Embarrassing Yourself With a Football

[Falcor Roar]

I do this at 0:40

[Geedub-MFC]

I had just finished playing a game of fives when a ball from the next pitch where a couple of wee guys around 13-14 were having a kick about landed at my feet. Having previously fucked up returning the ball to the opposite pitch earlier in the evening I went for the easy option and picked it up for a drop kick. Unfortunately, I lost all muscle memory of how much power was required to safely return the ball and I absolutely blootered it the full length of my pitch, their pitch and out onto the busy dual carriageway. Their sad little faces still haunt my dreams.

[ScottR96]

I mind one of my mates (posts on here but will remain anonymous) was in goals when we were having a kickabout on the pitches outside Broadwood Stadium many years ago. He went to punt the ball out from well inside the goal and got his foot stuck in the net end was dangling upside down for a good minute or two. Hands down the funniest thing I've ever seen, game was a bogey after that - couldn't kick the ball without collapsing in fits of laughter.

[Glenconner]

Years ago, we were playing Ayr at Love Street in an end of season miserable spring day. About halfway through the first half one of their players launched the ball into the stand towards me. I saw it, stood out of my seat and in one fluid motion took my cap off, my hood down and got a full head 'thwack' right on it, mist rushing from the soaked ball as it left my head... perfect technique right into Andy Millens arms about 30 yards away. Cue much applause and Div describing it at the time on B&W Army as the most entertaining thing to happen in the first half.

Now for years since, my mate claimed he wants a similar moment and is desperate for the chance to get his moment in the sun. Last season the ball flew into our spot in the stand, he knew it was his opportunity to shine. He stood, claimed it and the ball landed perfectly on the bridge of his nose, sliding down his face and landing two rows in front, blasting his specs clean off his face and landing, similarly two rows away but not before the force of the ball meeting specs meeting face burst the bridge of his nose. He landed on his arse in his seat between me and his old man with everyone within 8 seats of him howling with laughter.

Poor c**t.

Must have been really sore for your mate.

[Karpaty]

I mind one of my mates (posts on here but will remain anonymous) was in goals when we were having a kickabout on the pitches outside Broadwood Stadium many years ago. He went to punt the ball out from well inside the goal and got his foot stuck in the net end was dangling upside down for a good minute or two. Hands down the funniest thing I've ever seen, game was a bogey after that - couldn't kick the ball without collapsing in fits of laughter.

The ball was in the back of the net and I tried to back-heel it when my studs caught the net and on the back swing threw me upside down. It summed up my performance

[Albino Rover]

[The Minertaur]

One of my families favourite stories is sadly of me playing football with my Uncle in the garden. We had quite a large back garden which was perfect for a decent kick about. I'm outfield and my Uncle is in goal and I'm doing a pretty awful job of scoring. Was wee at the time I should add!

After about 10 minutes of me missing or my Uncle saving every shot I started to get a bit upset. My Uncle being the nice guy he is decided to make it easier for me by putting his jumper over his head. First shot goes wide and the second shot somehow is saved by my Uncle who is just waving his arms about

To make it even easier and to give him a chance to catch his breath as he is laughing so hard, he goes and grabs a garden chair and sits down in the middle of the goal. No arms waving and his jumper over his head again.

Next thing he remembers is the ball hitting him in the stomach, pulling the jumper down and me lying face down in the grass in floods of tears

[gkneil]

Back in the good old juvenile days, when a high hanging ball was the stuff of nightmares for a young goaly, I went up for one but completely miss-judged it.

The ball proceeded to bounce off the deck and up between my legs giving both bollocks a good rattle.

As I dropped to the ground, preparing for the imminent pain, an opposition player got to the 2nd ball and smashed it into the net..........via my face

The sight of a 13-year old goaly, lying prone on the deck with sore balls and a bloody nose could not have been pleasant in itself, but the lead-up to this vision must have been fantastic viewing as both teams' players and supporters were in fits of laughter.

In later years, I also had a beauty when a long wind-assisted ball came towards me where I shouted in full confidence "Goaly's, EASY!!". The ball bounced clean over my head into the net. A fairly well-known incident the ball bouncing over the keeper. Lesser known is an occurence where the keeper has declared in full voice to every single player and spectator at the game that dealing with the ball will be "EASY"

[maccanee]

Couple of quick ones, both with the old BB team at Knightswood pitches.

First one was myself, one of the first 11's games I played. Itv was an old mitre mouldmaster and the opposition keeper launched this thing into orbit. When it came back down it obviously became my job to attack said ball. I steadied myself, shouted my name just in case my intentions weren't obvious, and was promptly floored by the meteor. Tears and snotters everywhere.

The second one is again BB football, this time a bit older. Our striker gets played through one on one and just as he breaks into the box, decides to fling himself to the floor with no-one near him. He took pelters until we discovered the golf ball 10 yards away from him that had skelped him full force in the calf from the golf course next door.

[Binos123sam]

I was at a Hurlford Stirling away once. Having just left the supporters bar, a Hurlford player warming up hit a shot that was heading straight for me. I casually caught it, then punted it back. Unfortunately in my drunken state I hadn't realised there was a net behind the goals, so the ball ended up flying off in the opposite direction and out the stadium. I was given looks of bemusement and "wtf?" from all around me. I went back to the bar

I remember that lol.

[The Second Andy Goram]

Was standing at the side of the pitch during my younger brothers match and I stood on the ball when it went out for a throw and fell on my arse in the mud.

[diegomarahenry]

In one game I was playing in, the other team had a player on the right wing I took an instant dislike to, can't remember why.

He was chasing a ball down the line and I decided to slide in, making it look like I was going to play the ball against his legs and get the throw, but instead give him a bit of a dig in the process.

He must have anticipated the intent and pulled back at the last second and I blootered the ball out the park and in to the testicles of some poor old sod casually standing watching his dog have a piss.

The shocked silence was broken by one of my team mates shouting ooooowwwww, right in the chuckies

[Broony88]

Back in the good old juvenile days, when a high hanging ball was the stuff of nightmares for a young goaly, I went up for one but completely miss-judged it.

The ball proceeded to bounce off the deck and up between my legs giving both bollocks a good rattle.

As I dropped to the ground, preparing for the imminent pain, an opposition player got to the 2nd ball and smashed it into the net..........via my face

The sight of a 13-year old goaly, lying prone on the deck with sore balls and a bloody nose could not have been pleasant in itself, but the lead-up to this vision must have been fantastic viewing as both teams' players and supporters were in fits of laughter.

In later years, I also had a beauty when a long wind-assisted ball came towards me where I shouted in full confidence "Goaly's, EASY!!". The ball bounced clean over my head into the net. A fairly well-known incident the ball bouncing over the keeper. Lesser known is an occurence where the keeper has declared in full voice to every single player and spectator at the game that dealing with the ball will be "EASY"

Did you miss Andy and Mc from your user name ?

[Caley fan]

Playing on the school blaze one lunchtime. I'm in goals, these are the little ones about 3 feet high.

Cue a caley youth player hitting an absolute better towards goal. I had my hands up blocking my face in a boxer type pose with closed fists. And the ball smashed my had resulting in me giving myself a beauty black eye.

I was taking pelters all week about it.