Newbornbairn Posted June 15, 2019 Share Posted June 15, 2019 Cricket bat for sale, can be used on other insects. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted June 15, 2019 Share Posted June 15, 2019 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted June 15, 2019 Share Posted June 15, 2019 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted June 17, 2019 Share Posted June 17, 2019 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daydream Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Man to woman - “can I smell your fanny?”Woman - “certainly not!!!”Man - “must be the drains then.” 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 A covent has been broken into, the fence panels were stolen, and a resident was kidnapped.No a fenceNun taken. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 10 hours ago, philpy said: A covent has been broken into, the fence panels were stolen, and a resident was kidnapped. No a fence Nun taken. Oh Philpy 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin.Hood Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 I recently got crushed by a pile of books. I've only got my shelf to blame. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alta-pete Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 I recently got crushed by a pile of books. I've only got my shelf to blame.© Sean Connery 1968 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bold Rover Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 9 hours ago, BillyAnchor said: So much bad English and French there. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crùbag Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Battle with nits... 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTJohnboy Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 So there was this tortoise ambling along the road minding its own business when it was set upon by a gang of snails. The police were called and interviewed the tortoise at the scene. "Can you tell us what happened here?" asked an officer, "Did you get a good look at these snails"? "Not really, officer" the tortoise replied. "It all happened so quickly. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whiskychimp Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 There was a race between a tortoise and a hare. Ready Steady Go The hare sprinted off but the tortoise, having no concept of competitive sport, just went about his business. The end. The moral of this story is, if you choose not to take part, you won't lose. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raidernation Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 Apropos of the above, driving home one night recently I saw traffic in the other direction stop to let a tortoise cross the road.Just to be clear it wasn’t a wee country road but IL 21 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTJohnboy Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 (edited) Still in snail mode.... This guy's drinking his morning coffee when there is a knock at his front door. He opens the door and to his surprise there is a snail on the doorstep. It looks up him - "any chance of a cup of tea mate", it asks. The guy is really taken aback. "f**k off" he says, and kicks the snail which rolls all the way down the garden path and under the front gate on to the street. 5 days later there's another knock at the door. It's the snail again - "what did ye dae that fur", it asks. Edited June 26, 2019 by ICTJohnboy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 Snail sitting on a tortoise's back: "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 It's only a few pages since I last told it, but it's my favourite joke dammit. What did the slug say to the snail? Big Issue Sir? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 Ikea starts to sell cakes. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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