kennysmassiveego Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 2 female police officer dog handlers on the beat . One says “ I’ve left my knickers at the station “ The other says “ let the dog have a sniff of your fanny and he’ll fetch them for you “ The dog returned 30 minutes later with her knickers , 2 truncheons and 3 of the desk sergeants fingers ! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daydream Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 I wouldna ride her into battle 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daydream Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 Barry Ferguson to librarian - “can I get a fish supper?”Librarian - “I’m sorry sir this is a library”BF - whispering - “sorry, can I get a fish supper?” 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it’s also terrible. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 I discovered 2 things at the library today. 1. My dick is the same size as one of the pencils they leave at the computers, and 2, I am now banned from the library. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 My penis was in the Guinness book of world records . Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 Just started a new job as a roofer and got caught masturbating on the first day. My boss said I could wipe the slate clean. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 It’s difficult for people on benefits these days, isn’t it? My friend is a dwarf and he struggles to put food on the table. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gallo24 Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 A famous city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men. He asks " How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?And they replied, "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you."The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey.One man says, "Since you're our guests you get to go first."The doctor not wanting to go against the custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey.Then a man in the group asks, "Are you almost done Doc? We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women." 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevinffc Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 A 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mishtergrolsch Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 Just witnessed two blind men fighting in the street, surrounded by a large crowd. Someone shouted “I bet £20 on the guy with the knife”. Both men ran away. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 The Mafia have a deaf and dumb accountant and one day discover that he has been embezzling funds. They bring in an interpreter who knows sign language so they can question him. The Boss says, "Ask him what he's done with the money." The interpreter puts the question to the accountant, who signs back, I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't taken any money! The interpreter tells the Boss, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The Boss says, "Don't give me that! There's nearly a quarter of a million dollars missing. You're going to tell me where it is!" Again the interpreter puts this to the accountant, who signs I tell you, I don't know anything about any missing money! The interpreter tells the Boss, "He's still denying it!" The Boss draws his gun and puts the barrel against the accountant's head. "Tell him he has three seconds to come clean or I pull the trigger!" The interpreter tells this to the accountant, who looks terrified and signs All right! All right! I admit it! The money is hidden in a trunk in a cabin in the woods, right by the bend in the river! And the interpreter tells the Boss, "He says you haven't got the guts to pull the trigger and you can go f**k yourself!" 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AL-FFC Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 A hunter goes to the forest. He sees a bear and fires at it, but misses. The bear is nowhere to be seen. Suddenly the bear taps him on his shoulder and says, "You tried to kill me, either I'll kill you or pull down your trousers and let me f*ck you". The man chose life. He goes home embarrassed, buys a bigger gun and goes back to hunt the bear. He sees it at a distance, fires, misses, the bear disappears in the thick brush only to pop up behind him a little later. The bear recognizes the hunter and says, "You know the choices." The hunter, after being f*cked again, brings a rocket launcher to get over his humiliation. He finds the bear, fires and falls back due to recoil. The smoke clears and the bear is standing over him, rubbing it's chin. "You don't come here for hunting, do you?" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigBo10 Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 A hunter goes to the forest. He sees a bear and fires at it, but misses. The bear is nowhere to be seen. Suddenly the bear taps him on his shoulder and says, "You tried to kill me, either I'll kill you or pull down your trousers and let me f*ck you". The man chose life. He goes home embarrassed, buys a bigger gun and goes back to hunt the bear. He sees it at a distance, fires, misses, the bear disappears in the thick brush only to pop up behind him a little later. The bear recognizes the hunter and says, "You know the choices." The hunter, after being f*cked again, brings a rocket launcher to get over his humiliation. He finds the bear, fires and falls back due to recoil. The smoke clears and the bear is standing over him, rubbing it's chin. "You don't come here for hunting, do you?"You’ve missed half the joke out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted August 9, 2019 Share Posted August 9, 2019 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennysmassiveego Posted August 9, 2019 Share Posted August 9, 2019 The wife took me out for a meal last night for my birthday . We had only been sitting sitting at our table for 5 minutes , when she started playing footsie under the table . Anyway , to cut a long story short , I had a nice rump steak and she got toed in the hole . 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.