The Mantis Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 Guy goes to the library and asks if they have any books on suicide. Clerk says “f**k off, you won’t bring it back.” 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 Guy checks out a library book called "HOW to HUG". He thought it was a sex manual; turned out to be volume 10 of the Encyclopedia Britannica. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 (edited) A Lionel Ritchie concert was cancelled last night after an Indian man was found on the roof of the venue. A spokesperson later told us he was “Dan Singh on the ceiling” Edited May 30, 2018 by IainMorton 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 I went to the local bookshop and asked if they had the new book on micro penises.. the assistant had a look on her computer and and said "i don't think its in yet...", and i replied "yep, thats the one!" https://www.google.co.uk/amp/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4522382/amp/Author-ONE-INCH-manhood-writes-coping-manual.htmlWas this the one you were looking for? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bold Rover Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 1 hour ago, buchan30 said: https://www.google.co.uk/amp/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4522382/amp/Author-ONE-INCH-manhood-writes-coping-manual.html Was this the one you were looking for? ^^^Has been researching. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 ^^^Has been researching. For a friend :whistles: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 5 hours ago, jagfox99 said: I went to the local bookshop and asked if they had the new book on micro penises.. the assistant had a look on her computer and and said "i don't think its in yet...", and i replied "yep, thats the one!" Should have tried looking for "Sexual Dysfunction" by Arthur Dick. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 For sale: full set of encyclopaedias. No longer needed. Got married. Wife knows everything. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 2 hours ago, buchan30 said: https://www.google.co.uk/amp/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4522382/amp/Author-ONE-INCH-manhood-writes-coping-manual.html Was this the one you were looking for? 30 minutes ago, Bold Rover said: ^^^Has been researching. Nah, he wrote it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 Nah, he wrote it. They do say to write about what you know. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 The wife said, "You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?" I thought, what a strange way to start a conversation with me? 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTJohnboy Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 39 minutes ago, jagfox99 said: The wife said, "You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?" I thought, what a strange way to start a conversation with me? I was driving down the M6 when I got pulled over by the police. "Don't you know you left your wife behind at the motorway service area about 20 miles back up the road?" "Thank f**k for that" says I, " I thought I had gone deaf" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herman Hessian Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 On 5/30/2018 at 20:32, buchan30 said: Was this the one you were looking for? that supposed to be a reply to the Lionel Ritchie joke ? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 Sadly I can’t give blood so I've just been to the sperm bank to donate, the receptionist asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup, I said I’m good thanks, but I’m not ready for competitions just yet. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 Doctor to patient: "Mr. Jagfox, you're going to have to stop masturbating." Jagfox: "Why?" Doctor: "Because I'm trying to examine you!" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 Someone stole a pair of my wife's knickers from the washing line. I'm not fussed about the knickers, but I'd like the 28 pegs back. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 14 hours ago, philpy said: Someone stole a pair of my wife's knickers from the washing line. I'm not fussed about the knickers, but I'd like the 28 pegs back. Philpy accused me of stealing his wife's knickers from their washing line. Shocked? I almost shat her pants... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 Daniel Radcliffe has revealed that he was 'Dependent on Alcohol' to make it through the final Harry Potter films. Well that makes fucking two of us. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog shit. A minute later, some guy did exactly the same. I said to him, "I just did that!" So he punched me in the face and called me a dirty b*****d! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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