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Worst Town In Scotland


I'm Brian

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Everywhere north of the bustling, modern Inverness is pretty grim. And all the residents of these places develop small-town syndrome when you tell them you're from Inverness.

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The thing about schemes in inner cities like Glasgow is one short bus journey or taxi and you're right in the centre where there's lots to do and see. I'd far prefer that over living in somewhere like Leven which is just dead all the time.

This is a good point. In the UK, rural poverty is arguably a lot more grinding and dispiriting than city poverty. But by the same token, violent crime is less of a threat in rural poor areas.

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My dad recently moved to darkest Argyll and some of the villages up there have to be seen to be believed. A dozen grey, grey, grey houses with angry-looking middle-aged men lurking outside.

Kind of related, around 2009 I was out driving around Ayrshire on a sunny Saturday afternoon (because I lead such an exciting live). I was on the way to the motorway and was passing through... Muirkirk? Or a little town near it. Anyway, there was a row of houses whose front steps opened onto the main road, and I remember driving past and seeing two guys standing on their respective doorsteps, facing straight ahead, having a conversation. So they were like 12 feet apart and not looking at each other, standing in front of their front doors, and I remember thinking, christ, I bet they do this every Saturday, and I bet neither has even seen through the other's front door, much less been inside. They just stand and look out over the hills to the south and don;'t make eye contact and have awkward conversation. And I bet both of them think, aw, f**k, I don't want to talk to Tam/Rab today, but I'd better be polite and do it, and they both open their door at the same time and give each other a grim little side-nod, then talk about the Rangers and the papes* for a couple of hours, until they disappear back inside. And that was a very sad afternoon, so I had a kebab later.

*I may be stereotyping here**

**but you know I'm probably right

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My dad recently moved to darkest Argyll and some of the villages up there have to be seen to be believed. A dozen grey, grey, grey houses with angry-looking middle-aged men lurking outside.

Kind of related, around 2009 I was out driving around Ayrshire on a sunny Saturday afternoon (because I lead such an exciting live). I was on the way to the motorway and was passing through... Muirkirk? Or a little town near it. Anyway, there was a row of houses whose front steps opened onto the main road, and I remember driving past and seeing two guys standing on their respective doorsteps, facing straight ahead, having a conversation. So they were like 12 feet apart and not looking at each other, standing in front of their front doors, and I remember thinking, christ, I bet they do this every Saturday, and I bet neither has even seen through the other's front door, much less been inside. They just stand and look out over the hills to the south and don;'t make eye contact and have awkward conversation. And I bet both of them think, aw, f**k, I don't want to talk to Tam/Rab today, but I'd better be polite and do it, and they both open their door at the same time and give each other a grim little side-nod, then talk about the Rangers and the papes* for a couple of hours, until they disappear back inside. And that was a very sad afternoon, so I had a kebab later.

*I may be stereotyping here**

**but you know I'm probably right

How dare you stereotype the towns of East Ayrshire and make dreadful insinuations of bigotry towards their inhabitants.

You are spot on, though, tbf.

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Methil always gets mentioned in these threads. It's nowhere nearly as bad as some other towns mentioned on here. Yeh, it's a pretty depressing place with not much happening, but it is generally a safe place to walk around in, compared to other towns.

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cannot believe 8 pages and only 2 mentions of Wick!

The answer to this question is helmsdale.

creepiest place on earth.

Is Helmsdale not the place that used to have some drag queen who used to dress up like Barbara Cartland. Had a restaurant. The walls were covered with pictures of him in pink dresses.

La Mirage or something I think it was called. My mother decided it would be good if we stopped there for lunch!!!! Mind you it was about 15 years ago

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John O Groats.

I used to love taking people there.

People: Are we going to John O Groats?

Me: Do you really want to?

People: Yes.

Me: It's shite, though.

People: But it says on the itinerary...

Me: Ok...you asked for it.

(Drive to JoG)

People: Is this it? This is shite.

Me: Nobody ever listens me. It's a curse.

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Ecclefechan's a great shout, absolutely awful place.

Its also the source of one of those facebook created sayings of "if ye canne say Ecclefechan your no fae Scotland!!" or some shite.

Some women in my work use this patter and I could easily stab them in the eye with my pen each time.

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This is a side issue really, and probably unrelated to the worst town as such, but one of the reasons I prefer Edinburgh is that OF polyester wearers appear to be in the minority and you just don't get the same vitriolic level of sectarianism as you do in Ayrshire (much as I love my county).

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Methil always gets mentioned in these threads. It's nowhere nearly as bad as some other towns mentioned on here. Yeh, it's a pretty depressing place with not much happening, but it is generally a safe place to walk around in, compared to other towns.

I seen a guy in methil few weeks back with a mullet and he wore a DENIM jacket. It was like something from the 80s.

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Everywhere north of the bustling, modern Inverness is pretty grim. And all the residents of these places develop small-town syndrome when you tell them you're from Inverness.

Although not a shitehole as such, I shall give Lairg a mention here for places I'd hate to live. There's absolutely f*** all to do, any good development idea is quashed by the various committees (usually run by the white settlers as it's the first thing to join upon arrival) and it's in the arse end of nowhere, connected to the outside world only by a train station. Notable only for having one of Europe's largest sheep markets. Al Fayed's Falls of Shin visitor centre also burned down this year, leaving it with nothing.

Scourie is next as it's just a line of depressing council houses, but you're not far away from some of Scotland's finest scenery I suppose. The road sign there saying 'Beach and Burial Ground' is a tad suspicious though.

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