johnnydun Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 I was heading to the doctors and saw an old friend coming out looking very down. "Whats wrong? Is everything ok?" I asked. "The Doctor has told me that I have 'The big C'" He replied. "Cancer?!?!" Spoiler "No, Dyslexia" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Spoiler Christopher Walken 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GnR989 Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 On 16/06/2017 at 15:52, Kennboy1978 said: What's green and invisible ? This cabbage. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nkomo-A-Gogo Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 What do you call a good looking Pakistani? Ravi Shing. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnydun Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 On 13 June 2017 at 17:21, deej said: What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and a big cut right up it's belly ? Still bloody no idea What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitalia? Spoiler Still no fuckin idea. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 12 hours ago, GordonD said: What's black and white and can go up and down but not left or right or turn round? A nun in a lift with a spear through her neck. What goes black and white, black and white, black and white? A nun rolling down a hill. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnydun Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 2 Dyslexic plumbers are on a job, when one says to the other, "Can you smell gas?" Spoiler "Smell gas??? I cant even smell my own name" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cosmic Joe Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 Benjamin Button Benjamin who? Benjamin Who's there? Knock knock 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
topcat(The most tip top) Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 What's green and invisible ?This cabbage. What's invisible and kills Irish people? No potatoes 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bold Rover Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 On 14 June 2017 at 01:02, Eednud said: Two drovers standing in an outback pub. One asked, "What are you up to?" "Ah. I'm takin' a mob of 6,000 from Goondiwindi to Gympie." "Oh yeah . . and what route are you takin'?" "Ah, prob'ly the Missus; after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought." Soz, Eednud. You'll have to explain this one to this ignoramus! I've read it over and over, even tried an Aussie accent. I guess it's a play on the word route? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 7 minutes ago, Bold Rover said: Soz, Eednud. You'll have to explain this one to this ignoramus! I've read it over and over, even tried an Aussie accent. I guess it's a play on the word route? Root: sexual intercourse. This one can get really get foreigners in trouble. There are numerous stories about Americans coming to Australia telling people how they love to "root for their team." If you come to Australia, you would want to use the word "barrack" instead. On the same note, a "wombat" is someone who eats roots and leaves. - See more at: http://mentalfloss.com/article/61847/25-awesome-australian-slang-terms#sthash.JGOt5kgG.dpuf 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Zen Archer said: Root: sexual intercourse. This one can get really get foreigners in trouble. There are numerous stories about Americans coming to Australia telling people how they love to "root for their team." If you come to Australia, you would want to use the word "barrack" instead. On the same note, a "wombat" is someone who eats roots and leaves. - See more at: http://mentalfloss.com/article/61847/25-awesome-australian-slang-terms#sthash.JGOt5kgG.dpuf To be pedantic the version I heard was about the habits of the Kiwi; it eats roots, shoots and leaves. Edited June 20, 2017 by welshbairn 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 Just now, welshbairn said: To be pedantic the version I heard was about the habits of the Kiwi bird; it eats roots shoots and leaves. TBF, I first heard the wombat version which was about a panda. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 3 minutes ago, Zen Archer said: TBF, I first heard the wombat version which was about a panda. Wombats are famously unreliable. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 2 minutes ago, welshbairn said: Wombats are famously unreliable. It's the drink, it's commonplace in Australia apparently. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeyblair Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 This thread was good when people posted jokes... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnydun Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 So..... I was in hospital the other week, Monday I got Haggis, neeps and tatties. Tuesday, same again, haggis, neeps and tatties. Wednesday and Thursday; Haggis, neeps and tatties. I asked the nurse, "Why Haggis, neeps and tatties everyday?" Spoiler "This is the Burns unit sir" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KillieCon Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 What's brown and runny? Spoiler Linford Christie 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8MileBU Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 I was shagging the wife last night and, after cumming for the second time, I rolled over. My wife was not impressed and said, "How about finishing me off now?!"So I smothered her with my pillow. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KillieCon Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 My girlfriend broke up with me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.