit of a quandary. It’s not like I’m on a measly wage or anything like that (nor am I by any means flush) but you get to a point where you achieve a level and a standard of living and trying to maintain it is the hard bit when some awful p***ks at work can affect what you can do in life away from work.

Edited February 4, 2021 by 8MileBU

[philpy]

I've had a rough time of it lately, mind been going into overdrive, sleepless nights, everything lockdown related has Just knocked me sideways. I've made the wise decision to knock the drinking on the head, admittedly I've became over-reliant on it to black everything out. Got a new camera at Xmas and started to put cash away to get new lenses for it. I've been getting up in the morning early as I've been off this week and getting some great wildlife pics, and not had to worry about hangovers and being over the limit. Feel so much better Doing it.

 

 

 

[Shandon Par]

3 minutes ago, philpy said:

I've had a rough time of it lately, mind been going into overdrive, sleepless nights, everything lockdown related has Just knocked me sideways. I've made the wise decision to knock the drinking on the head, admittedly I've became over-reliant on it to black everything out. Got a new camera at Xmas and started to put cash away to get new lenses for it. I've been getting up in the morning early as I've been off this week and getting some great wildlife pics, and not had to worry about hangovers and being over the limit. Feel so much better Doing it.

 

 

 

Definitely helps to stress to yourself all the positives from not drinking, rather than seeing it as being deprived or denying yourself something. Well done!

[D.A.F.C]

Without wanting to sound preachy or a dick about it drinking has absolutely zero value and can’t help at all with depression.

I don’t really know any other way to drink other than binge drinking and from getting isolated due to shit friends and going on a health kick I’ve never really missed it. I do appreciate a social drink or occasional whisky but I’m usually one or two drinks away from just drinking everything going. Which is dangerous. Starting drinking young is a really bad idea and it’s probably that more than anything that means I can’t really go back to it even if I was going out every weekend. After a while a booze free weekend feels good, maybe a few people will realise that with lockdown or on the flip side have been caining it every weekend by themselves? Moderation is key and maybe society needs to move away from binge drinking culture, the government is a bit hypocritical saying respect the nhs then taking billions of drink tbh.

[Raidernation]

I had a relapse. From Jan 21st to 23rd I drank almost constantly.

I have no idea why.

I ended up in hospital because I ended up throwing up almost constantly for 24 hours. Diagnosed at one point with keto acidosis but they changed that after about 12 hours on fluids and potassium etc.

Had to admit to my (very supportive) stepdaughter and to my boss why I was in hospital and miss a days work but I have had nothing but support (probably because I immediately contacted an IOP program and was accepted (started Monday))

Why am I sharing this? I learned this time that one thing I can’t let myself do is feel guilty/angry/stupid/failure for something that’s already happened. I took immediate action in terms of gettin in touch with the IOP programme and to go to meetings. I did not let this spiral down into some of my previous depressive cycles.

I WILL RECOVER!

[Stellaboz]

Every road back from an addiction will suffer a relapse of some kind I think, at least you've taken action when it happened.
You're going to conquer it!

[Aufc]

Aye it’s a bit of a quandary. It’s not like I’m on a measly wage or anything like that (nor am I by any means flush) but you get to a point where you achieve a level and a standard of living and trying to maintain it is the hard bit when some awful p***ks at work can affect what you can do in life away from work.

In my opinion, if your work is affecting your personal life negatively then you need to seriously consider your options. Your issue is that because you are public sector then you cant do things such as ask for a pay rise. However, it does allow you some flexibility on different areas as you previously mention. Only you can know what is the right thing to do, but, as mentioned, don’t let your work impact your personal life. Especially with kids and even more so in the current situation

[the snudge]

Anyone struggling with alcohol is free to message me anytime. Even just to vent. I've been there. 

[Dons_1988]

Part of the problem with alcohol is the stigma/label that can some with a 'drink problem'.

Reality is a drink problem can range from being clinically addicted right down to misuse during a difficult period in life or even as simple as not being great at holding your drink on a night out.

I've not been an alcoholic but I definitely had a problem with drink back in my worst days. I absolutely used it to cope when I lost hope that things would get better. I never told anyone because who wants to be labelled an alcoholic for life? Thankfully my Mrs was there to give me a serious shake.

It's possible to have an issue with it and in time recover a healthier relationship with alcohol when you're in a better place. If people felt more empowered to discuss that without being labelled it would be a great thing.

[Stellaboz]

Absolutely terrific post @Dons_1988

I used to be a weekend binge drinker, which I used to try and be happy and I perceived it as "having fun".  It also used up the majority of my spare cash and I took out credit facilities in order to continue to go out at a weekend and such. 

I also used it for a long time as a way to forget the shit things in life and to numb the pain of a bad relationship and a life leading nowhere. 

At no stage was I an alcoholic in the clinical sense, but definitely mis-used alcohol and mis-treated myself and others along the way as a result. I used get get heavy doses of "the fear" which obviously didn't help my mental state.

 

At one point I decided to try to cut down whilst at uni and left only beers which I absolutely hate in the fridge. It helped me, despite how silly that sounds.

I still enjoy having a few beers sometimes but very, very rarely am I ever hungover anymore. I can now have maybe one or two beers without feeling the need to get absolutely shit-faced whereas when I was in my teens or early twenties I would scoff at the thought of stopping at one or two. 

[Dons_1988]

10 minutes ago, Stellaboz said:

Absolutely terrific post @Dons_1988

I used to be a weekend binge drinker, which I used to try and be happy and I perceived it as "having fun".  It also used up the majority of my spare cash and I took out credit facilities in order to continue to go out at a weekend and such. 

I also used it for a long time as a way to forget the shit things in life and to numb the pain of a bad relationship and a life leading nowhere. 

At no stage was I an alcoholic in the clinical sense, but definitely mis-used alcohol and mis-treated myself and others along the way as a result. I used get get heavy doses of "the fear" which obviously didn't help my mental state.

 

At one point I decided to try to cut down whilst at uni and left only beers which I absolutely hate in the fridge. It helped me, despite how silly that sounds.

I still enjoy having a few beers sometimes but very, very rarely am I ever hungover anymore. I can now have maybe one or two beers without feeling the need to get absolutely shit-faced whereas when I was in my teens or early twenties I would scoff at the thought of stopping at one or two. 

Think this is pretty common across Scotland to be honest.

I definitely considered telling people I was worried about how much I was drinking at the time but didn't because alcoholic felt like a life time label I'd get. You hear the conversations in offices etc 'such and such has a drink problem...', which is just vague enough that no one knows what it is but they can make a judgement anyway.

ETA - forgot to say @Raidernation is an absolute credit to himself the way he keeps fronting up and tackling the issue. Serious respect.

Edited February 5, 2021 by Dons_1988