Dons_1988 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 To: Peter Lawwell, Celtic FC From: The Kincardine, Buckinghamshire Date: 17th April 2016 Re: Managerial Vacancy Mr Lawwell I understand that a shoogly peg has finally worked its way loose in the Sellick dressing room and a jaiket’s fallen on the floor. I’d, thus, put my name forward as the new replacement. I have no experience in football management but that’s never been a barrier for your club. I also promise you full control over signings and team selection to fit in with recent policy. You’ll also find me refreshingly different from recent managers: I promise not to roar I won’t use sex toys as a joke in dressing rooms I’ll never blame the players for my inadequacy I won’t send John Collins out to embarrass you in public when it’s me who should be interviewed I brush my teeth twice a day I won’t blooter water bottles – especially not with a wee balletic pirouette I won’t get a kicking from Rangers fans when lying drunk in Ashton Gate I’ll never have a domestic Above all, I’m cheap. I’ll do the job for half of Ronny’s wages plus my bar bills. Thus by recruiting me you’ll accelerate Celtic’s downward trajectory whilst saving money. This sounds like a win-win, Peter. Shall I send you a spreadsheet to show how beneficial this will be? Oh and I’ve no agent to pay. We were meant for each other, Peter. Just give me the nod and I’ll nip out tomorrow and buy some grey tracky bottoms. See you in Paradise Kinky Dear God. I said it in the Rangers in the Championship forum, stick to reasoned debate. This is horrendous banter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr lector Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 To: Peter Lawwell, Celtic FC From: The Kincardine, Buckinghamshire Date: 17th April 2016 Re: Managerial Vacancy Mr Lawwell I understand that a shoogly peg has finally worked its way loose in the Sellick dressing room and a jaiket’s fallen on the floor. I’d, thus, put my name forward as the new replacement. I have no experience in football management but that’s never been a barrier for your club. I also promise you full control over signings and team selection to fit in with recent policy. You’ll also find me refreshingly different from recent managers: I promise not to roar I won’t use sex toys as a joke in dressing rooms I’ll never blame the players for my inadequacy I won’t send John Collins out to embarrass you in public when it’s me who should be interviewed I brush my teeth twice a day I won’t blooter water bottles – especially not with a wee balletic pirouette I won’t get a kicking from Rangers fans when lying drunk in Ashton Gate I’ll never have a domestic Above all, I’m cheap. I’ll do the job for half of Ronny’s wages plus my bar bills. Thus by recruiting me you’ll accelerate Celtic’s downward trajectory whilst saving money. This sounds like a win-win, Peter. Shall I send you a spreadsheet to show how beneficial this will be? Oh and I’ve no agent to pay.We were meant for each other, Peter. Just give me the nod and I’ll nip out tomorrow and buy some grey tracky bottoms. See you in Paradise Kinky 😩😩 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScotSquid Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 ....And? Yeah - and it suggests a solid, if not inspiring league record, as does missing out on promotion via the play-off semi's last year. Taking a "Championship" team to two cup finals this year and one semi last year, is also a pretty solid record for a manager in his first job- if that helps you understand what this phrase means in such a context. I'm not saying even I am overwhelmed with Stubbs but he may fit the criteria if the tic decide to go cheap again - which was my original point You actually think there is the remotest chance Celtic would pay Hibs compensation to take your absolute failure of a manager off your hands?? One who has Hibs trailing in the wake of a Falkirk side with a fraction of your resources and is regularly dicked by all manner of Championship dross? My word. Stubbs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StreetwiseHercules Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Hearing words like Moyes, Malky McKay and Brendan Rogers. Sickening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dons_1988 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Hearing words like Moyes, Malky McKay and Brendan Rogers. Sickening. Could do a lot worse than Rodgers or moyes. Malky Mackay however is an absolute dinosaur. Glorified Jimmy calderwood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonMan Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Moyes wouldn't be an awful choice but I doubt he'd do much with Celtic in Europe. He did a solid job with Everton but always lacked ambition. The type of manager who would go into a tight away game and look for a point instead of a win. Rodgers might be a better choice. Got his flaws, but did well in 2013/14 with Liverpool. Still think he'd probably be angling for a Premier League or higher up Championship job though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GAD Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 I genuinely think if Lennon wants the job he's got it. With the **** now coming up the Celtic board know the value of having a seething paranoid victim in charge when it comes to defecting blame away from bad management throughout the club. Make it a conspiracy, get some candlelight vigils on the go, exploit some Thai kids and get some "something inside so strong" videos all over social media again. The fans will lap it up and it won't matter how successful the team actually is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
11thHour Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Definitely do not want John Collins, Neil Lennon or Malky Mackay. Actually the only name on the poll I would consider would be Moyes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Henry Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Are people actually in favour of Malky McKay, here? The racist Malky McKay? I am. It'd be hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonMan Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 I am. It'd be hilarious. I could see him getting all up in arms about possible refereeing conspiracies and all that. Could be glorious to watch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
locheedfcno1 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Would any decent manager want to go to that mob? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 What is Terry Butcher doing these days? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
williemillersmoustache Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Souness is punditing on Sky so technically, in his mind anyway, between jobs and available. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dunning1874 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 I realise he's a Rangers fan which hilariously actually matters to Celtic fans, and obviously he wouldn't take it if Deila was to be sacked now rather than at the end of the season, but I'm surprised there's been no mention of Derek McInnes. While he's turned out to be an utter dud who will remembered as fondly as Barnes and Mowbray, Deila was the right kind of appointment at the time for Celtic. A young manager who'd had success at a smaller club in a similar standard of league to our was worth taking a chance on to see if he could have sustained success in Europe, because even if he turned out badly he surely couldn't fail to win the league anyway. Now that he's not only turned out to be shite but has kept his job for a full two seasons despite allowing Aberdeen to make a credible challenge for the title and being utterly humiliated in Europe, Celtic aren't in a position to take a risk on a manager who could turn out to be the next big thing but could just as easily turn out to be another Deila. They need to get this one right to ensure they keep winning the title, because another backwards step will mean Aberdeen and probably Rangers winning a title before too long. That means they need a safe pair of hands who's a proven success in Scotland. Derek McInnes is quite clearly the best manager in the country by a mile and Celtic would absolutely walk the league for the foreseeable future with him in charge. The only question mark over it should be whether McInnes would rather stay at Aberdeen, because Celtic aren't likely to get a better manager than him - the likes of Moyes or Rodgers could maybe be tempted, but they'll probably prefer to hold out for English jobs. While winning the league once with Aberdeen would be a bigger achievement than winning it ten times with Celtic, the offer of basically guaranteed trophies and the chance to have a crack at the Champions League should be enough to tempt McInnes if he's offered it in the summer. Obviously the ideal scenario here is that McInnes stays put and Celtic appoint Roy Keane, Alan Stubbs or some other 'Celtic-minded' disaster of a manager, but any Celtic fans who say they'd rather have Lennon back than McInnes are deluding themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Paolo di Canio would be LOLtastic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Romeo Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 despite allowing Aberdeen to make a credible challenge for the title Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insert Amusing Pseudonym Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Collins please Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dons_1988 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Mcinnes lol Romeo lol Di canio YES PLEASE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
11thHour Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Whoever comes in needs to clear out the entire team. Its dreadful through and through. Ambrose, Boyata, Lustig (legs are going I feel), Biton, Brown, GMS, Johansen, Forrest, Kazim-Richards, Cole, Ciftci, Scepovic & Stokes can all get to f**k as far as I'm concerned. That's over £10m in transfer fees there and not to mention the wages that will be freed up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Whoever comes in needs to clear out the entire team. Its dreadful through and through. Ambrose, Boyata, Lustig (legs are going I feel), Biton, Brown, GMS, Johansen, Forrest, Kazim-Richards, Cole, Ciftci, Scepovic & Stokes can all get to f**k as far as I'm concerned. That's over £10m in transfer fees there and not to mention the wages that will be freed up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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