1320Lichtie Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Never happened with me. #baller Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DensParkNumber1 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I usually shitebag it and throw it back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deeboy Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Never happened with me. #baller Thankfully there wasn't a 'forum' written at the end, son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosser-fae-the-shire Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Got a couple, both involving the same guy. First one, we're playing 5s and I scored into him. He was fuckin raging and tried to smash the ball off the side fence. Unfortunately there was a young lad on the park next to us, innocently kicking a ball into an empty net. My mate's shot caught him square on the side of the face and knocked him right off his feet. Poor wee chap. Next one was when we were on holiday (Malia I think). There was a lassie who had her leg all bandaged up (can't mind why). We were out one night and my mate fell into her. Spent ages apologising to her and next day at the pool he eventually got back on her good side. We were booting a ball about the poolside and the big man tried to smash the ball of one of my mates. He missed by miles and after a couple of very unfortunate deflections, the ball smashed the lassie's gammy leg. He didn't ever bother trying to apologise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mortar Bored Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Off topic. I remember a Montrose game in the late eighties when the ball was being chased down, defender decided to blooter the ball out, a simple tap to give the throw would have been sufficient, the match pressure mitre flew straight into the pie stand, ricocheted off the pie wifies and numerous walls- result, scalded hands, destroyed pies and the early closure of the pie stand- before half time. What an inconsiderate b*****d, I was starving! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathematics Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 That's a lovely tattoo, mathematics. Not mine - Gary Holt's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deeboy Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 That makes it worse, tbh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Cort's Hamstring Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I love the idea of this sad c**t, who was probably used to going home broken hearted on a Saturday after another afternoon of horrendous abuse from the stands, going home to his one bedroom flat that night and feeling like the top fucking boy because he managed to keep out a bunch of eleven year olds' penalties! Sounds a bit like this: The best bit is at about 1:40 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 "well done; he's 13". Always liked Nev. I bet he'd have given us some actual coaching tips. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J_Stewart Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I've only ever been sent off once but it led to a complete nightmare. Was away to Thurso, was playing sweeper and blocked a shot on the line, bounced off my knee, hit my hand and the ref sent me off for deliberate handball, even though it was physically impossible to deliberately handle a ball from that distance unless you're Neo or a time lord. Anyway, went in to the changing room, got showered and changed and came out to watch the second half. We were 2-1 down with about 10 minutes to go when the ball went out for a throw-in for us and landed in a huge pile of mud. Or so I thought. Ran over to get it in an attempt to redeem myself, put my foot on it to lean over and grab it, only my foot sank all the way in up to my knees in what I soon realised wasn't mud, but was actually a huge pile of horse shite. Ahhhh nooooop. Was absolutely stinking. Thankfully I was still in my shorts and hadn't put my jeans on so had to go for another shower, trainers were ruined though so had to chuck them out and the DE Shoes in Thurso didn't have a single pair of size 11s so had to buy slippers with giant footballs on the front of them and wear them to the pub we went to after the game. Got suitably slaughtered by both teams and everyone in the pub. Our manager - who was also my best mates dad - was driving the bus home and stopped to let me out 500 yards from my house so the boys could all laugh at me walking home in these ridiculous fucking slippers. We lost 2-1 as well. Not a good day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waspie Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 First year at secondary school was walking past the playing fields where some girls were playing hockey. The ball came flying towards us and I very deftly volleyed it back towards the pitch. That was the first inking I had that a hockey ball was as hard as concrete like a cricket ball. Much embarrassment and lesson learned!! I had a similall experience. We used to have a wee white foam ball at work that we would chuck around. One day the ball came towards me and I went to head it back. Alas, on this occasion it was a baseball. Was a wee bit sore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Heard a story about clangers that should be in here. ICT playing at Starks and winning narrowly with not long left. The ball goes out near the main stand but gets caught up in the spare netting and goals on the old terrace. Jamie runs over, jumps the wall grabs the ball, jumps back over then runs back to the goals. Places the ball down "get up, push up" he shouts...then blooters the ball straight out the ground and down the hill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antti Niemi Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 f**k off. That advert is shite and any c**t with functioning legs can kick a ball twenty yards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
11thHour Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 In primary school we were playing a wee shitey 5 a side game indoors during gym (P.E. was in high school likes), it was all even and it was a couple of minutes to the end of the game and we got a freekick, I quickly ran up to blast a shot at it only for it to cannon off the wee guy in front of me and fire into my own net. Cue absolute abuse from my teammates for the rest of the game and all during lunchtime. I personally thought the goalie should've been paying better attention. Later in Primary I was our school goalie (previous story did nothing for my career as an outfield player) and we were playing a local rival when the ball was bouncing toward me as I stood in the box and with the pitch basically being a big dust field rather than full of grass as it gets to my hovering boot extended to control it, it comes off a big stone and runs right under my boot for a goal. Playing a few years ago with my Sunday league team (outfield this time as I shook off the painful memories from primary school) and the other team had kick off, they passed it about a couple of times and then launched it long, it comes toward our most hopeless defender, has anyone seen the steaming Gazza gif where he controls the ball and ends up on his c**t? Well that's exactly what the big man did. Stood on it, somehow slipped on his arse and I can still hear the laughter of their striker before he's even slotted it past our keeper to put them 1 up without even 5 minutes gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Walking along the beach and spotted a rubber buoy washed up. I was so looking forward to booting it - it was going to be like kicking a space hopper. Ran up and booted it as hard as I could. The fucker never even moved. It was made of metal and must have filled with sand too. The embarrassment was nothing compared to the pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craigkillie Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 When I was 16/17 I did a refereeing course, and my first proper game was an U13s game in Kilwinning. Everything was going fine until just before half-time, when the ball went behind for a goal-kick. I was watching the keeper fetching the ball, when all of a sudden I felt a big whack on the back of my legs, which caused me to land on my arse. My initial thought as I was falling was that one of the players had booted me or tripped me up, and I was getting ready to dish out my maiden red card. Then, as I got to my feet I saw a wee dog scurrying away to the opposite sideline. Obviously everyone pished themselves laughing, and to make matters worse one of the coaches was my friend's dad. As you can imagine, it made its way round the school very quickly. Even worse than that was a game where, just after half-time, a boy passed the ball to his team-mate on the edge of the box, and I gave offside. The only problem was, I'd very briefly forgotten that the teams had changed ends, and the boy was actually passing backwards to his centre-half. Cue a lot of confusion, a quick apology, and a drop ball. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 A keenness to give offside when it's not eh, are you Sandy Roy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craigkillie Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 I wish I had the opportunity to give one of the best correct offside decisions that a Scottish Cup final has ever seen, but alas no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Walking along the beach and spotted a rubber buoy washed up. I was so looking forward to booting it - it was going to be like kicking a space hopper. Ran up and booted it as hard as I could. The fucker never even moved. It was made of metal and must have filled with sand too. The embarrassment was nothing compared to the pain. Did (kinda) similar once. It was after the Royal Wedding party in Kelvingrove Park and many a refreshment had been partaken. We were on the way from the park to a party when I saw what I thought was a balloon but was actually a decorative stone. Thought I'd broke my foot after that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djchapsticks Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Years ago, we were playing Ayr at Love Street in an end of season miserable spring day. About halfway through the first half one of their players launched the ball into the stand towards me. I saw it, stood out of my seat and in one fluid motion took my cap off, my hood down and got a full head 'thwack' right on it, mist rushing from the soaked ball as it left my head... perfect technique right into Andy Millens arms about 30 yards away. Cue much applause and Div describing it at the time on B&W Army as the most entertaining thing to happen in the first half. Now for years since, my mate claimed he wants a similar moment and is desperate for the chance to get his moment in the sun. Last season the ball flew into our spot in the stand, he knew it was his opportunity to shine. He stood, claimed it and the ball landed perfectly on the bridge of his nose, sliding down his face and landing two rows in front, blasting his specs clean off his face and landing, similarly two rows away but not before the force of the ball meeting specs meeting face burst the bridge of his nose. He landed on his arse in his seat between me and his old man with everyone within 8 seats of him howling with laughter. Poor c**t. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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