Homer Thompson Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 (edited) There are no problems, only challenges. You mean choblems? ETA - or prallenges Edited April 2, 2015 by Mr X 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mizfit Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 "Can I speak to so and so today please?" "No his contract lapsed and his employment was terminated." Gonna save me time and just tell me he was sacked. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 "Can I speak to so and so today please?" "No his contract lapsed and his employment was terminated." Gonna save me time and just tell me he was sacked. Jeremy Clarkson? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan Stubbs Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 13-week course, which combines theory and practice guided by Entrepreneurial Thought and Action principles and provides Fellows with an unparalleled chance to engage with global thought leaders and entrepreneurs. In the past, companies have been able to engage with Fellows at the conclusion of the USA leg of course, which has been likened to a fast-track MBA - but the number of Fellows has always been substantially less than the number of enterprises wishing to avail themselves of their services. Now - for a modest fee, which is much less than standard consultancy rates - companies can pre-select the Fellow with whom they want to engage and have a guarantee that they will benefit from his or her services when they return to Scotland. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HTG Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I just see endless amounts of this pish. People who think they work in IT don't say "f**k off I'm busy". They say, "let me check my bandwidth". Also, has anyone else recently been involved in these fuckin stupid team challenge exercises at a team meeting. My lot were recently split into groups and challenged to build the tallest freestanding structure possible from the following materials: 20 sticks of dried spaghetti, one metre of masking tape and one metre of string. They were allowed 18 minutes. Once upright, the structure had to be capable of supporting the weight of a marshmallow. It was absolutely fuckin amazing to see adults embrace this pish. I cut pieces of masking tape into smaller pieces of masking tape and survived by singing National Shite Day in my head - wishing i had a mallet to go with what's left of my mullet. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Bairn Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 My best shot at a translation: A 13 week course will teach our staff their job and allow them to meet successful businessmen. Previously we allowed clients to utilise our staff whilst in the USA, however we can no longer afford to keep so many geezers on the books. Thus we are now going to charge our clients an extra fee to select the member of our staff they want to deal with ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Still sounds pretty wanky 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I had an 'Away Day' at work. This simply consisted of us going down to the main uni campus for some sessions. On the agenda was a 'Plenary' (two actually; I had to Google this to see what it meant), some 'Breakout sessions' (just small classes basically) and, to conclude, 'Washup' (which was the co-ordinators thanking the organisers and taking any questions). I actually got a huge nose bleed whilst walking home (and since I had no tissues on me ruined a hoody containing it/cleaning it). I think the absolute tsunami of bullshit today was just too much for me -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I had an 'Away Day' at work. This simply consisted of us going down to the main uni campus for some sessions. On the agenda was a 'Plenary' (two actually; I had to Google this to see what it meant), some 'Breakout sessions' (just small classes basically) and, to conclude, 'Washup' (which was the co-ordinators thanking the organisers and taking any questions). I actually got a huge nose bleed whilst walking home (and since I had no tissues on me ruined a hoody containing it/cleaning it). I think the absolute tsunami of bullshit today was just too much for me Sounds like you were injured in an accident at work and someone else was at fault. If only there was someone you could call. PS - I definitely didn't red dot that; P&B's gone mad. I recommend giving Div a Helen by way of revenge, and definitely not me 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 (edited) Sounds like you were injured in an accident at work and someone else was at fault. If only there was someone you could call. PS - I definitely didn't red dot that; P&B's gone mad. I recommend giving Div a Helen by way of revenge, and definitely not me Sadly it happened after work and not on my employer's premises.I thought I had done a decent job of cleaning myself up (I always keep a small bottle of hand sanitiser in my bag) so fired in to the Spar en route to home to pick up some rolls. I understood the poor till lassie's revulsion when I looked in the mirror when I got in. Aside from my poor looks, I had blood stains at random intervals in my beard and around the offending nostril, as well as on the tip of my nose. Incidentally, I've yet to figure out 'Helen'. Obviously I know it's slang for a red, but I don"t know what Helen you could be referring to Edited June 17, 2015 by DA Baracus 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Sadly it happened after work and not on my employer's premises. I thought I had done a decent job of cleaning myself up (I always keep a small bottle of hand sanitiser in my bag) so fired in to the Spar en route to home to pick up some rolls. I understood the poor till lassie's revulsion when I looked in the mirror when I got in. Aside from my poor looks, I had blood stains at random intervals in my beard and around the offending nostril, as well as on the tip of my nose. Incidentally, I've yet to figure out 'Helen'. Obviously I know it's slang for a red, but I don"t know what Helen you could be referring to I'm sure any ambulance chaser personal injury lawyer worth their salt could tell you that the true extent of an injury may only become apparent hours after the event itself. Clearly this serious hemorrhage in the cranial cavity is the result of persistent pummeling with a turgid stick of brainwrong. Who knows what other consequences could manifest in the years ahead? I'm sure any trained medical professional would be willing to attest to the likelihood of your death well before the end of the 21st century. You owe it to yourself and the loved ones you will be leaving behind to ensure your comfort as you inevitably lie gibbering in a pool of your own fluids, tortured by the memories of the nightmarish conference horrorgasm that resulted in your painful and tragic slide into vegetablism. Also, the fact that you've forgotten Helen Reddy could well be a useful piece of corroborative evidence. Get the Spar lassie's number, we can call her as a witness. And if all else fails, you might get a sympathy shag if you tell her about your memory loss. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Institutionalised cruelty is one thing, but the twisted brain-wrong of a one-off man-mental is quite another. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonksy+HisChristianParade Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 That the Saltire Foundation? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banana Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 13-week course, which combines theory and practice guided by Entrepreneurial Thought and Action principles and provides Fellows with an unparalleled chance to engage with global thought leaders and entrepreneurs. In the past, companies have been able to engage with Fellows at the conclusion of the USA leg of course, which has been likened to a fast-track MBA - but the number of Fellows has always been substantially less than the number of enterprises wishing to avail themselves of their services. Now - for a modest fee, which is much less than standard consultancy rates - companies can pre-select the Fellow with whom they want to engage and have a guarantee that they will benefit from his or her services when they return to Scotland. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I'm sure any ambulance chaser personal injury lawyer worth their salt could tell you that the true extent of an injury may only become apparent hours after the event itself. Clearly this serious hemorrhage in the cranial cavity is the result of persistent pummeling with a turgid stick of brainwrong. Who knows what other consequences could manifest in the years ahead? I'm sure any trained medical professional would be willing to attest to the likelihood of your death well before the end of the 21st century. You owe it to yourself and the loved ones you will be leaving behind to ensure your comfort as you inevitably lie gibbering in a pool of your own fluids, tortured by the memories of the nightmarish conference horrorgasm that resulted in your painful and tragic slide into vegetablism. Also, the fact that you've forgotten Helen Reddy could well be a useful piece of corroborative evidence. Get the Spar lassie's number, we can call her as a witness. And if all else fails, you might get a sympathy shag if you tell her about your memory loss. You've convinced me. I will get a claim put in. Never heard of Helen Reddy. The Spar lassie was quite nice, so perhaps that could be an option. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 You've convinced me. I will get a claim put in. Never heard of Helen Reddy. The Spar lassie was quite nice, so perhaps that could be an option. Excellent news all round. She can nurse you through this troubled time, and the papers will love that angle. Maybe even get a spread in OK!, Hello!, or FuckOff! magazines. Div's team of highly-paid lawyers are bound to be laying about doing nothing since the Mumsnet debacle; I'm sure he'd be thrilled help out as part of the legal package included in your Platinum subscrip...ah. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ya Bezzer! Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Tranche Tranche Tranche Tranche 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zetterlund Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 There has been a wholly unwelcome rise in the use of the word "action" as a verb from people around me lately. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 There has been a wholly unwelcome rise in the use of the word "action" as a verb from people around me lately. Has your workplace been chosen for a completely unscripted, not at all rehearsed, hidden-camera reality TV show? If you were the only one who wasn't informed, you may be entitled to compensation. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Easy Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 (edited) Not corporate speak as such, but when I email something to a certain department I without fail get a reply saying either "DW" or "will DW". I don't need to know this, sort it out in your team and leave me alone please. I know you will "DW" as it's your job. Edited June 22, 2015 by Big Easy 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Not corporate speak as such, but when I email something to a certain department I without fail get a reply saying either "DW" or "will DW". I don't need to know this, sort it out in your team and leave me alone please. I know you will "DW" as it's your job. Danger w**k? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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